A Practical Lesson in Self-Care

     Some life lessons, I learn again and again. The importance of consistent self-care is one of them. If I let it slide I find my self feeling stressed, short with people, and less than well. I notice my time and energy feels like it is all going OUT from me. My focus becomes EXTERNAL. When I take time daily to care for myself, time slows. I have more energy. My focus becomes more balanced, both internally and externally. My boundaries become present and deliberate. I begin to "water my own lawn" as it were.

     Sadly, our culture is not rooted in self-care habits. Seeped in materialism, and appearance focused. Saturated in demands of work, socializing has been marginalized to texting and social media networks.

I recently heard read (on social media) a friend say "Be bold, phone them." And he was right. It has become "bold" to phone. Quite a testament to the disconnection present in this period of history.

     Originally, I made this list for me but if any of this speaks to you, this list is for you too! Just recognizing that this speaks to you may be enough.

For me, being ALONE and having a clear intention of recharging is the most important part of the equation.

 

     Change happens slowly and unconsciously for some, while for others change can happen quickly and deliberately. These are not "shoulds" they are "coulds"... so with that in mind I present my list of self-care suggestions:

1. Go for a walk
2. Carve out 5 minutes to be alone
3. Start a journal
4. Start an art journal
5. Visit the library and find a physical book to get lost in

6. Actually get lost in said book
7. Lay on the lawn and gaze at the clouds
8. Visit a lake, river, or ocean spot you've never been to
9. Listen to music you like
10. Listen to it loud

11. Declare a pajama day
12. Hug a friend
13. Cuddle an animal
14. Create something: music, poetry, photo, jewelry...
15. Shower

16. Daydream
17. Write down your worries and negative thoughts... burn them (optional)
18. Pray
19. Meditate
20. Doodle words that have meaning for you

21. Color
22. Spend time in a forest
23. Hoola hoop
24. Say "no" when you mean no
25. Say "yes" when you mean yes

26. Notice when something doesn't feel "right" and listen to that feeling
27. Start to feel, name, and be curious about your emotions, without judgement
28. Realize that our emotions are there to tell us something
29. BREATHE. Really BREATHE. Seriously, look into all the ways to breathe and start practicing
30. Think about the people who really care about you

31. Think about the people you really care about too
32. Think about how someone makes your life better and let them know you appreciate them
33. Ask for help
34. Cry
35. Take a hot bath. (bubbles, wine, music, candles optional)

36. Identify your tribe... and spend some time with them or let them know they matter
37. Make a bucket list
38. Make a thoughtful and realistic to-do list for the week, then try to use it as a guide
39. Drink a hot bevy of your choosing
40. Declare it a "screen-free" day

41. Declare it a "screen-day" and indulge
42. Identify goals you have set in the past and met
43. Learn techniques to be "in your body"... then spend some time there (even just 5 minutes)
44. Identify what is most important to you in your life
45. Choose foods that taste good and nourish your body and spirit

46. Pick just one of these and deliberately make it a habit
47. Dance
48. Stretch
49. Drink a glass of water
50. Take a guilt-free nap

51. Help someone
52. Cultivate compassion for yourself when you fall short or make mistakes
53. Learn from your mistakes
54. Go get a massage, acupuncture, or pedicure
55. Eat some chocolate

56. Bake cookies... your house will smell delightful
57. Phone someone who matters to you
58. Plant a garden
59. Write a letter on paper to anyone living or dead (then do whatever you like with it...)
60. Pay attention to your finances... budget in something for yourself or for charity

61. Cultivate awareness of negative self-talk
62. Cultivate awareness of negative beliefs
63. Learn about ways to change thought patterns
64. Cultivate spirituality
65. Watch your favorite movie

66. LAUGH
67. Tell someone you love them
68. Forgive yourself
69. Forgive others
70. Plant seeds of a peaceful joyous life everyday!

71. Start a gratitude journal
72. Start to notice when judgemental thoughts creep in
73. Realize that the only person you control is you (and be thankful for that because it really is a load off!)
74. Listen to the rain, or lay in the sun
75. Learn healthy ways of communicating about your feelings and needs

76. Write your own self-care list!

Mom, why am i here?

My son is always amazing me with his questions, his evidence of deep and serious thinking. He may not know how to read or how to work out math on paper yet, but he is working out some very BIG questions. I  peeked in his room this morning, just as he was waking up....

~

"Mom, why am i here?"

"What.... do you mean?"

"I mean, why am I here? What is my purpose? What am I doing HERE?"

~

I wanted time to think about how to answer such a broad question; in classic "mom-manipulation" I invited him to join me for breakfast downstairs, so we could talk about it some more.

This was countered with an invitation to snuggle in bed.

~

"This is a perfectly good place."

~

I snuggled in, and asked him what he thought his purpose might be? 

 ~

"Why do you think you're here?"

 ~

His answer was that he was here because I wanted him, and because I prayed for him. And he is right, that's true. He was looking for something more meaningful to him.

~

"The answer,"

I told him,

"is different for every person. Every person is unique, and has their own gifts; and their purpose is their own, what do you think yours might be?...."

 ~

*silence*

"....i don't know...."

~

"I know my purpose."

.... I  could see I had his attention....

"In this life, my purpose is to take care of you and our family;

my purpose is to cook, and care for the house,

to play with you and help you learn important things;

my purpose is to go to work, to earn money to help pay for the things our family needs.

I also get to make pottery, because I love doing that, and I'm good at it.

It's one of the gifts I've been given.

My purpose is to keep learning, to learn from you and anyone else who has something to share with me.

And also, to keep learning about our God Jehovah, and to help you to learn about Him as well."

