Cultivating Love for Life Long Learning

It's been a while since I talked about our learning journey so this is gonna be a good one!

A LOT of really great stuff has been happening for us this year in the learning realm!

 

I'm going to list our favorite resources. (And just to be clear, I'm not being paid to do it.) Most of these resources we have uses through strewing... which basically means, we fill our home with learning resources knowing that our children will discover them... occasionally leaving stuff in places we know it will be "discovered". No force, no coercion, just natural inborn curiosity. I'm going to intersperse these with some of the amazing things I've been privileged to witness and learn from my learners.

One of the most common concerns I hear from people is concerns about how our children will learn to read. Granted, we expect them to learn in their own time, which can feel a little nerve wracking and insecure at times, BUT they have learned. Our daughter, whom I have talked about at length in other posts is now an avid reader despite many learning challenges.
Our son simply hasn't been interested until this year, nonetheless, he is reading all on his own. We read with him and to him every night, these are some of the best books and series we've found. Most of these we found at our library. We started doing a once per week trip this year and it has been just amazing. One of my favorite things.

We had this series on our book shelf. It's a hand-me-down from my childhood. We began reading it together, and it lost my sons attention so we moved onto the tv series. An amazing amount of learning stemmed from this series, carrying on through the whole year... We refer to it as "the year of Little House" as it was a near-obsession.My oldest is re-reading this series again, it's so loved.

 Okay, honestly, I have not read these. My husband has been reading them with our son, and our daughter has whipped through them too. Anything that gets him "hooked" I figure has to be good!

 Again, I love a series that has a movie too. Watching the movie got my daughter started on these. My daughter has been eating them up.

 Math is just not my thing, or my husbands. Sometimes I worry my kids will be super deficient in math. LIFE OF FRED teaches math in story form and with humor. Really cool.

We've also been loving online learning sites- Brainpop, IXL and Dreambox.

GAMES for math are awesome too. Ticket to Ride, Cards, Crokinole, Settlers of Catan, Carcassone.... Seriously, the list could go on and on.

 This may seem a weird shot to include, but following natural learning ideas we haven't pushed our kids to learn to read- trusting that they will in their own time and way. That's where Strewing comes in...
We have ALWAYS had a basket of magazines, books, and comic in our bathroom. I would venture to say most of their reading skills have come from bathroom time!

 I seriously cannot say enough about this series-
ORIGAMI YODA. So Awesome! Star Wars meets origami, meets middle school. Funny and super entertaining!

Spaceheads aka- SPHDZ also had our full attention.

 Oak discovered this one on our very packed bookshelf. It's an old classic reader, and it's an awesome find. Bonus is because he "found" it he was enthusiastic about reading it together and the words were at just his level!

BOY AND A BEAR IN A BOAT~ Okay, I know that sounds super strange but it was, imo, very in harmony with Waldorf style stories. Oak says it was "Peaceful, Adventurous, and a little bit stupid cause there wasn't a proper ending." It was one of those open ending, which I think is kinda cool cause it leaves it open for creativity and exploration.

<<< This one is a treasure. I would actually give it as a gift to new parents. Full of Waldorf stories from around the world, teaches morals and humanities :D and the art work is beautiful!

Of course, building toys, marbles, and letter tiles!

 

Chalk boards and white boards are scattered throughout our house, messages from BE THE CHANGE cards are written on them. These cards are a GEM! SO SO Cool!

 A ready supply of tactile and crafty supplies: clay, beading, paints, pastels, yarn, scissors, paper, glue,and sewing stuff.

Aaron's Thinking Putty is really neat stuff. This one changes color with a little light pointer, other ones are magnetic or change with heat.            >>>>>>>>>>>>

Exercise has been a HUGE component for us this year. Weekly swimming and skating, scootering to the park and playing ball with the neighborhood kids. I have read about the importance of physical exercise in learning but never witnessed it's influence on growth until this year. Definitely worth making a priority.

This year we discovered Geocaching. Seriously, if you haven't heard of it- google it. Download the App. It's worth it. Exercise, time in nature, and discovery.

Grandpa gifted Oak a microscope which has opened the door to very new learning. Thanks Grandpa!

