tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70238807434846257262024-03-13T21:02:03.778-07:00Expressive Roots MusingsMother, Counsellor, Artist, Unschooler, late-discovery adoptee... this space is about all things, Life. My hope is that by sharing my stories and growth people will be inspired to look further into mental health and expressive arts therapies.aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-51410626515440308842017-09-16T12:48:00.003-07:002017-09-16T12:48:41.420-07:00An Interview with Olivia (and some other home learning musings)<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EoiUf9xYx6k/Wb1bnSyYA5I/AAAAAAAAAQ0/03PWU9GE5wM0ShtqzHt6CAUABNij1el2wCLcBGAs/s1600/DSCN8712.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EoiUf9xYx6k/Wb1bnSyYA5I/AAAAAAAAAQ0/03PWU9GE5wM0ShtqzHt6CAUABNij1el2wCLcBGAs/s400/DSCN8712.JPG" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This blog began as an un-schooling and natural parenting blog. I wanted to document our journey, and be an encouragement and possibly an inspiration to other home learning parents. Home learning is a HUGE undertaking. I underestimated the level of time and commitment. I also underestimated how many of my own issues would be triggered:<b> my competitive nature, my anxiety, and my insecurities.</b></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As Olivia begins grade 11, I took time to reflect and collected some of my thoughts here.</span><br />
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<u><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A (not so) quick summary of our fun with home learning and learning differences</span></u></h4>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have always thought of my daughter as<b> gifted </b>because
of her many talents. Even as a very young one she was able to
draw amazingly well, to dance remarkably and passionately, her empathy
and compassion for people was off the charts. She's a natural musician- playing violin by ear, and singing as it turns out. These were her inborn interests-<i> her natural leanings</i>.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> She was confident and fearless!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When my daughter was 10, she was diagnosed with <b>dyslexia,</b> <b>dysgraphia, and dyscalculia;</b> basically reading, writing, and math learning disorders. Comparatively speaking, <i>10 years old is considered pretty late to get this kind of information.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We had been approaching "schooling" from a natural and trusting perspective. I believed (and still do) that people are learning beings, regardless of age we are always learning. </span></span><span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I believed t</span></span><span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">he academic tasks we associate with school learning, the reading, writing, and math, were things that could be learned without a curriculum- lead by passion, interest, and necessity.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"></span><span style="background-color: white;">Moving forward with this new diagnosis, we learned that the recommended interventions</span> were largely unavailable in our small community. I wondered: Have we failed her by not forcing a curriculum or doing a more traditional method of schooling? What would we do now? For a time I felt very lost, insecure, and at odds with myself and my choices. My competitive nature had me comparing my daughter with others her age, even though this conflicted with my core beliefs about natural learning. She too, would compare herself to her peers, finding her deficits and feeling negatively about her differences.</span></h3>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What I had to understand is that my daughter's brain is wired <i>differently.</i></span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> This was<i> </i>not my fault, and all the un-schooling philosophy in the world had not "caused" her challenges.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Olivia adds, "<i>Different</i> has a stigma of always being a bad thing, when it doesn't have to be. I knew I was different and I always looked at it as a bad thing. It's only been for a few years that I haven't felt that way. But it feels better now to see it as a good thing. From a psychology standpoint, when you are younger, you always feel more connected to people but when you're older there's a separation from everything else and you start to see yourself as your own person. Separate from others, separate from your parents, separate from your friends or peers, but when you're young there isn't a difference between you and the people around you. There isn't that separation. Now that I'm older, there is a separation and I can see that I am my own person and I can realize that I am not so-and-so and I am my own being. I am me. Reading about other people with dyslexia and some of the amazing things they were able to do, helped to take away the stigma of it being bad and it put a lighter spin on it. It didn't have to be a weakness, it could also be a strength in some ways."</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The school encouraged us to continue on as we always had, and not to push her academically but to support her in her strengths.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Olivia says "because you did this, it helped me to see dyslexia as a strength."</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She taught herself to read shortly after diagnosis. Many of the things we did to support her had nothing directly to do with reading, writing, or math. Horse back riding, art and pottery, and dance. We found tutors who were patient and kind. They would allow her to take her time and make mistakes. The human connection between them seemed to be the most important part. One tutor began to work with her natural creative inclinations and inspired her to start writing.<i> Olivia's love of telling stories motivated her to want to create stories to share with others and she completed her first novel!</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>She says "I always wondered about the writers of stories, what gave them drive to write this? What inspired this? What made them want to create this? I wondered if I could write a story. Would people would want to read it? And if they would wonder who wrote it, and what made me want to write. More than that, I wanted to prove that I could do it."</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Which brings us to now... grade 11</span></h4>
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Olivia has only been reading for 6 years. Think about that for a minute. <b>In 6 years she caught up</b> to her grade level. She is the expert on her experience so I asked her some questions:</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How is it that you are "caught up" to grade level in only 6 years?</span></b></span><br />
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<i><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"It was motivation and a lot of hard work. I think it was my love of stories and wanting to share those stories with other people that gave me the drive to learn and keep working on it even though it was challenging."</span></span></i></h4>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What would you say to other home learning parents whose children have learning differences?</span></span></h4>
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<i><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span></i></h4>
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<i><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Keep encouraging your kids to do what they're good at and do the things that they love."</span></span></i></h4>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How will that help them to get better at the things they are struggling with?</span></span></h4>
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<i><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span></i></h4>
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<i><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"For example, if they have dyslexia, if they are able to see that dyslexia also comes with a lot of good things, not just the challenges it makes it a lot easier to cope."</span></span></i></h4>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span></h4>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What would you say to parents that are worried that children won't learn what they need to know?</span></span></h4>
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<i><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span></i></h4>
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<i><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Kids like to ask questions and find the answers. Wanting to find the answers becomes the motivation. It's kind of a domino effect. It just kinda happens. It depends what kind of learner kids are too, are they someone who learns best by listening or are they maybe more visual or hands on? It depends on the person. Explore how your kid learns best, what is their preferred way of learning?"</span></span></i></h4>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What inspires you? What's next?</span></span></h4>
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i> </i></span></span></h4>
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>"That's a big question... there's so much. Last year I got so much feedback from my classmates about my novel. Some wanted to know more about certain characters and others wanted to know about my creative process and what points I wanted to stand out, such as the morals of the story. I was writing it in the same few years that I was realizing that dyslexia wasn't a bad thing. All the characters were very different, but they were all so wonderful in their own ways. It was really inspiring!</i></span></span></h4>
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>I'm working on a new novel and I'm excited to see what kind of feedback I get from it because it's very different from things I've previously written."</i></span></span></h4>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">If any of this post resonates with you because you are a home learner, or a parent of a child who learns differently, or maybe just someone feeling a little lost. (September is notorious for making me feel like I'm bobbing around in vast, sometimes stormy ocean.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following is my heartfelt unsolicited advice:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">1. <b>Breathe.</b> Really take time everyday to breathe. It might mean taking a walk, sitting outside, or hiding in the bathroom. (I know how it is, sometimes that's our best option!) But breathe.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">2. <b>Decide what is REALLY important to you</b> when it comes to your family's learning, because you are the parent and you get to do that! Is it A's in every subject? Is it enjoying your time together, even the learning time? What kind of qualities do you want them to have as adults? Think beyond curriculum, what skills/qualities do you want to nurture in them? Do you want them to be kind, considerate, confident? Do you want them to understand what their strengths are and how to chase the things they feel passionate about?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">3. <b>Realize that a stressed out brain doesn't learn.</b> This is science. If your child's brain is flooded with stress hormones for whatever reason, (they are struggling with the subject, they're uninterested, they want to run, they're hungry or tired...) the learning simply won't happen. It can't, the stressed out brain only cares about survival. I would extend this to include that a stressed out brain doesn't teach very well either. When my brain is stressed or anxious, I'm a mess. I'm in a hurry. I can be very unreasonable. Nothing I do from that place is going to support learning, except my walking away to calm down. Learn to recognize when stress is at play so you can take care of yourself and your little one - do something different!</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">4. <b>Fun and engagement is when learning happens,</b> so figure out how to make it fun. If that means talking to the teacher and trying to make adjustments to the plan, then do it! If that means scrapping the plan and building your own based on your child's needs, then do that! (Isn't that at least part of the reason we choose home learning in the first place? We want the best fit for our kids?)</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">5. <b>Take your time because you actually have a lot of it.</b> The time period between kindergarten and graduation is 13+ years. That's a ton of opportunity to enjoy being with your little one. The learning will happen, I promise. It can't not happen, unless you are all swimming in stress 24/7, see no 3.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">*As a side note, my son also taught himself to read at 10 years old (no dyslexia, just his time to learn it). He too is reading at his grade level now. He just started grade 7. I never <strike>wasted</strike> spent my time forcing him to learn what sounds each letter makes, but he learned it because it became important and relevant to him. When he was in the early grades we spent time learning about things he was interested in, in ways that worked for him. He'll be doing the FSA testing this year to see how he compares to others in his grade, I'll let you know how it goes... I know I'm curious.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">6. <b>You got this.</b> You grew and birthed this little being into existence. Arguably, you love them more than anyone. So listen to that mama gut. You got this.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://aspentreemama.blogspot.ca/2015/03/cultivating-love-for-life-long-learning.html">Click here for some of our fave resources from earlier years :)</a></span></span><br />