~

"That sounds like a lot of work. Actually, that sounds like mostly work." 

He sounded disappointed, and defeated, or perhaps this was just honest observation.

~

"It is work.Your right.

But I love you, and I love our family, so taking care of us doesn't always feel like work. Sometimes I really enjoy it.

It feels good to see you growing happy and healthy.

And working at the store can be fun too. I'm tired when I get home, but it's fun being there.

I feel good knowing that my going there helps to buy you the things you need.

And making pottery is work too, but it doesn't feel like work;

because it's my gift, it's what I'm good at.

Some people are good at building, so that's what they do.

Jehovah made me good at making bowls, and mugs, and art so that's what I do.

And learning, well, that's just part of being alive.

You see, I love the things I work at, so it doesn't feel like work."

~

"So what am I good at? What's my gift? My job? WHAT IS MY DESTINY!?"

He was sounding pretty intense here! :D (So dramatic! I suspect there may be some influence from anime here! ;)

~

I worried about over simplifying.... none the less, I answered.

"Your job is to just be a kid! Your already great at that.

Your job is to play, and have fun, and to learn about the world.

To learn about Jehovah.

And to try things out, until you discover what you really love, and what you're good at.

You will find your gifts, and all you have to do to find them, is to keep being you."

 ~

~ Sometimes I really LOVE this Mama-gig ~

Gratitude

I am full of gratitude.

I just finished typing up a learning plan for my son, who when asked about what he would like to do and learn about this year had only 3 things to say:
1. everything Mario
2. nothing else because "I am NOT starting school"
3. and also, "I do NOT want to learn how to read!"

And so, that is what I had to work with. Building a plan for my determined and fun boy who has no interest in being a part of this planning process; but who will no doubt learn because (as I've learned) being ALIVE makes one part of the learning process :D

Actually, I thought it was kind of adorable. His to-heck-with-it attitude. His "I only like THIS at this moment and will not venture into imagining future interests with you" attitude. And so, like most proud mama's I told his gramma this story about him. And like a proud gramma, she laughed and retold it to her friends. It dawned on me that it didn't have to go that way. She could have heard this story and become concerned about her granbaby's "education". But she didn't, because she is awesome! And, I think, because she loves us, and she loves our son; and I think she knows he will be learning and doing amazing things this year. And I am SO grateful that she has always been loving and supportive- even when things sound kind of crazy!


I included this story in the learning plan that I submitted to our learning consultant; who, I have no doubts will find it very funny! She has been helping us on our learning journey for 3 years already, with our daughter. I consider her one of my valued friends. She has been a beautiful support to my daughter and to our family. She helps me when I have doubts; and reminds me of what is really important to me when it comes to raising my kids. I am so grateful to have the support and guidance of a 'teacher' who has affection for my family.


As I was writing his plan, I had to think about mentors for him. It reminded me how supportive our extended family really has been. My husband's auntie has been doing art days with my daughter nearly every week for more than a year; and has taken her swimming and helped her learn to swim- which is a HUGE deal because my daughter was very scared of the water; but she was patient with her, and kind, and helped her through it. And the gramma's have helped with reading, and trips to the aquarium and disneyland, and encouraging my daughter's passion for photography, dance and jewelry making.



They didn't have to do that, I am thankful they did. It dawns on me that Un-schooling is a huge concept. One that has worked beautifully for my family; but that must have sounded straight-up off the wall to some of the people in our life. Perhaps, it still does. No curriculum?! Child-led learning?! No workbooks?! (unless they want them) No forced learning?! It really does sound crazy. It brings up alot of doubts. Alot of questions. Alot of fears... for me, as their parent trying to figure out how this whole thing would work; but I'm sure for others in our life too. But everyone has been pretty patient with me, as I figure out how this whole thing works.

Gratitude. and anticipation for the learning year to come....

what i've learned from BEing family...

it seems to be an appropriate day to reflect on family. the things i've learned and the things i'm thankful for. being a part of my family has been like being schooled in life. schooled in what it means to be family. schooled on love and forgiveness.

i've learned what it means to put love first; to put the relationship first.
i've learned that kids can grow-up with friendly parent-child relationships.
i've seen what it looks like for adult children to have a friendship with their parents.
i've seen how much it hurts when they lose one of those parents.
i've learned alot about forgiveness;
and the endless perspectives to anything.
and that everyone is just doing their best.
i've learned to say sorry ;)
i've learned that cousins can be like siblings.
i've learned that family can support each other even if they disagree about what they are supporting.
i've learned that i can be honest. even when it's scary.
i've learned about boys.
i've learned about brothers :p
noisy and rough, and never stop playing, they can be loyal and protective, and incredibly funny.
i've learned that they like barbies and tea parties too!
and that they are every bit as emotional as us women.
i have learned that men can cook, and do dishes and grocery shop! and make fantastic chocolate!
i've learned about me.
i've learned about my many, many imperfections.
i've learned that i can wake-up to dishes and nothing terrible comes of it.
and i can step over toys. and i can pick up toys.
actually, i can do all kinds of things.
i've learned that love has nothing to do with control.
i have learned about girls. and being a mother to a daughter. and friend to a daughter.
friend to son.
i've learned about birth and my body.
i've learned that kids are wise; learners and teachers.
of freedom, honesty, and creativity.
i've learned that family also includes people not bonded to me by blood.
i've learned about joy, and hurt and tears and comfort.
i've learned about fear.
and acceptance.
i've learned more about hockey and hunting than i probably ever needed to know.
i've learned that super-heros are super-cool.
Mostly, i've learned what it is to be a family, from being part of a family.
a really awesome family.
i've learned gratitude.
~living and loving~