Our daughter Liv, has been a part of organizing a few community activities too. She's directing a (rather large) group of home learners in producing their own bible Drama. Regularly rehearsing and planning costumes. We've also connected with a great group of Belly Dancing women. These to group activities are free, all it took was connecting with a group of like minded people!

I will add to that instruments. For Liv, playing the violin is something she was able to be successful at even when she was struggling with her learning challenges. So maybe for your learner it isn't a musical instrument that gets them going, but whatever it is that they have success with- I say- Go with it!

This is ZUKO. This little guy has provided tons of science learning. Now I'm not saying run out and buy a pet for science... but caring for him, our fish and our dog have been pretty great learning opportunities!

I'm gonna go out on a limb and talk about screens for just a sec. I know this is a controversial one... Waldorf is all strict and very limiting on it, and on the other end you have the radical unschoolers who are like "no limits ever- learning is learning." I'm setting philosophy aside and just going to say what has worked for us and why. This year we imposed limits, as much as I cringe a little as I say that. The limits are as follows, screen time after 3pm, and free-for-all on weekends- unless it's a learning website. Again, I cringe because we have modeled these limits based on school hours. Here's why it works, before we set these limits, only screen-oriented learning was happening, now various kinds of learning is- and lots of it! It's been a simple and effective limit. Totally worth working through my initial "cringe".

The other thing that's been new is I've returned to school! The kids are getting a look at what a more traditional course looks like, and they are digging into my textbooks with me. It's been really cool. so that's my last thought: model Love of Learning, it's contagious!

"I Could Never Do That..."

"I Could Never Do That..."

"I could never homeschool or unschool"

"I could never eat gluten-free"

"I could never have a homebirth, co-sleep, or nurse well into toddlerhood"

"I couldn't stand it if my husband were home all the time on a disability, while I worked part-time"

"I Could Never"
I've heard this phrase many times, have you? Sometimes I hear it in my own head. In fact, most of the above I have heard in my own head, at some time; and yet these are some of the things I have done that I am the most proud of, and the most thankful to have done.

This has me thinking, maybe "I could never do that" serves a purpose. Maybe it's us challenging ourselves. Maybe it's us saying to ourselves "Would I want to do that? Would I value that in my life? Would I have the circumstances to do that?" Maybe it's us, taking an idea and making a judgement on it for ourselves personally. And maybe some personal growth comes from that. Maybe whatever it is doesn't fit into what we would envision for our life; or maybe it could; or maybe it already does. Maybe "I could never do that" isn't as final as it sounds, if a persons mind is up to questioning it's truth.


When I hear my internal voice say "I could never do that" I tend to answer myself with a bunch of questions. "Is that really true? Could I honestly not do that? What would happen if I did?" And eventually sometimes the answer is "Well, sure of course I could do that." or "Maybe I just don't want to".

This is what I feel is the sad part; I think that sometimes when someone's internal voice says "I could never do that", and we believe it, and we are selling ourselves short.

~

We are each made so incredibly beautiful, capable of so many things. Why limit ourselves with "I could never"?

~

We've also been given this beautiful gift of freedom to write our own stories; sometimes "I could never" is stealing our freedom.

~

So these are the kinds of conversations I have with myself. (As if you needed that peak into Crazy-town!)
But here's the thing, sometimes, I hear "I could never do that" from others. It's as if they are hearing what I'm doing, and their internal dialogue of "I could never do that" spills out. Not to be offensive, but sometimes hearing that can feel a little, um, discouraging... yeah, let's go with that.

I bring this up because most recently I've been hearing "I could never do that" in relation to adoption. That's right. I said it: adoption. Go ahead a take a moment to digest that. Admittedly, it's HUGE. It's a gigantic, life-altering chapter that we are choosing to write into the story of our life.

Adoption is an active process of jumping through hoops, (and more hoops) to qualify. It means we are opening ourselves up spiritually, emotionally, and physically to welcoming a new member of our family.