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<br />aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-46794278938417727642017-03-09T11:44:00.000-08:002017-03-09T11:45:09.466-08:00Is Laundry Art?<h3>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">"Folding laundry is my outlet."</span></span></i></b></h3>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">This is a quote from a recent conversation with a family member. This same family member has been known to produce some beautiful woodwork. In the context of this statement, it seemed that this person would rather fold laundry and do dishes than identify as an artist.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">This begs the question, can folding laundry and doing dishes be forms of creative (and healing) expression?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">I don't have a quick answer. All I know is it made me <b>laugh</b> when this thought was brought forward and I deemed it worthy of writing about.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>I self-identify as an artist.</b> I pot, I sculpt, I paint and write. I reflect and intuit what I can from my work. I FEEL as I am creating and I get feedback from the work that creates more feeling. Noticing, being present and aware. This is the work of creation as a part of healing. It is purposeful. It is meditative. It is digging deeply.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">When I am working creatively I have a process. Firstly, <i>creating a sacred space</i> for myself. This involves, lighting, music or silence, temperature, time and space. Sometimes, I consciously bring an issue with me because I know what it is I am grappling with. At other times, I only know I am restless, uneasy, anxious, angry, upset, or conversely ecstatic and joyous! But always the intention is to express, listen, honor, and heal or move forward.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">As I work, I get into a zone. Thoughts and feelings flow, and if it is a particularly good day I can hold awareness for my emotions and myself. I can honor without judgement. I can observe, hold space for, and release or move forward. It is a circular process. Often the work becomes symbolic, an octopus searching for home and self; a mermaid reaching for the surface; a gnarly tree with roots splitting off in two or three distinct directions. Using colors, shapes and symbols; rolling, bending, and molding clay... this is my healing work.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">So can folding laundry be one's creative outlet?</span></span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">You tell me.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">For me, folding laundry is the last thing on my priority list. And I do mean <u>last</u>. It stacks up in baskets and piles. When I finally do get to it, I may put on music, open the curtains, and try to be joyful while doing it. I may consciously cultivate gratitude that we have clean clothes. OR I may just toss each persons stuff into baskets and leave it in their room! It could go either way really!? Perhaps, this is my deeply symbolic expression of disliking chores. OR maybe folding laundry, for me is not an artistic expression. I've practiced mindfulness, and I'm sure there are people out there who would argue that folding laundry is a beautiful and meditative activity. I can hear them now:</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">BE the laundry.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">BE in the moment with the laundry.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">BE present with the laundry.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">BE present with your feelings while folding the laundry....</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">... now I'm smiling because my inner voice says "ditch the laundry, go do something fun."</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">Further evidence to my theory that I am a 36 year old child. I am a giant child. I am not in denial about my feelings about chores, or who I am. When I hear people say things like "I love folding laundry!" my inner child is horrified. <b>It screams "liar!"</b> and my inner voice wants to ask them what their 9 year old self would say to them if they heard them say "I love folding the laundry!".</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">This is where my work comes in. <i>I am blessed to be working mostly with youths.</i> They don't tend to be full of denial or weighted with a sense of responsibility. They tend to be present and spontaneous. Their creative spirit hopefully has not yet been been squelched (by the demands of laundry); but even if it has or they are self conscious, they tend to get into the swing of things before long. Creating, expressing, honoring, and healing.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">At other times, I get to work with adults, or the parents of the kids I'm working with. It is brilliant to see their process.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">Sometimes, the adult begins with doodling, other times they just observe their child, not yet ready to participate themselves. Sometimes, I give them a lump of clay and invite them to try the wheel, or to sculpt something. Sometimes, I suggest a topic and other times I just wait to see what unfolds.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><i>Sometimes,<b> the nervousness or anxiety is palpable,</b></i> after all art is universal.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">It requires us to take hold of some part of our inner self and put it "out there." "Out there" where we can be witnessed, honored, or even judged. This can create in us feelings of vulnerability. We can feel exposed, or even triggered. This feels risky, uncomfortable.</span></span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">I believe is where "folding laundry is my outlet" comes in. It's much safer. Much more acceptable. Practical. Comfortable. Useful. Quite literally, it is the preparation and care for an item that hides our <b>"unmentionables"</b>.</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If ART is what puts us "out there" for all the world to see; then I would venture to say doing laundry is the opposite. It's literally, processing the items used to hide ourselves or used to present ourselves as we wish the world to see us; and perhaps, as we wish to see ourselves.</span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">On this matter then, of whether laundry can be an artistic and healing outlet, I guess <b><u>MY</u></b> answer is no. I would beg to wonder what a person is afraid of if they are relying on a chore to be their outlet. I would invite a person to try even small forms of artistic expression; to take time to remember what activities really fired them up in their youth. Did they play an instrument? enjoy acting? sewing? woodworking? finger painting? collecting items from nature to create with? beading? weaving? collaging? photography? storytelling? I would invite them to do that activity with wonder, openness, curiosity. Observe what happens inside. <b><i>Ask their 9 year old self how they feel about it, and then really listen to the answer.</i></b></span></span><br />
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<h4>
<span style="color: #38761d;"><i><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But this is my truth, and I am an artist, so what do I know?</span></b></i></span></h4>
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<br />aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-20414453371455855112017-02-10T11:56:00.004-08:002017-02-10T12:19:52.447-08:00Is it REALLY Anxiety?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Anxiety defined:</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Feelings of worry, nervousness, unease, agitation, or apprehension;
in some cases these feelings are persistent and severe, possibly leading to
compulsions, phobias, or panic attacks.</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">~</span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Could you be an Empath?</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Empath traits:</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Papyrus; mso-fareast-font-family: Papyrus;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ You have the gifted ability to intuit
the feelings of others; at times this ability goes beyond a mere understanding
of another’s emotions, but extends to actually feeling their physical or
emotional discomfort.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> ~ </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">People often feel comfortable opening up
to you, sharing their stories and struggles.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";"> </span>
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ You avoid conflict, possibly due to its
intensity for you as you are able to feel the upset feelings of the other
person as well as your own emotions.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Sensory issues. Sounds, smells, lights,
and other sensations can be overwhelming.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Being in crowded environments may leave
you feeling drained.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ You cry or feel overwhelmed with emotion
from dramatic entertainment.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ You are spiritual.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Others may label you as “too sensitive”,
shy, moody, or introverted.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ You may wonder “What’s wrong with me?
Why do I feel so broken?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">Essential
Self-care for Empaths:</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Avoid overly emotional entertainment;
this includes the news.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Seek out time in nature; water, plants,
and wildlife are balancing and good for us.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Limit screen usage.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Make sure you get enough time alone.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Learn to filter people’s energy and
protect yourself. Ask “is this mine?” when experiencing overwhelming emotion.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Avoid crowded areas when possible, or
limit your time there ensuring to protect your own space and energy.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Learn about managing boundaries.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Have at least one uncluttered area of
the house to spend time in.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Exercise regularly.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Get enough sleep.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Eat enough healthy unprocessed food.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Learn and practice mindfulness.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Find a creative outlet. Journaling,
drawing, sculpting, acting, singing…</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Spend time with family and friends that
build you up and appreciate your gifts.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ Find ways to honor your gift daily!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~ </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">Identifying
as an Empath is identifying a Gift!</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">You can help others heal.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">You may find you are gifted in art,
music, or culinary skills.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">You may sense danger before others.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">You will tend to be more understanding
and compassionate which may lead to deeper and more meaningful relationships.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">You feel comfortable alone.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">You may be a very creative,
out-of-the-box thinker.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">You can sense when people are lying.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">~</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">Sometimes the behaviors and experiences of an Empath
can look a lot like Anxiety. And sometimes, an Empath can be experiencing the
symptoms of Anxiety because they have not learned to manage their gift.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">Empaths can exist in this world comfortably and quite successfully
once they have learned some skills that honor their unique selves. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "papyrus";">Some people seek support from others who identify as
Empaths, or from various therapies. It is important to research your options
and find out what works for you!</span></span></div>
aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-11318646864919987762016-07-27T17:01:00.001-07:002017-02-08T09:46:11.597-08:00What is Expressive Arts Therapy Anyways?<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Who am I, and why do I facilitate Expressive Arts Therapy?</b></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am a member of humanity. I am a woman. A mother, daughter, sister, auntie, cousin, and niece. I am a late-discovery adoptee. I am a spiritual and creative being. I am empathic and intuitive. I have come through many proverbial "fires" and like the Aspen tree, I continue to grow and thrive.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In many ways, expressive arts saved me. Writing, drawing, painting, acting, dancing, playing, sculpting and pottery provided a safe outlet to workout my "stuff".</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As a counsellor, I strive to provide <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a</span> sacred creative space to others. I believe our bodies are amazing at healing when we take the time to honor ourselves. Time to re-connect with our inner voice and our personal truths. As I stand as witness to the creation and release of the people I am privileged to work with<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, I feel <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">amazement</span> and gratitude</span>. I provide empathic and gentle reflection.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This can be a powerful process for adults, to let-go of the idea of perfection. To let-go of the tendency to judge what they've produced as "good" or "bad". Participating in process-focused arts can support a person in re-connecting with their "child-self", the authentic being within.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For youths, this can be an ideal modality as it allows them to rise above the need for "words". Depending on the age of a young one, they may not have access to words or conscious awareness of what it is they are working through. Art provides a means of tuning into themselves, communicating, and working through life's challenges.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have witnessed process focused art and narratives take clients (and myself) through many a transformative journey. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<h2>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">What is Expressive Arts Therapy?</span></span></h2>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> <span style="color: red;">Playful</span><span style="color: orange;"> Spiritual</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"> Creative</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"> Role Playing</span><span style="color: #3d85c6;"> Connection</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;"> </span><span style="color: blue;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;"> Painting</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Drawing</span><span style="color: #0b5394;"> Sculpting</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: lime;"> Dreaming</span><span style="color: #f1c232;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f1c232;">Journalling</span><span style="color: #b45f06;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #b45f06;">Non-linear</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"> Looking within</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: orange;">Sacred space</span><span style="color: #f1c232;"> Process focused</span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Intuitive</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"> Trusting</span><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">Flexible</span><span style="color: blue;"> Deep</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #20124d;">Willing</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Non-directive</span><span style="color: #274e13;"> Love-oriented</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f1c232;"> Narrative</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #f1c232;"> </span><span style="color: #b45f06;">Experiential</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;">Accepting </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What Expressive Arts Therapy is <u>not</u>...</span></span></b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Linear</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Predictable</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">High pressure</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Quick</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Behavior focused</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Surface</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Forced</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Controlled</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Directive</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Fear based</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Cognitive</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Looking outside</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Questioning</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Would you like some examples of things I may do with a client, and some explanation as to why?</span></span></b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Art therapy works on a deep level, it taps into the roots of our being, sometimes allowing to come to the surface that which we have been hiding from, pushing away, denying, resisting, or self-condemning. Some of the activities I do with clients may not appear to have an obvious, or linear purpose, however there is a purpose behind the projects we create together. Sometimes, I am helping a client to express, release, or correct an issue. Other times, I may be trying to build awareness, or introduce a new thought pattern.</span></span></span><br />