When we began this process, I was feeling pretty private about it; not telling very many people because I anticipated all the variations of "I could never do that" that I could be hearing. I wanted to block out any discouragement coming my way. I didn't want to hear the not-so-great experiences people hear or have had. (Why are we so quick to share the sad stories? Is it a warning? Is it meant to say "Listen, you are investing and risking a lot, and you could fail"... as though we are not acutely aware of that already?) I wanted to protect my heart from those who would be unsupportive. But here's the thing, this process has involved my heart, mind and emotions. It's in my conversations and even my dreams.
  
This is me, taking the scary leap of openness. We are expecting! This is exciting news! So for goodness sakes, Please be happy for us! I feel so grateful to have many friends have been super-supportive.

I'm finding this process very similar to pregnancy. We are bonding with the idea of our new child, as any family would be. Granted, it's a different process; we are opening our hearts to many outcomes: a boy or girl, of many races, and under the age of 5. A child who may have had something of a life before us. A child who needs a loving family. Evidently, this sounds crazy to some.
I'm going to be brutally honest, mostly the unsupportive responses consist of a mix of *silence* and concerns about money.... sometimes with a sad story about ministry involvement thrown in for good measure.... and of course no conversation about anything out-of-the-box would be complete without "I could never do that." *Please, don't think of me as being hostile about this. I just want to put it out there, that none of these are helpful responses.*


Our family has purposely built a very happy out-of-the-box life by doing what others swear they could never. And that's cool, cause we all get to participate in the writing of our own story. I'm sure I would have a really hard time living another persons story.... (one of school and curriculum, and full time work...) but I could, if I had to, or if those things were things I chose.

I do have one "I could never".

I could never close off my heart to a child who needs a family, if it was in my power and ability to give them one. I have never stopped imagining our third child coming to us through adoption. We have always, as long as we've been a couple, held that in our hearts and minds as being of so much value. It has always been in the works for us. So as much as you could never... I guess I have one too. And now it's in the open.

Slow Roasted Teenagers ~ Yummy ~

** Okay, here's my preface: if you think you're going to feel judged or offended, stop reading now. If you're going to have an open mind, please carry on :)***

I have terrible news: Our children are being slow roasted.

There's an old adage about cooking frogs. If the frogs are dumped into boiling water, they will jump out. However, if they are put in the pot with the cool water and slowly brought up to a boil, the frog won't notice. It doesn't struggle, or jump out. It's cooked.
This is what is happening to our children. And the scary part is, we are allowing it. Defending it. Even supporting it.

We recently had a teen suicide due to "cyber-bullying". As I watched her youtube video, I couldn't help but think this young girl is was no different from so many young girls. She made the kinds of "mistakes" that are common to the teen years. Flashing, fooling around with boys; some poor choices perhaps... But nothing uncommon to growing up.... and LEARNING about life. She was also victimized and taken advantage of by boys. Again, sadly, not uncommon at all. What's new, is that thanks to the internet, thanks to social media, and thanks to cameras on every cell phone, and a cell phone with every teen, her "mistakes" were immortalized online, for all to see. For all to mock, and ostracize. Her "mistakes" were on display to follow her from school to school. And somehow, the children in every school felt entitled, maybe even justified to bully her. As a whole they felt okay about participating in tearing her down.... to the point of finally beating her with a crowd of support. Eventually, leading to her suicide. And sadly, her experience, is not uncommon at all.

It's shameful. I feel heartbroken for her family. And I feel haunted by questions... Where are the parents? Any of the parents? Are people to busy to monitor the online safety and activities of their children? Why were they not acting like people who had learned morals? Empathy? Kindness?
I'm sure a lot of things factor into this... but basically, I believe they've been cooked. And that's not justification. It doesn't make it okay. It makes me wonder, what is wrong with families? Why are we allowing this?!

Talking this story over with people, something interesting happened. Stories of bullying came forward from each person. Bullying from both teachers, and fellow students. Bullying stories that took place 40 some years ago, right up until now. Let's start with the stories of teachers bullying. (Please Understand, this is not meant as an offense to all teachers, surely there are many, many wonderful, positive teachers who keep children save and have a beneficial effect on their students.) The stories I heard were all from elementary school; they included teachers pushing children down stairs; strangling a child against a wall in front of a class; shoving a child to the ground in front of a class; not allowing a child to use the washroom, and having him wet himself in front of the class; and locking a child alone in a classroom for 2 hour detention after school closed up. These stories are multi-generational, and from varying towns and cities. The children in these stories experienced Fear, Hurt, Embarrassment, Shame, Humiliation, and HUGE Injustice and Violation of trust at the hands of people entrusted to care for them. In all of these stories, no significant consequences came to the teachers; and yet the one's telling the stories, tell them like they were yesterday; flushed faces, and shaking voices.

Do you think these kinds of experiences might have an influence on our children's development of empathy? or Kindness? I do. I think it teaches them it's okay to treat people badly. And what's more?.... the parents were told about these situations. The parents rightly complained, and nothing came of it. So what do our kids learn?? What are WE teaching them? We're the teaching them that if you are big, or in power, this kind of behavior is okay. If you're at school, this behavior is okay. If you get caught, even as an adult, you won't be held accountable in any major way. If you are a child, you are power-less. And if you are a parent, you are also power-less to help. The School has the power, the System has the power. And right from elementary school on, the lesson is bullying is okay. Of course we would never say that, however it's true.... although, terribly inconvenient.

In fact, in some schools it is true right from day 1 of Kindergarten. One mom recently told me of her schools new policy that on the first day of school, parents were not allowed to enter the school. Period. She said children were crying, parents were crying; and they were told, "No. No parents in the school. We'll take care of them. This will encourage their independence." And parents accepted that. Oh, I'm sure some protested, or maybe felt inwardly worried; but this mom reported that overall, parents just allowed the school to have that much say! Again, what is the message?! What is the lesson?!
The message is "We, the school, are big and powerful, and even your parents can't help you or even access you here." Intimidating at the very least. And what does this teach (a 5 year old) about empathy? About the importance of feelings, and caring for another's experience? Or the connection of parents to their little ones? The importance of family?.... all secondary to the prerogative of the school.

Yes, into the cooking pot they go.

For 12-13 years, we as parents support our children participating in this system. Slowly roasting. And let's face it. We're busy. We trust that the learning happening in Our school is good, at least mostly good. The problems of drugs, alcohol, sex, bullying, and so on "don't happen at our school"; "it's a private school"; or "we live in a good area of town"; or "we're in such a small town".... "We're trying to earn a living; to make ends meet. We try to have regular family dinners, and enjoy some weekend events together... taxi-ing to and from friends houses, the mall, soccer practice and so on...."

And then, one day they are in high school and these kinds of things happen. It is all too common. And then people around us wonder, and maybe We wonder how these things could possibly happen.... people like myself wonder why these teens have no empathy.... why they are vicious.

They've been cooked. Slow roasted by the school system. By the climate of this world. By Video games about war, stealing cars, hookers, or .... By social media.... By popular male and female performers also teaching anything but positive morals, or good qualities; and often promoting unhealthy views on sex and attitudes that de-value women.... Wow. I'm sounding awfully judgmental; awfully down on a lot of things. What is my point anyways?!

My point is:

I hope that when my children come into contact with the boiling water, they will hop out!!

For our family, this hope is a lot of work. It's meant following a path of natural learning, at home. It's meant making financial choices that support time together over many other things. It's meant being really specific about entertainment. And mostly, it's meant keeping our purpose of a trusting, close relationship foremost; one that models empathy and kindness. A relationship that is protective of their innocence, childhood, and feelings.
It means, (forgive my rudeness) raising them. It means doing our best and hoping. Reading stories like this, reflecting, and hoping.

I hope that as these tragedies happen, some people will go further than saying "What a shame... so sad." I hope that at least some people will start thinking deeper than that. And figuring out how these events are connected to their own families, because they are.  
~We are all connected.~

Mom, why am i here?

My son is always amazing me with his questions, his evidence of deep and serious thinking. He may not know how to read or how to work out math on paper yet, but he is working out some very BIG questions. I  peeked in his room this morning, just as he was waking up....

~

"Mom, why am i here?"

"What.... do you mean?"

"I mean, why am I here? What is my purpose? What am I doing HERE?"