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<u><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here are some examples:</span></span></span></u><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">Creating feeling rocks:</span> Clients paint rocks that represent a variety of emotions, and label the emotions as well. This is to increase a Clients awareness of the scope of emotions, to tap into what they mean to them, how feeling the emotion feels on a body-level, and to increase the vocabulary of feeling words. Additionally, these rocks provide a processing and communication tool that can be used in everyday life as well as in-session.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">Mapping emotions:</span> Clients create a full size poster or cutout of themselves and color in where they physically feel emotions in the body. For example, butterflies drawn in the stomach area for nervousness, or sparkles to represent the tingling legs of a fear response.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This supports Clients in building mind-body-spirit awareness. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">Writing or co-writing a story:</span> Often we have parts of ourselves we hide, deny, push away, or have even lost touch with. For example, perhaps we fear our anger, or the depth of our sadness. Writing can allow an outlet. What is anger put on paper? Who is anger? If anger was a character, what would he look like? What is his story? If you were to write a letter to Anger, what would it say?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My belief is that our feelings exist to communicate a message to us, what is that message? Sometimes writing can allow us to externalize the emotion in a way that feels safe, and we can "hear" it's message. We can begin to see, hear, and re-connect with lost parts of ourselves.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Rather than asking "why do I feel this way?" we can ask "what is the message my mind-body-spirit is trying to send me?"</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">Creating meditation:</span> Meditation is a powerful tool in a world that bombards us with input. To meditate is to quiet our mind, it is to give it a reflective purpose, it is to o<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">bserve</span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">our thoug<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ht patterns and increas<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e ou<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">r personal awareness</span></span></span></span>. Meditation is to create space- for calm, peace, reflection, intuition, emotion, and awareness. For anyone, this can feel like a huge and challenging concept! One of the ways I work with this is to guide Clients in creating their own mediation. An example might be writing a mediation where one imagines becoming an animal of their choosing... perhaps someone looking to connect with their inner power may choose a dragon, or someone looking to connect with peace and slow-down might choose a snail. Whatever animal speaks to them or represents the quality or state they are wishing to tap into. With repetition this can offer a thought pattern that calms and supports a person in creating more of what they want in their life and themselves.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">Bubble or Scribble art:</span> Creating art from blowing colored bubbles or scribbling are fantastic examples of process-focused art! Here a person is not concerned about the appearance of the final product. The process is messy, uncontrollable (although I've seen people try to control it...), and freeing. It is a metaphor for life.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Once finished, a client looks at the abstract images from many angles with a spirit of curiosity to pick out shapes, and see what images emerge. Intuitively naming the picture, and tapping into whatever work, healing, or awareness lay within.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This project allows an outlet for the unconscious material that we sometimes self-deny, or hide from. Also and outlet to let-go of perfection, judgement, and expectations.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The process of making the bubbles for the bubble art can also serve as a lesson in breathing.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">Wheel work:</span> Working with a lump of clay on a pottery wheel is a messy business; a balance of controlling and letting-go. Requiring physical strength and the ability to respond to feedback from the clay. Clients choose to work with the goal of playing and "masterpiece" (mess) making or with the goal of producing a piece they wish to continue working with to completion.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Clients learn to let-go, to breath, to ground, to focus, to channel their energies and frustration. They gain practice calming their mind, and adjusting the speed and power of their movements and responses. Once, "in the zone" it can be a form of meditation.</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Who influences my work?</span></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My work is heavily influenced by John Holt, John Taylor Gatto, and Brent Cameron whose trust in people's innate abilities to learn influenced their work. I have faith in people of all ages that we can heal and grow when we look inside and tap into our inner-voice as it speaks our personal truth. Deep down, we know what we need, we just need to be reminded to re-connect and trust it.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I approach my work with youths from a perspective o<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">f <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">deep </span></span></span>trust<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.</span> I believe it is <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t</span>heir natural inclination to learn what they live, and to imitate the behaviors that they are surrounded by and come to believe are acceptable<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">; be that <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">at home, school, or <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">what they absorb from the media and <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">surrounding culture.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I believe <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">all peop<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">le</span></span></span> are trying their best to get what they need with varying skills at their disposal depending on their stage o<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">f </span>development and experiences.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I strive to cre<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ate a sacred<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">safe space <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">wh<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ere our youth can<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span>have their feelings witnessed, and needs heard and respected. As Horton (<i>Horton Hears a Who</i>) says: "A person's a person, no matter how small." When we honor the feelings of our youth<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span>they learn that they are loved, that their feelings are valid, and that they are "good enough" to be trusted as possessing self-knowledge. I have seen them rise to the occasion again and again. Perhaps, they can grow into adults who remain in-touch with their inner-child-self and do not need help re-connecting later on.</span></span></span><br />
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<b><i><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Some parents have wondered i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">f </span>this means I believe children don't need guidance? <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Or that</span> parents are to <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">bow</span> to the needs and feelings of their children?</span></span></span></i></b><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The short answer is: No<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">it is im<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">portant to understand that </span></span></span>I work from a paradigm that encourages a "shift" in thinking.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A shift from looking outside to looking within.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A shift from mis-trust and fear to that of deep trust and love.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="background-color: #274e13;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">A shift from focus<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ing on behaviors and </span>outcomes to focusing o<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n stren<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">gths,</span></span> process and growth.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<br />aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-39229000810840399422016-05-31T10:01:00.001-07:002016-05-31T10:01:54.962-07:00A Practical Lesson in Self-Care<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: large;"> Some life lessons, I learn again and again. The importance of consistent self-care is one of them. If I let it slide I find my self feeling stressed, short with people, and less than well. I notice my time and energy feels like it is all going OUT from me. My focus becomes EXTERNAL. When I take time daily to care for myself, time slows. I have more energy. My focus becomes more balanced, both internally and externally. My boundaries become present and deliberate. I begin to <span style="color: #38761d;">"water my own lawn"</span> as it were.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> Sadly, our culture is not rooted in self-care habits. Seeped in materialism, and appearance focused. Saturated in demands of work, socializing has been marginalized to texting and social media networks.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I recently<strike> heard</strike> read (on social media) a friend say <span style="color: red;">"Be bold, phone them."</span> And he was right. It has become "bold" to phone. Quite a testament to the disconnection present in this period of history.</span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Originally, I made this list for me but if any of this speaks to you, this list is for you too! Just recognizing that this speaks to you may be enough.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For me, being ALONE and having a clear intention of recharging is the most important part of the equation.</span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span></h3>
<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;">Change happens slowly and unconsciously for some, while for others change can happen quickly and deliberately. These are not "shoulds" they are "coulds"... so with that in mind I present my list of self-care suggestions:</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">1. Go for a walk</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">2. Carve out 5 minutes to be alone</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">3. Start a journal</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">4. Start an art journal</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">5. Visit the library and find a physical book to get lost in</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">6. Actually get lost in said book</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">7. Lay on the lawn and gaze at the clouds</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">8. Visit a lake, river, or ocean spot you've never been to</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">9. Listen to music you like</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">10. Listen to it loud</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">11. Declare a pajama day</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">12. Hug a friend</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">13. Cuddle an animal</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">14. Create something: music, poetry, photo, jewelry...</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">15. Shower</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">16. Daydream</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">17. Write down your worries and negative thoughts... burn them (optional)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">18. Pray</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">19. Meditate</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">20. Doodle words that have meaning for you</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">21. Color</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">22. Spend time in a forest</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">23. Hoola hoop</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">24. Say "no" when you mean no</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">25. Say "yes" when you mean yes</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">26. Notice when something doesn't feel "right" and listen to that feeling</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">27. Start to feel, name, and be curious about your emotions, without judgement</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">28. Realize that our emotions are there to tell us something</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">29. BREATHE. Really BREATHE. Seriously, look into all the ways to breathe and start practicing </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">30. Think about the people who really care about you</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">31. Think about the people you really care about too</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">32. Think about how someone makes your life better and let them know you appreciate them</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">33. Ask for help</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">34. Cry</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">35. Take a hot bath. (bubbles, wine, music, candles optional)</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">36. Identify your tribe... and spend some time with them or let them know they matter</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">37. Make a bucket list</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">38. Make a thoughtful and realistic to-do list for the week, then try to use it as a guide</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">39. Drink a hot bevy of your choosing</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">40. Declare it a "screen-free" day</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">41. Declare it a "screen-day" and indulge</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">42. Identify goals you have set in the past and met</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">43. Learn techniques to be "in your body"... then spend some time there (even just 5 minutes)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">44. Identify what is most important to you in your life</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">45. Choose foods that taste good and nourish your body and spirit</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">46. Pick just one of these and deliberately make it a habit</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">47. Dance</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">48. Stretch</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">49. Drink a glass of water</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">50. Take a guilt-free nap</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">51. Help someone</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">52. Cultivate compassion for yourself when you fall short or make mistakes</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">53. Learn from your mistakes</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">54. Go get a massage, acupuncture, or pedicure</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">55. Eat some chocolate</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">56. Bake cookies... your house will smell delightful</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">57. Phone someone who matters to you</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">58. Plant a garden</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">59. Write a letter on paper to anyone living or dead (then do whatever you like with it...)