~

I wanted time to think about how to answer such a broad question; in classic "mom-manipulation" I invited him to join me for breakfast downstairs, so we could talk about it some more.

This was countered with an invitation to snuggle in bed.

~

"This is a perfectly good place."

~

I snuggled in, and asked him what he thought his purpose might be? 

 ~

"Why do you think you're here?"

 ~

His answer was that he was here because I wanted him, and because I prayed for him. And he is right, that's true. He was looking for something more meaningful to him.

~

"The answer,"

I told him,

"is different for every person. Every person is unique, and has their own gifts; and their purpose is their own, what do you think yours might be?...."

 ~

*silence*

"....i don't know...."

~

"I know my purpose."

.... I  could see I had his attention....

"In this life, my purpose is to take care of you and our family;

my purpose is to cook, and care for the house,

to play with you and help you learn important things;

my purpose is to go to work, to earn money to help pay for the things our family needs.

I also get to make pottery, because I love doing that, and I'm good at it.

It's one of the gifts I've been given.

My purpose is to keep learning, to learn from you and anyone else who has something to share with me.

And also, to keep learning about our God Jehovah, and to help you to learn about Him as well."

~

"That sounds like a lot of work. Actually, that sounds like mostly work." 

He sounded disappointed, and defeated, or perhaps this was just honest observation.

~

"It is work.Your right.

But I love you, and I love our family, so taking care of us doesn't always feel like work. Sometimes I really enjoy it.

It feels good to see you growing happy and healthy.

And working at the store can be fun too. I'm tired when I get home, but it's fun being there.

I feel good knowing that my going there helps to buy you the things you need.

And making pottery is work too, but it doesn't feel like work;

because it's my gift, it's what I'm good at.

Some people are good at building, so that's what they do.

Jehovah made me good at making bowls, and mugs, and art so that's what I do.

And learning, well, that's just part of being alive.

You see, I love the things I work at, so it doesn't feel like work."

~

"So what am I good at? What's my gift? My job? WHAT IS MY DESTINY!?"

He was sounding pretty intense here! :D (So dramatic! I suspect there may be some influence from anime here! ;)

~

I worried about over simplifying.... none the less, I answered.

"Your job is to just be a kid! Your already great at that.

Your job is to play, and have fun, and to learn about the world.

To learn about Jehovah.

And to try things out, until you discover what you really love, and what you're good at.

You will find your gifts, and all you have to do to find them, is to keep being you."

 ~

~ Sometimes I really LOVE this Mama-gig ~

Our party of Sadness

Recently, I've notice my son seems afraid of negative emotions; he would begin to cry and quickly escalate because of disliking the feeling of crying and sadness. Sometimes crying makes him feel panicked, like he can't calm down or catch his breath. I felt a little concerned about this; I wondered how I could encourage him to feel more comfortable in his emotions.

The "natural learning" part of me trusted that eventually he would would this out for himself; but still my mind was racing for ideas.

Not many days later, he did work it out for himself! He really wanted a particular toy, "right now." To be clear, the answer was "not today", not "no". And a perhaps useless explanation was offered to him. 

He felt sadness, disappointment and frustration.

I thought "Okay, here we go again...." not the most helpful thought, but there it was anyways.....

He sat his self down on the floor, at the bottom of the stairs, crying.

Looking a little alone and dejected.

I joined him, on the floor trying to be as sad as I could muster, "I'm so sad too, so I'm going to sit and sulk with you."

He looked skeptical. "Why are you so sad, mom?"

me- "I'm so sad because I want a new, bigger kitchen."

Oak- "Oh, I'm sad about my toy. And we never get juice anymore, only water."

Me- "and also I'm sad because we crashed our van, and I hurt my foot."

Oak- "Oh and also I'm so so so sad because...."

And there it was, a back-and-forth of all the reasons we could think of for feeling sad.

Eventually, the reasons got sillier and sillier... "I'm so sad because I want to have a bigger bum.... AND louder farts!"

Oakley was ready to move on from sadness. Somewhere in this game he dubbed it the "Party of Sadness"... and later told me it was SO AWESOME!!