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">60. Pay attention to your finances... budget in something for yourself or for charity</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">61. Cultivate awareness of negative self-talk</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">62. Cultivate awareness of negative beliefs</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">63. Learn about ways to change thought patterns</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">64. Cultivate spirituality</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">65. Watch your favorite movie</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">66. LAUGH</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">67. Tell someone you love them</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">68. Forgive yourself</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">69. Forgive others</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">70. Plant seeds of a peaceful joyous life everyday!</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">71. Start a gratitude journal</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">72. Start to notice when judgemental thoughts creep in</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">73. Realize that the only person you control is you (and be thankful for that because it really is a load off!)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">74. Listen to the rain, or lay in the sun</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">75. Learn healthy ways of communicating about your feelings and needs</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">76. Write your own self-care list!</span></span></span>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-21842100698291861672015-05-11T19:37:00.002-07:002015-05-11T19:37:17.728-07:00we have lice... don't lie - i know you want some too<span style="color: #741b47;">With two kids in a wide variety of public activities we have had the extreme pleasure of dealing with lice Three times now!! Aren't we lucky?! We are in the third time as we speak and I am inspired to share my wisdom because I know deep down you want lice too!!</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><br />So here's my step-by-step guide to how to have the most fun possible as a mom. Really, if you have just found a lice bug- be happy because your life is going to be EXTRA awesome for the next 5 weeks or so.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>STEP 1:</b><span style="color: #990000;"><b> Loose your CRAP. </b>Seriously. Hide in the bathroom. Call a girlfriend. Cry. Throw a fit. (of excitement of course) because you have just won the lottery of fun. This takes me about an hour but if this is your first time, feel free to give yourself a day or so :D Feel free to revisit this one every so often ;)</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>STEP 2:</b> <span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>Blame someone.</b> It's human nature, you will want to blame someone. As you are sitting there searching for microscopic blood sucking devil spawn you will be thinking "where did they come from? Gymnastics? Music? Bowling? School? Their friends?...Someone must pay." You will never know where they truly come from, except planet earth, but go ahead and mentally blame some place or something if that makes you feel better.... Which brings us to....</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>STEP 3: </b><span style="color: #990000;">(My personal favorite because of the awkward-factor) Buckle up, <b>you get to phone everyone</b> your kids have been in close contact with and explain that they need to be checked for lice, why??... because this is the best part of the mom-gig, that's why!</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>STEP 4: </b><span style="color: #cc0000;"><b>So much laundry.</b> Channel someone in your life who is ultra clean and organized, now be them. Be excited that all your clothes and linens are getting cleaned all at the same time. The laundry mat works great for this if you have an extra 10-20 bucks. All those heaps of clothes that have been stacking up in your daughters closet... they get cleaned, and the pillows, and the blankets. Everything all nice and fresh. YAY. And you will sleep awesome because this is exhausting. Double yay. So you may as well celebrate that too. (also you get to throw out all your hair stuff, or pour boiling soapy water over it and hope it works... don't even think about cleaning that plastic brush in tea tree oil- it will melt it like butter, very sticky dirty black butter. yum.)</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>part B:</b> <span style="color: #cc0000;">You also get to<b> start the bedtime routine early </b>so that you can strip the beds and throw everything in the dryer for 45 minutes before tuck-in time. Every night. Can you say AWESOME??! You should, cause who does love getting into a warm bed??</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>STEP 5: </b><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Choose your method of attack.</b> Chemicals. Oils. Combs. More chemicals. Tears. Fire. Hahaha... seriously though, as delirium sets in you will find yourself daydreaming about ways to obliterate these bugs and their ever-stubborn literally super-glued-to-your-hair bugs. I have considered shaving my head on more than one occasion on account of this. I shave my son's head; and my husband is naturally invincible ;) (read: not many places for the little suckers to hide). I treat myself and my daughter with tea tree and lavender in our shampoo, then in oil we put in our hair. We rinse with vinegar as its supposed to loosen the glue from the eggs.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>STEP 6:<span style="color: #cc0000;"> </span></b><span style="color: #cc0000;">this is the BEST ONE! You don't want to miss this!! Put on a movie and<b> USE A HAIR STRAIGHTENER!!! </b>In one of my death-dealing daydreams I began thinking "if only i could burn them with fire.... wait a minute... a hair straightener would be just about the same...." AND IT WORKS.<b> Like. a. BOSS.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">Go through the hair slowly and straighten from root to tip. The eggs tend to be close to the scalp, so get as close as you can. <u><b>Bonus</b></u>: if you spot a live bug, you get to choose to grab it or fry it! Obviously if it's on your kids actual scalp... maybe don't fry it as it'll hurt your child whom you still love. Have a bowl or sink of hot soapy water and a paper towel handy so if you grab a live bug you can drown his ass. I know this sounds gross, but trust me, the gross factor will subside as delirium and desperation set in. *** We continue with the shampooing, oils, straightening, hot dryer routine every other day for about 1-2 weeks or until we stop seeing any signs of lice or eggs. We keep checking weekly though for at least 5 weeks *** Yay! Did I say Yay yet?</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>BONUS:</b> For added fun I sport what I lovingly refer to as "Lice Bun"... It looks something like this and it protects the public as you do the important mom-type tasks if you have no one else to send:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000;"><b><u>Remember:</u></b> I smell <i>heavily</i> of tea tree and lavender at this point and my hair is slick with oil! It is as though I am saying "Hey world! I have lice and I'm so stoked about it, nothing's getting me down. Being a mom is amaze-balls all the time!" Contrast this with Lice Bun (below) at 2-3 weeks, notice the bags from all the FUN. You can feel it, can't you. I know you want some too.</span></h3>
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><b>STEP... THE NEXT ONE:</b> Actually, this is more of a request: ***PLEASE don't be the jerk who sends your kids out into public with lice. I know it's fun and you want to share but instead think of this as bonding time. You get to watch movies and "play" with each others hair. You get to make fond memories that will be forever recalled with phases like <b>"hey mom, remember that time we had lice? That was awesome."</b> But seriously, watch some shows, eat some junk, sleep in warm fresh beds, play boardgames, and make the best of this essential parenting experience, and keep the FUN to yourself!</span>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-41889121352810752542015-04-14T11:14:00.001-07:002015-04-14T11:14:32.800-07:00"They Come Through You"<!-- START TOP CODE -->
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<b>Welcome to the April 2015 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Household Chores</b><br />
<i>This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by <a href="http://codenamemama.com/2015/04/14/serenading-grandma/" target="_blank">Code Name: Mama</a> and <a href="http://www.hobomama.com/2015/04/hand-family-stories-down-to-next-generation.html" target="_blank">Hobo Mama</a>. This month our participants have shared stories, lore, and wisdom about family history. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.</i><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My family history is complicated. <b>I am adopted.</b> I've been told my story is heavy, but I believe it's worth telling.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What makes my story unique is that I didn't learn the truth about where I came from until I was 33 years old. A wife and mother to two children, and foster mom to one. I appeared to have my identity firmly in place, deep down though built on shaky ground. As my mom struggled to put her words together, I already knew what she was going to say.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I was thinking, "she needs me to just sit here, patiently. She needs to say it out loud." And when she finally said it, all I could say was "I know."</span></span></h4>
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<i><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I knew. However unconsciously.</span></span></i><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"> I had dreamt it. I had felt it. I
had spoken it in whispers my whole life. The times I had dared to question it
out loud, to the knowing adults in my world I was told to stop being ridiculous.
The message that I was surely crazy to question where I came from. My
transgression was giving heed to something I could feel in my body.</span></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">~</span></span></div>
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">This is why, a year and a half ago when she finally managed to put truthful words together for me, all I
could say was:</span></span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"> "I know".</span></span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">"Your dad is
not your biological dad. I was pregnant when we met."</span></span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"> "I know"</span></span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">"How could you
know!?"</span></span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">I could sense her shock.</span></span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<b><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">"I know the way
anyone knows anything. I've always known it. Right here. In my gut."</span></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">~</span></span></div>
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Sc6C5o_slZg/VSFnPNEhSzI/AAAAAAAAAOI/_qSa-59-02E/s1600/woman_tree%2B3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Sc6C5o_slZg/VSFnPNEhSzI/AAAAAAAAAOI/_qSa-59-02E/s1600/woman_tree%2B3.jpg" height="400" width="231" /></a><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Okay, I'm half-adopted- this was no less devastating. In the following year and half, I spent massive amounts of energy questioning everything I thought I knew; trying to piece together the importance of heritage, genetics, roots.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The answer I've come to is Genetics are in fact very powerful, and knowing where one comes from is invaluable.</span></span><br />
<h3>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Taken as a granted for so many people, it wasn't until I realized I had no clue that the privilege of KNOWING became a treasure!</span></span></h3>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">~ </span></span></h3>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I never fit in with our family. Never. I always felt like a misfit. Intuitive, moody, empathic, creative, and willful. In most ways, this news felt like a relief ~ I could BREATHE again with the understanding that I AM ME, and I was valid in my feelings of misfitting.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">To a large extent we, as a family have gone our own way. We unschool, with focus on creativity and spirituality. The greatest learning has always been about discovering WHO we are, and WHO we want to be in the bigger picture. I am a birth doula, massage instructor, a potter, and a student studying counselling, youth work, and art therapy. My husband has been a care aide, and a stone mason. Mostly though, he has been one heck of a husband and father. Together we have worked hard to build a life we can be proud of.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<i><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As an adult who now knows my history, I can see the ways my genetics and
unconscious roots have helped to create who I am.</span></span></i><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I was a healer* and an
artist before I knew we had any history of that.I have also been a
mother, not just to my own children, but to some of my friends children,
and my children's friends. My heart and door is wide open because one
thing I have always believed is that FAMILY is made up of those we LOVE.