He proposed that maybe one day we have a Party of Madness..... so we'll see how that goes...

AND... I Would Do It Again!

As my youngest is 6, I've been doing a lot of reflecting on how much I have learned from my little ones. I am quite certain I have learned at least as much from them as they have from me. They have taught me how to be wrong. Alot. And then they have taught me what works for them, and I've had to change. Alot.

Below is a list of Things I Would Do Again, the same.

Birthing my babies at home... So, So fantastic. Getting to stay in my home, surrounded by the people I love and the midwives I trust. Nothing could have felt more natural. I would do it again tomorrow.

Finding a way to make co-sleeping and on-demand nursing work... I remember my sleepy stooper... wondering down the hall, to sit in a rocker and awkwardly, exhaustedly nurse my first born 3-4 times a night. No wonder nursing didn't last long the first time around! I had this picture in my head of my perfect sleeping baby, in her crib, in her room... and I fought pretty persistently to achieve that perfect picture. Nothing could have been less natural. Eventually I realized, she needed to be with me. Which honestly, made our queen-size rather crowded; but it still felt a lot better. When she got too big to fit, she slept on a foamy in our room. As a toddler, we got her a double size bed, where her and I could sleep together without disturbing dad. It took some time, but Olivia had taught me that her need to be close to us, to feel safe and secure at night was more important than our perceived need for privacy; and far more important than the ridiculous fear that she would never learn to sleep on her own if we met that need. I will always feel good for meeting her need.

Nursing until... That double bed came in awfully handy when we had our son! After only nursing Olivia exclusively for 2 months, and then being all dried up by 6 months. I was determined to make a longer go of nursing this time. After having to help Olivia through nearly constant ear and lung infections, as well as many digestive problems, nursing as long as I could was super important! That meant sleeping with Oakley, in the double bed, and nursing all night. Surprisingly, I got a lot more sleep this way! No walking, or sitting, or even waking to nurse! He quickly found his way to latching without my help. This felt natural; and I felt positive about meeting his needs for closeness, security and nourishment! Not too surprisingly, he was a much more contented baby; the crying and health problems that we had experienced with Olivia were not making a repeat appearance with our son. We made it to the recommended 2 year mark, and just kept going, until when he was 4, we agreed to wean.

Letting my kids lead the way. This was a tricky one. After clinging to a mental picture of how this parenting thing should look, and discovering that this only leads to suffering.... I came around to the idea that I needed to be more open to the absence of a picture! The first time I heard someone say that children are equal to their parents, I felt defensive. I didn't like how that sounded. Compared to the beliefs I held in my mind, about families, and obedience.... this just sounded wrong. By now I had been wrong at this parenting-gig before; I had learned a lot about doing it wrong. I had learned by now, that my children's needs were equal to mine; just a real and valid. Seeing the success of co-sleeping had taught me that. I tried valuing their wants, feelings, and preferences too, viewing them as equal to mine. This lead to more challenges day-to-day; at first. But it also lead to children who feel important. They are articulate about expressing their feelings, fears, needs, and preferences. This does not mean that they get what they want all the time! In fact, what it means is that we have all gained experience in problem solving and negotiating. This means, for example, that when it was really important to Olivia to have a violin, and we couldn't afford one, we brainstormed ways to work together to make the money. It took two years of saving, and making and selling jewelry together; but she did it! We did it! Her want was important to us, so we did it together. This felt like a big accomplishment! All of this Following Their Lead business naturally lead to....

Unschooling! Following their lead with learning!! This is something I have become SO passionate about because I have seen how wonderful it can be! Unschooling honors natural learning. It is following curiosity. It is following passion. It is lifelong learning, not something just done in the school years. Unschooling is limitless! It is not divided into grade levels, or expected outcomes; it is not worksheets, or learning in subjects; it is all inclusive! I have watched my daughter, who has severe dyslexia teach herself how to read, because of allowing her to lead the way in her learning. She has built her own weekly learning routine which includes dance, violin, volunteering at a seniors home, learning about the bible, learning sign language, cooking and sewing..... she is a very busy girl; and she is brilliantly directing her own learning!