Blood or no, family is made up of the people we choose. Is this a
belief I have because of my disconnected, hidden roots? A side-effect of
feeling like a misfit in my family? I have had an altered ability when it comes to
forming attachments- sometimes much easier than one would expect
and at other times struggling much, much more to have what I would
believe should be instinctive.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
(*when I say Healer, I am not referring to faith healing- I am referring to personality traits and the caring professions I have
mentioned. The women in my heritage were described as "healers", a very
broad term imo, implying that they were empathic, intuitive and caring
women.)</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">One gift I can give my children is the truth about our history- both the known and unknown.</span></span></h3>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I can choose to pass on the positive stories and pieces of identity. I can spare my children the trauma I experienced when I had my world turned upside down. They can grow up with the self-knowledge I lacked. Our family has include artists, and healers, horse trainers, gypsies and musicians. They can know that some in our family history went on to have a great deal of education and became very successful in their fields.<i><b> Maybe they will identify with some of those things and maybe they won't, but they will be able to grow with their internal world intact. </b>There's also something kind of special in not knowing everything, a certain amount of mystery and story-choosing... heck, maybe someone in our background was a mermaid! :D</i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_L_Bi8ZWFTE/VSFp29WKxyI/AAAAAAAAAOo/zLE5U4S8E04/s1600/Mermaid-fantasy-1293851-973-1659.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_L_Bi8ZWFTE/VSFp29WKxyI/AAAAAAAAAOo/zLE5U4S8E04/s1600/Mermaid-fantasy-1293851-973-1659.jpg" height="320" width="187" /></a></div>
<br />
<i><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">They can have freedom knowing we respect and love them whoever they are or choose to become. They can have the gift of FREEDOM to be who they are now and to grow into whoever they please.</span></span></i><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Over the course of this last year two things have been the most influential for me: 1.) my husbands outlook, 2.) the words of Kahlil Gibran.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My husband says I should give no one credit for my identity. He questions why I would choose to give away my power in that way. He says I am who I am because I have worked hard to be who I am. I have lived through a lot of trauma, I have faced it, I have worked with it, I have let it fuel me. I am me because I am me. I credit the Creator and myself. I strive to be true to who I am and to live an authentic, joyous existence. Ultimately this is what I want for my children too (minus the trauma, of course). I want them to BE. To GROW and LEARN. To feel EMPOWERED to create their identity. <u><i><b>Just as I knew in my gut who I am, they do too.</b></i></u></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And now I close with the words of Kahlil. <i><b>His words "they come through you not from you" brought me peace at a time when peace seemed utterly impossible.</b></i> His words ground me in my role in my children's life.<i><b> </b></i></span></span><br />
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><b>Our heritage, though powerful, is only as important as we choose to make it.</b></i> </span></span></h3>
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This is literally posted on my wall as a reminder:</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">On Children</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">by Kahlil Gibran</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">~</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Your children are not your children.</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">They come through you but not from you,</span></span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">~</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You may give them your love but not your thoughts.</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For they have their own thoughts.</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You may house their bodies but not their souls,</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> ~</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">~</span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.</span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,</span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.</span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;</span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For even as He loves the arrow that flies,</span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">so He loves also the bow that is stable.</span></span></b></div>
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<a href="http://codenamemama.com/carnival-of-natural-parenting/" target="_blank" title="Carnival of Natural Parenting"><img align="right" alt="Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama" border="0" class="alignright" src="http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee159/lintpicker/CNPnaturalparent.jpg" /></a>Visit <a href="http://codenamemama.com/carnival-of-natural-parenting/" target="_blank"><b>Code Name: Mama</b></a> and <a href="http://www.hobomama.com/p/carnival-of-natural-parenting.html" target="_blank"><b>Hobo Mama</b></a> to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
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<li><b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7023880743484625726#" target="_blank">"They Come Through You"</a></b> — Aspen at <b>Aspen Mama</b> shares what her late-discovery adoption means to her and her family.</li>
<li><b><a href="http://wp.me/p3fUbI-1oH" target="_blank">The Shape of Our Family: Musings on Genealogy</a></b> — Donna at <b>Eco-Mothering</b> delves into her genealogy and family stories, observing how the threads of family reveal themselves in her daughter.</li>
<li><b><a href="http://www.hobomama.com/2015/04/hand-family-stories-down-to-next-generation.html" target="_blank">Hand family stories down to the next generation</a></b> — Lauren at <b>Hobo Mama</b> asked her father to help her son learn to read — never expecting that Papa's string of richly storytelling emails would bring a treasure trove of family history into their lives.</li>
<li><b><a href="http://leavesoflavender.blogspot.com/2015/04/saving-family-stories.html" target="_blank">Saving Family Stories</a></b> — Holly at Leaves of Lavender talks about why she thinks it's important to preserve fun and interesting family stories for future generations.</li>
<li><b><a _blank="" codenamemama.com="" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7023880743484625726" http:="" serenading-grandma="" target="">Serenading Grandma</a></b> — When Dionna at <b>Code Name: Mama</b> started playing violin in the fifth grade, her grandma and mother were the biggest part of her musical cheering section. Her grandma urged her to keep playing and reminded her that someday she'd be thankful for her talent. As was so often the case, her grandma was right.</li>
<li><b><a href="http://crunchychewymama.com/index.php/family-legacy-ambi/" target="_blank">Family legacy ambivalence</a></b> — With a family history of depression and suicide, Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama frets about her children's emotional health.</li>
<li><b><a href="http://articles.earthlingshandbook.org/2015/04/14/seder-and-holy-week/" target="_blank">Seder and Holy Week: Family Traditions, Old and New</a></b> — As an Episcopalian whose children's ancestry is five-eighths Jewish, Becca at The Earthling's Handbook values the annual Passover seder that connects her and the kids to family traditions.</li>
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aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-90303410772236005562015-03-06T13:12:00.000-08:002015-03-06T13:22:14.575-08:00Cultivating Love for Life Long Learning<span style="color: red;">It's been a while since I talked about our learning journey so this is gonna be a good one!</span><br />
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<span style="color: red;">A LOT of really great stuff has been happening for us this year in the learning realm!</span></h3>
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<span style="color: #073763;">I'm going to list<b> our favorite resources. </b>(And just to be clear, I'm not being paid to do it.) Most of these resources we have uses through <b><span style="font-size: large;">strewing...</span></b> which basically means, we fill our home with learning resources knowing that our children will discover them... occasionally leaving stuff in places we know it will be "discovered".<b><i> <span style="font-size: large;">No force, no coercion, just natural inborn curiosity.</span></i> </b>I'm going to intersperse these with some of the amazing things I've been privileged to witness and learn from my learners.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;">One of the most common concerns I hear from people is concerns about how our children will learn to read. Granted, we expect them to learn in their own time, which can feel a little nerve wracking and insecure at times, BUT they have learned. Our daughter, whom I have talked about at length in other posts is now<span style="font-size: large;"> an avid reader </span>despite many learning challenges.</span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;">Our son simply hasn't been interested until this year, nonetheless, he is reading all on his own. We read with him and to him every night, these are some of the best books and series we've found. Most of these we found at our library. We started doing a once per week trip this year and it has been just amazing. One of my favorite things.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8FOQUtfnfjA/VPn_cO7ROEI/AAAAAAAAAL0/6t6uiT_hAoo/s1600/IMG_0202.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8FOQUtfnfjA/VPn_cO7ROEI/AAAAAAAAAL0/6t6uiT_hAoo/s1600/IMG_0202.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #274e13;">We had this series on our book shelf. It's a <span style="font-size: large;">hand-me-down </span>from
my childhood. We began reading it together, and it lost my sons
attention so we moved onto the tv series. An amazing amount of learning
stemmed from this series, carrying on through the whole year... We refer
to it as <i><b>"the year of Little House"</b></i> as it was a near-obsession.My oldest is re-reading this series again, it's so loved.</span></td></tr>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GekjKbRyr98/VPn_glt7MMI/AAAAAAAAAL8/a1n183g3JR0/s1600/IMG_0206.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GekjKbRyr98/VPn_glt7MMI/AAAAAAAAAL8/a1n183g3JR0/s1600/IMG_0206.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #134f5c;">Okay, honestly, I have not read these. My husband has been reading them with our son, and our daughter has whipped through them too. Anything that gets him "hooked" I figure has to be good!</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6QreFZfP3TA/VPn_jP-Sj7I/AAAAAAAAAME/BNathrcDQrg/s1600/IMG_0207.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6QreFZfP3TA/VPn_jP-Sj7I/AAAAAAAAAME/BNathrcDQrg/s1600/IMG_0207.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"> Again, I love a series that has a movie too. Watching the movie got my daughter started on these. My daughter has been eating them up.</span></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Fpg-YD4uUg/VPn_leY7BoI/AAAAAAAAAMM/MHQbWteEj3c/s1600/IMG_0208.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Fpg-YD4uUg/VPn_leY7BoI/AAAAAAAAAMM/MHQbWteEj3c/s1600/IMG_0208.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #351c75;">Math is just not my thing, or my husbands. Sometimes I worry my kids will be super deficient in math. LIFE OF FRED teaches math in story form and with humor. Really cool.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;">We've also been loving online learning sites- Brainpop, IXL and Dreambox.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;">GAMES for math are awesome too. Ticket to Ride, Cards, Crokinole, Settlers of Catan, Carcassone.... Seriously, the list could go on and on.</span></h2>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KEj3s46_FNE/VPn_nLplIOI/AAAAAAAAAMU/W6t82JnPTP0/s1600/IMG_0209.