Staying home with my kids long after a year... of course, not everyone has this option. For us, it meant selling our home and moving to a more affordable one. It meant asking for help from extended family and being thankful when they lent us support. It has meant being financially very poor, according to our standard of living in this country. The more time I have spent with my kids though, the more I like them. Sometimes when I hear people complaining about their kids, I think to myself, it's because they don't spend enough time with them. Did I just say that out loud?! Oops. That's not to say we don't have rough days. WE DO. We have days where everyone is whiny, when they are fighting over toys, when they are picky about food; we have days when I count down the hours until they go to sleep! But it is worth it. And as I see how quickly they are growing, and getting to know them, I'm so grateful I've gotten to be here for so much of it.

Baby, toddler, and child massage! In the beginning, I did this to help Olivia with her digestion and sleep, which it did. In the end, I have spent countless hours bonding with my babies through massage.... and the side effect is that they love giving massage too! :D

Getting a learning assessment... I know not many people talk about this one... but I'm going to because it was one of the hardest decisions to make; and one of the most intense processes.... and I wish more parents had of been open to talking about it. Going through the assessment was not about getting a label for us; it was about learning strengths and weaknesses. It was about finding out how we could be more supportive. Ultimately, it was about learning how Olivia learns best; and it has resulted in her having more and more success and confidence.

Skipping the shots in favor of building up the immune system... I know, such a controversial one, what am I even doing talking about this one?! Hey, this is my list. You can make your own; and on it can be "Getting the vaccines..." ;)

Olivia reacted to the vaccines. Her reaction lead to months of endless, inconsolable screaming; this was not colic. This was her brain being affected badly by the "medicine" that was supposed to protect her. Combined with a rough pregnancy, birth, and problems nursing; this batch of shots added a layer of "challenge" that her very small body simply did not need. I have no doubts that these contributed to her lung infections, ear infections, multiple allergies, and learning disabilities. I would not do it again. Seeing the contrast in my son's health, having not had any vaccines is remarkable. He had croup; and that has been his only serious illness. He has minor asthma, which we treat with herbs. He has never had an ear infection. He has been an incredibly healthy boy!

Realizing that the advice from the neighbor, the lady on the bus or the guy in the grocery store is not always good. My neighbor told me to let Olivia cry-it-out. This was during the time I was attached to the baby-in-crib idea. This was bad advice. My sickly, "failure to thrive", reacting-to-vaccines baby needed ME! She needed closeness and comfort; she needed to know that I heard her cries. Her cries, that were her only means of communicating. I will always regret taking that advice, especially given the link to SIDS, and other health issues associated with this "method."

http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky

I felt so sorry as I came across stories like this one:

"Especially in the first six months, avoid sleep trainers who advise you to let your baby “cry it out.” Only you know what “it” is and how to respond appropriately to your baby. The first SIDS baby in my practice awakened frequently. Her mother responded intuitively to her and nursed her back to sleep. When that baby was four months of age, a friend warned this mother that she was “spoiling that baby and that she should let her cry it out.” That night her cries went unanswered – permanently." This quote from - http://doulamomma.wordpress.com/2010/02/11/seven-steps-to-reduce-the-risk-of-sids/_mckay.html

Thankfully, I did not believe the lady that told me holding Olivia during her naps would stop her from growing! lol Obviously, I have made my peace with doing what feels natural for me now, and letting the advice goooooo... even though, I'm sure that means I sound crazy a good portion of the time ;)

Letting go of the fear, and the notion of tough love.... fear that I could do the impossible and Spoil a Baby! Fear that my babies would always need to sleep in my bed if I gave in... (really? Anyone know of a teen who wants to sleep with his parents?! ew.) Fear that my babies wouldn't stop nursing if I let it go on until they stopped needing it. Fear of people looking at me funny, or thinking I was weird. Fear that they would catch some deathly disease for not being vaccinated. Fear that they would be self-centered if I met and valued all of their needs. Fear that they wouldn't become independent and confident people if I spent so much time with them. Fear that they wouldn't grow and become great things if I allowed their natural abilities to take the lead.

Fear. Limiting and controlling Fear.

So there's my list.... what's on your's?