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KEj3s46_FNE/VPn_nLplIOI/AAAAAAAAAMU/W6t82JnPTP0/s1600/IMG_0209.JPG" height="239" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #741b47;">This may seem a weird shot to include, but following natural learning ideas we haven't pushed our kids to learn to read- trusting that they will in their own time and way. That's where Strewing comes in...</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">We have ALWAYS had a basket of magazines, books, and comic in our bathroom. I would venture to say most of their reading skills have come from bathroom time!</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zOoVtzb7RYA/VPn_pfuh5AI/AAAAAAAAAMc/58e6iUNs6Kc/s1600/IMG_0210.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zOoVtzb7RYA/VPn_pfuh5AI/AAAAAAAAAMc/58e6iUNs6Kc/s1600/IMG_0210.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #45818e;"> <span style="font-size: large;">I seriously cannot say enough about this series-</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #45818e;">ORIGAMI YODA. So Awesome! Star Wars meets origami, meets middle school. Funny and super entertaining!</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #45818e;">Spaceheads aka- SPHDZ also had our full attention.</span></b><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N_seVHQiy8Q/VPn_xpFol2I/AAAAAAAAAMs/HJ1dhox3Mo4/s1600/IMG_0211.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N_seVHQiy8Q/VPn_xpFol2I/AAAAAAAAAMs/HJ1dhox3Mo4/s1600/IMG_0211.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #b45f06;">Oak discovered this one on our very packed bookshelf. It's an <b>old classic reader, </b>and it's an awesome find. Bonus is because he "found" it<span style="font-size: large;"> he was enthusiastic about reading it </span>together and the words were at just his level!</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EAAB4qiZ4JU/VPn_zeXO0xI/AAAAAAAAAM0/luzfUNn8BME/s1600/IMG_0212.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EAAB4qiZ4JU/VPn_zeXO0xI/AAAAAAAAAM0/luzfUNn8BME/s1600/IMG_0212.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #073763;"><b>BOY AND A BEAR IN A BOAT</b>~ Okay, I know that sounds super strange but it was, imo, very in harmony with Waldorf style stories. Oak says it was <span style="font-size: large;">"Peaceful, Adventurous, and a little bit stupid </span>cause there wasn't a proper ending." It was one of those open ending, which I think is kinda cool cause it leaves it open for creativity and exploration.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AKMlddC2nss/VPn_17fOXII/AAAAAAAAAM8/L62RA9CF5Ls/s1600/IMG_0213.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AKMlddC2nss/VPn_17fOXII/AAAAAAAAAM8/L62RA9CF5Ls/s1600/IMG_0213.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #45818e;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><<< This one is a treasure.</b></span> I would actually give it as a gift to new parents. Full of Waldorf stories from around the world, teaches morals and humanities :D and the <span style="font-size: large;">art work is beautiful!</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iGYMmgsZjLE/VPn_5R319nI/AAAAAAAAANM/jHic9MGHlYM/s1600/IMG_0216.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iGYMmgsZjLE/VPn_5R319nI/AAAAAAAAANM/jHic9MGHlYM/s1600/IMG_0216.JPG" height="400" width="297" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;">Of course, building toys, marbles, and letter tiles!</span></span></td></tr>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cGTo0YB6tGU/VPn_3vjj39I/AAAAAAAAANE/xjaK-qROPxA/s1600/IMG_0215.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cGTo0YB6tGU/VPn_3vjj39I/AAAAAAAAANE/xjaK-qROPxA/s1600/IMG_0215.JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-euEAWBN6w7E/VPn___J8oKI/AAAAAAAAANk/sS5hdVNEx90/s1600/IMG_0201.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-euEAWBN6w7E/VPn___J8oKI/AAAAAAAAANk/sS5hdVNEx90/s1600/IMG_0201.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Chalk boards and white boards are scattered throughout our house, messages from BE THE CHANGE cards are written on them. These cards are a GEM! SO SO Cool!</span></span></td></tr>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cIWzyDFfPBA/VPn_76zo_cI/AAAAAAAAANU/0If9P-49Dmg/s1600/IMG_0217.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cIWzyDFfPBA/VPn_76zo_cI/AAAAAAAAANU/0If9P-49Dmg/s1600/IMG_0217.JPG" height="239" width="320" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WFnj62k3eLQ/VPn_-cggCcI/AAAAAAAAANc/5AA5SECDles/s1600/IMG_0218.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WFnj62k3eLQ/VPn_-cggCcI/AAAAAAAAANc/5AA5SECDles/s1600/IMG_0218.JPG" height="239" width="320" /></a></div>
<b> <span style="color: #38761d;">A ready supply of tactile and crafty supplies: clay, beading, paints, pastels, yarn, scissors, paper, glue,and sewing stuff.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="color: #38761d;"><u>Aaron's Thinking Putty </u>is really neat stuff. This one changes color with a little light pointer, other ones are magnetic or change with heat. </span></b><span style="color: #38761d;">>>>>>>>>>>>></span><br />
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><b>Exercise has been a HUGE component for us this year. </b>Weekly swimming and skating, scootering to the park and playing ball with the neighborhood kids. I have read about the importance of physical exercise in learning but never witnessed it's influence on growth until this year. Definitely worth making a priority.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d;">This year we discovered <span style="font-size: large;"><b>Geocaching.</b></span> Seriously, if you haven't heard of it- google it. Download the App. It's worth it. <span style="font-size: large;">Exercise, time in nature, and discovery.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Grandpa gifted Oak a microscope which has opened the door to very new learning. Thanks Grandpa!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #073763;">Our daughter Liv, has been a part of organizing a few community activities too. She's directing a (rather large) group of home learners in <span style="font-size: large;"><b>producing their own bible Drama.</b></span> Regularly rehearsing and planning costumes. We've also connected with a great group of <span style="font-size: large;">Belly Dancing women.</span> These to group activities are free, all it took was connecting with a group of like minded people!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">I will add to that instruments. For Liv, playing the violin is something she was able to be successful at even when she was struggling with her <b>learning challenges.</b> So maybe for your learner it isn't a musical instrument that gets them going, but <b>whatever it is that they have success with- I say- Go with it!</b></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-j868lV4MOig/VPoABff0RNI/AAAAAAAAANs/xwUU3d88bv0/s1600/IMG_0203.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-j868lV4MOig/VPoABff0RNI/AAAAAAAAANs/xwUU3d88bv0/s1600/IMG_0203.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="font-size: large;">This is ZUKO. This little guy has provided tons of science learning. Now I'm not saying run out and buy a pet for science... but caring for him, our fish and our dog have been pretty great learning opportunities!</span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">I'm gonna go out on a limb and talk about screens for just a sec. I know this is a controversial one... Waldorf is all strict and very limiting on it, and on the other end you have the radical unschoolers who are like<b> "no limits ever- learning is learning."</b> <i><u>I'm setting philosophy aside </u></i>and just going to say what has worked for us and why. This year we imposed limits, as much as I cringe a little as I say that. The limits are as follows, screen time after 3pm, and free-for-all on weekends- unless it's a learning website. Again, I cringe because we have modeled these limits based on school hours. Here's why it works, before we set these limits, only screen-oriented learning was happening, now various kinds of learning is- and lots of it! It's been a simple and effective limit. <i><b>Totally worth working through my initial "cringe".</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e;">The other thing that's been new is I've returned to school! The kids are getting a look at what a more traditional course looks like, and they are digging into my textbooks with me. It's been really cool. so that's my last thought:<b><span style="font-size: large;"> model Love of Learning, it's contagious!</span></b></span>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-3375968308015292642015-02-12T14:13:00.003-08:002015-02-12T14:13:16.158-08:00a call for compassion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I recently took a facebook break. I've never done that before, but I was inspired to do it because one of my friends had in the past and she found it to be an insightful time. She was taking another "break" and I jumped on her bandwagon.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Articles and blogs about the vaccine debate had been flooding my feed<b>. <span style="font-size: large;">(Before you stop reading this post is NOT about vaccines!)</span></b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>More than anything I read about the diseases or shots I was disturbed by the attitudes of people. People read the opinions or worse, the real life experiences of fellow humans and feel entitled to judge, to argue, to blame. <b>To debate their belief or experience, to debate the choices made by another human.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I find the lack of basic human compassion both shocking and disappointing.</span></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Regardless of the topic, this trend to judge, shame, argue, debate and impose is ever present.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have seen it in regards to everything: birthing choices, health choices, schooling, co-sleeping, breast and bottle feeding, discipline, spirituality and religion.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Most of the comments I've read, <b>a person would NEVER dream of saying to another persons face, stranger or not.</b> I have never once shared my story with someone in person and been met with the kind of<b> abuse and hate </b>I see happening online.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Where are people's compassion?</span></span></i></span></h4>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">We live as though we believe it
would be great if we could control everything; sometimes our comments imply we even wish to control the decisions other people make. But do we really want that much responsibility?.. including being at fault for any undesirable consequences?<span style="font-size: large;"> <b>Are we really so sure we are absolutely "right"?</b></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>We want to believe</b> we can control the aspects of life that are <i>simply UN-controllable.</i> <b>It would be amaze-balls if people could say definitively, without a doubt it is ALWAYS best to X-Y-Z... </b>But we can't, because <b>we have this beautiful thing called variety, and uniqueness and choice; and nothing is one size fits all.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The good news is I can control me. I can be mindful of my thoughts, association, beliefs, and choices. I can do my best to make the right choices for myself and my family, and I can do others the honor of crediting them with the same best intentions; thereby <i><b>choosing Compassion... even if for no other reason than it feels a whole lot better.</b></i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I can be open to learning, to the possibility that I could be wrong. I can realize that when I click on a link to read someones story, it is not my right to be angry with them, to argue them, or to shame them. When I read someone's story,<i><b> it is my right to realize that it is just that it ~ is THEIR STORY, and it is just as true and valid as is my story.</b></i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Hopefully I will choose Compassion over Judgement.</span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">This is a call for COMPASSION!</span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Imagine you are looking the person in their face. Hearing their voice. Seeing their tears of loss. Let compassion be more important than being right or justifying your own choices. Realize that everyone has so much more going on than you can possibly imagine, and show Compassion.</span></span></h3>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #073763;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">IMAGINE our grandmothers</span> getting together and judging one another as harshly as we do online. Our grandmothers had this thing called<span style="font-size: large;"> community.</span> Person-to-person connection. Face-to-face hugs. Sharing and support.</i></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #073763;"><i>Am I being idealistic? Probably, and still I just have. to. say. something.</i></span></span></span></b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So after my two week facebook break, I logged on to add some photos... Only to feel like I needed to write this and take another break. I got sucked into the news feed, which surprise surprise is still full of vaccine debate, and hate, and people calling each other ignorant and other names. No one is "hearing" each other. No one is using their senses to feel or offer support.<i><b> No one is stopping to think about the real, live person on the other side of the screen who has their own very real stuff going on; their own just-as-valid reasons as you.</b></i></span></span><br />
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<br />aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-68238234204441557712014-11-10T12:58:00.003-08:002014-11-10T13:00:13.950-08:00Unschooling / Natural Learning ~ For The Win! (Even With Dyslexia)<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Not so long ago, only<span style="color: #990000;"> 3 short years</span>, I was writing in this space about my daughter's learning disabilities. She was in the process of having her learning assessed.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">To catch you up, the results showed, she has <b><span style="color: #990000;">dyslexia (reading), dysgraphia (writing), and a math disability</span></b> that I can never remember the official name for. Having her assessment done was a huge decision, again, one which I wrote about at great length. I'm writing today because<b> I believe it's important to continue to tell our story.</b> Choosing the learning path of unschooling/natural learning can make one feel <span style="color: #20124d;"><i>lonely and misunderstood </i></span>at times; and certainly having a learning disability or raising a child with one (or a few) can also feel <span style="color: #351c75;"><i>isolating at times</i>.</span> It is with my daughter's permission that I continue to share our story.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Three years ago, when she was diagnosed, the focus of conversation was often on <b>"interventions"... </b>What program, tutor or therapy would address her deficits? At the time, I felt very frustrated at our lack of available resources. We live in a small town, and many of the things suggested <i><b>simply were not available</b></i> where we live.<span style="color: #660000;"><b> </b></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;"><b>I felt insecure and afraid sometimes that my daughter may not get the help that the experts felt was<span style="font-size: large;"> essential.</span></b></span> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So what happened next?</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She spent one year<span style="font-size: large;"><b> working at a small farm</b></span>, and<span style="font-size: large;"> <b>creating art in a local pottery studio.</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How did this address her needs?<span style="color: #990000;"><b> These are not exactly recommended "interventions".</b></span> </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A professional could probably break it down; but an educator, I am not. I am simply a mom; so I can only speak to what I saw, and what my daughter has been gracious enough to share with me as I'm writing.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">After her initial diagnosis, I saw relief. I saw relief at having a name for a problem she knew was there; but had not been validated. Before her assessment, she carried frustration and anxiety. She knew she was different. No matter how hard she worked to be like her peers, she couldn't be. <b>They knew it, and she, unfortunately felt it.</b> I witnessed her negative emotions turning inward, against herself; I think that was the most concerning. She is bright and gifted, but <b>all she could see were her short comings.</b> It is for this reason that when parents ask me about assessments; I, in turn ask about the <span style="color: #990000;"><i>child's emotions.</i></span><i><span style="color: #660000;"> How does the child feel about them self? Are they noticing and feeling the differences? Are their peers noticing? Is it affecting their relationships with others and with them self?...</span> </i>But I digress.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Having a name for her difference meant <b>when she felt it, she could say </b>"oh, that's my dyslexia". When friends or family noticed her struggle<b> she could explain,</b> "it's because I have dyslexia."</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A diagnosis relieved her of feeling that it was because she didn't work hard enough, or feeling that she must be stupid. No,<b> she has a brain that works like people who are given a dyslexic brain.</b> No shame needed.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I asked my girl what about working at <b>the farm</b> helped her. She says<span style="color: #0c343d;"> having a routine helped her to improve her sequencing. Talking to the animals helped her by helping her to feel understood. Building a relationship with the horse, and being able to communicate through the bridle helped. She says that when riding the horse, her and the horse would share their anxiety.</span> <b>Not exactly a traditional dyslexia intervention.</b> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">With the lack of resources, we continued to approach her learning the way we always had: <span style="color: #0c343d;"><b>with the belief that she is built to learn; she is endowed with the wisdom to know what she needs.</b></span> Her work on the farm inspired her to want to make a movie on the farm. She tacked writing a script with<i><b> passion, and confidence</b></i>; and while her spelling, punctuation and penmanship were impressively behind her peers, it didn't matter - to her or to us.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">At the <b>pottery studio</b> too, she got to<b> experience success.</b> She has always been gifted visually. Here she got to create and develop her talent in this area. Again,<span style="color: #0c343d;"><i><b> she was inspired to make things that incorporated script.</b></i></span> Her "output" as it would be called by the Powers That Be, would have been <span style="color: #b45f06;">extremely low </span>if we consider that what was recommended was intensive 2-5 day per week of official interventions.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My daughter's healing was first,<b> emotional.</b> Her confidence and self-esteem had taken a big hit. This time was for her to feel success. <i>For her to <b>own her diagnosis</b>; and to <b>feel our confidence in her.</b></i></span></span></span></h4>
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The following year, we did find a tutor. She wasn't in our town, and traveling to visit her proved to be costly and sometimes due to weather,<span style="color: #274e13;"><b> just plain impossible.</b></span> Again, what was recommended, was <span style="color: #0c343d;"><b>at least twice per week.</b></span> It just wasn't realistic for us. So we <span style="color: #0c343d;"><b>tried once a week; which eventually turned into only twice per month.</b></span> Overall, she did not have very many visits. My daughter would work with her tutor for a total of 3 hours each visit; one of which was spent <b><span style="color: #274e13;">riding her horse! </span></b>To begin with, my daughter admits she wasn't thrilled at the idea of working with the tutor. She says she agreed to it by accident; that I asked her about it while she was distracted. She says <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><b>she imagined that working with a tutor would be like spending time with someone who wanted to change her. </b></span></span>Seriously, just take a moment and digest that.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Once she started working with her though, she found that she really liked her. She was a really nice lady with whom she connected. And of course, riding never hurt her motivation!</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The next year, she had <b>no "interventions" at all.</b> Wait. That's not entirely true. The school we work with, generously set her up with a program for kids with dyslexia, for me to work through with her. It was a FAIL. <b>Frustration reared it's ugly head once again.<span style="color: #0c343d;"> Her confidence and our relationship was taking a hit.</span></b> <span style="color: #274e13;"><b>If I had continued to act out of fear, I would have pushed it longer than I had.</b></span> Thankfully, <span style="color: #0c343d;"><i>we acted in favor of love and peace </i></span>instead.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She spent the year devouring <u>every book</u> she could get her hands on: she has read the whole Little House series, Little Women, The Bread Winner Series, the first 4 books of the Lemony Snicket Series, the old Peter Pan, 3 of the Mysterious Bennedict Society, BFG, and both of the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory books, James and Giant Peach, The Hobbit.... the list goes on and on...</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She also joined a <span style="color: #0c343d;"><b>belly dance</b></span> group, and choreographed a dance for our group, and continued<span style="color: #274e13;"><b> learning violin.</b></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">If I've learned one thing the most, it's that when it comes to learning; Emotion is Everything!! It is at the root of our motivation and success. Positive feelings, inquiry and passion create learning. Period. So "intervene" with activities that create these emotions and learning success will follow.</span></span></span></h4>
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Last year, despite being granted an exemption, my girl chose to participate in the standardized testing.With the help of a scribe, she scored in the average range! Go figure that.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This year marked the fourth year since her first assessment. The Powers That Be felt she was due for an <b>updated assessment.</b> She jumped at the offer. Unfortunately, she <i>misunderstood </i>what this was all about. With all the obvious progress she had made <b><span style="color: #660000;">she thought it was possible that the examiner would tell her she no longer had dyslexia!</span> </b>So when the results came in showing all of her vast improvements, all she heard was that she still had this difference. <b>She was incredibly disappointed; but with some time and reassurance she has gained a better understanding.</b></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I'm the most excited to share with you what I believe is the most amazing thing about the results. This is the main reason for this post...</span></span></span></h3>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As I looked down the list of official recommendations, it may as well have been a list of activities she was already engaged in. <b><i>Creative writing and drama-</i></b> she has organized a group of our local home learners to prepare a drama. She has written a script, and is actively directing the rehearsals. She has discovered online <b><i>creative writing</i></b> forums where she has been posting a story she has been working on. Continuing to learn <b><i>violin, </i></b>to improve her decoding and fine motor skills. Non-competitive sports, where a motion is repeated, such as <i><b>belly dance. </b><span style="color: #0c343d;">Obviously, there were other very simple recommendations for us. Things like giving her a quiet space to work in.</span></i></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We are <b>so grateful</b> to have found a <b>fantastic tutor</b> to work with her this year. She has approached our girl with a <span style="color: #0c343d;"><b>curious, respectful, and co-operative spirit.</b></span> When she asked our girl what her learning goals were she said <span style="color: #274e13;"><b>spelling, punctuation, printing and math. </b></span>All the things, unbeknownst to us that would appear as the exact areas needing improvement. She has proven to me again and again, that she is <i><b>so connected</b></i> to her intuition. Together they have been working towards these goals, not with a program as their guide, but <b><span style="font-size: large;">positivity, inquiry, and passion.</span></b></span></span></span><br />
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<h4 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So, what's my point?</span></span></span></h4>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>~Do what works</b> for your learner: approach their learning journey with curiosity and respect; with value on their emotions as the ultimate guide. Negative ones to indicate something is not right and positive to say "Keep going! Life is good!"</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>~Don't fear</b> the assessment. And certainly, if your child is showing signs of suffering emotionally, get it done! Find out what exactly is going on for them; and some clues as to what may help! If nothing else, a diagnosis can validate for them what's happening in their world. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">~Lastly, most importantly, and most difficultly:<b> trust your learner.</b><span style="color: #0c343d;"> Trust them to know what they need and how they need it.</span> Because if we allow them the honor and space to be tapped into who they are, they really do know.</span></span></span>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-39597678602946718492014-05-23T10:25:00.000-07:002014-05-23T10:27:31.750-07:00No Statistics Needed<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I haven't written of our learning journey in a while. I am inspired to do so today though because of something I heard; <span style="color: #990000;">an "alarming" statistic.</span> Ready?</span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i>If a student is not reading at their grade level by the end of grade three, they have only a 25% chance of graduating.</i></b> </span></span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fUo65z_SA94/U39-NKYWs8I/AAAAAAAAAMs/N3qi8ejkciA/s1600/1412747_10152009603806418_311841370_o.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fUo65z_SA94/U39-NKYWs8I/AAAAAAAAAMs/N3qi8ejkciA/s1600/1412747_10152009603806418_311841370_o.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Are you not alarmed??!</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'm not.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'll admit I felt a little <b>surprised</b> at first. <i>Maybe even a little offended.</i> Why you ask? <span style="color: #4c1130;">Because this statistic is talking about MY children!</span> After I digested it for a few seconds though; I realized that as unschoolers<span style="color: #4c1130;"> this study has nothing to do with my children or our values- it's rather <b>arbitrary.</b></span>
I found myself asking a lot more questions.... Who did this study? What
was their motivation? Was this stat designed to scare me, as a parent?
Or to put pressure on schools and teachers? <i>How does it apply to children with dyslexia</i>, like my girl? And how does it apply to natural learners like us? And... <i>does it matter?</i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It's
funny, as a natural learning, unschooling family we trust the learning
process to unfold as a part of our human nature, but occasionally we
will read something or hear something about learning, or school or
success that gets us thinking and talking. This statistic was one of
those things.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<b><span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Here's why this study doesn't scare me:</span></span></b><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I
know my kids best. I trust them to be the brilliant, learning creatures
they were designed to be. Period. That means that if they learn
something later than their peers,<i> it's irrelevant. </i>Conversely, they learn a lot of things before their peers, or even some things most people may never learn.<i> Also irrelevant. </i>Comparison,
in my experience is fear driven, and only leads to negativity- even if
one comes out ahead, negativity is often the result. Better to breathe
and enjoy the ride.<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span>Appreciate individuality.</span></span></span> </span></span></div>
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Fear is not a good motivation to learn anything. <span style="color: #3d85c6;">Joy and positivity</span> nourishes learning! Not to mention, feels so much better- why not choose that?!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Next, this study is assuming we all believe that <b>graduation equals success. </b>Guess what? I don't buy it. <span style="color: #0b5394;">Graduation does not <i>necessarily</i> equal success</span>; it does not equal<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> <span style="font-size: large;">happiness.</span></span> Graduation does not guarantee good <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">communication skills</span></span>, good <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">relationships</span></span> with people, good <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">work ethic.</span></span> Graduation definitely does not equal <span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">self-knowledge</span></span></span>,(by far one of the most important things to develop, imo) or having a <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">direction in life</span>.</span> It doesn't even mean having the <span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span style="font-size: large;">basic skills</span> </span>one
would equate with having graduated- reading, writing, spelling, and
math. (Thankful for spell check, this high school grad's spelling is
atrocious!!)</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This study is designed to appeal to the group of people who value graduation as the <b>standard goal</b>
for our youth. I am not one of those people. My goals for my learners
are a little broader. My belief about success is a little different;<span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">success
is knowing yourself, being confident- your strengths and weaknesses,
your goals and dreams, your beliefs and values. Success is knowing how
to be happy in life; how to have good relationships; how to breathe and
enjoy the ride.</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If
my Learners graduate, it will be because they valued graduation as
being an important part of their success. Certainly, it is valued by our
culture as a starting point, and could serve some purposes. However, if
they do not graduate, it will not be because they were<b> "late readers",</b> it will not be because we are <b>poor financially</b> (which evidently is also considered a risk factor), and it will not be because they have <b>learning "disabilities".</b>
It will be because they have another way to measure their success; it
will be because they know who they are and what they want. It will not
be something that happens out of default; or fear driven by comparison
to peers. As natural learners,<i> their success will come from learning to work with their nature.</i> Living joyously and true to themselves.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I have faith in our brilliant design. It brings to mind the words of John Holt:</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"Fish swim, birds fly; man thinks and learns. Therefore, we do not need
to ‘motivate’ children into learning, by wheedling, bribing, or
bullying. We do not need to keep picking away at their minds to make
sure they are learning. What we need to do, and all we need to do, is
bring as much of the world as we can into the school and the classroom;
give children as much help and guidance as they need and ask for; listen
respectfully when they feel like talking; and then get out of the way.
We can trust them to do the rest."</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Just as I trust a fish to know how to swim, and a bird to fly, I trust my children to think and learn. <i>I trust their designer</i> to have given them gifts and abilities that will serve them well. No statistics needed. I can trust them to do the rest.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
xo<br />
<br />aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-2050545885023973812013-04-03T23:10:00.001-07:002013-04-03T23:10:04.661-07:00Wealthy with Gratitude<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">***This is the post where I cheese it up and write all the "typical" things poor people go on about. You know, all the stuff about how we're so rich in other ways. yup, that's what this is.***</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But first, <span style="font-size: large;">zoom out</span>, go to big picture. On a global scale, we are not even close to poor. Not even close.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We own our home!</span> Not a shmancy home. A town home, big enough for us to each have our own bedrooms. Big enough to house my art studio. Not huge, not fancy; but enough.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>How many people do NOT have that?</b> It's incredibly sad to be aware of; and we, here in Canada are considered poor.<b> I have relatively new flooring</b>, and freshly painted walls. We have indoor plumbing; a roof that doesn't leak, and heat. <b>But we are so hard done by?</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-size: large;">We have healthy, <b>organic food </b>everyday.</span> </span>Three meals worth, and quite a few snacks too. I consider us so blessed. The poorest we've been was a few years ago, when we were down to a can of sardines, and a pack of crackers. Not even kidding. We gave thanks for it; and unbelievably, <b>even the kids ate it. </b>The next morning, not one, but two family members brought us food. No one knew we had run out; and yet now we had food. More than a little faith strengthening.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We have clothes.</span> Not always new, not always the best; but a few times a year we do all get <b>something new.</b> And we're all pretty happy with that.<b> Friends and family are kind and generous enough to hand-me-down to us, and we're <span style="font-size: large;">thankful.</span></b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>Their giving helps make our life better. (I wonder what the appearance conscious teen I used to be would think of that?!)</span></span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YvfrgC_p9Zk/UV0Xg4C7-bI/AAAAAAAAAJ4/_WrHNJDr7MU/s1600/DSC00351.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YvfrgC_p9Zk/UV0Xg4C7-bI/AAAAAAAAAJ4/_WrHNJDr7MU/s400/DSC00351.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><i>I'm thankful to have spirituality in my life</i></b>;</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">to guide me, provide hope and cushion fears -</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">helps us try to keep our priorities in order.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I'm thankful to<b> be able to spend the majority of my time</b> with my family <i><b>everyday.</b></i></span></span><br />
<h3>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I get to be the one to witness my littles growing up.</span></span></h3>
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I get to hear their questions, and search for answers with them. I get to see the moment it all comes together and makes sense. <b>I get to play with them, and pray with them.</b> I get to tuck them good-night.</span></span><br />
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<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Our family is blessed enough to have all our needs
met; both spiritually and materially. So while some would definitely consider us poor, I feel rich with gratitude! </span></span></b></h3>
aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-44469633728157356262013-02-27T20:10:00.002-08:002013-02-27T20:10:24.888-08:00"I Could Never Do That..."<h3>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"I Could Never Do That..." </span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><br /></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"I could never <b>homeschool or unschool"</b></span></span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"I could never <b>eat gluten-free"</b></span></span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"I could never have a </span></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><b><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">homebir</span></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">th, co-sle</span></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">ep, or nurse well into toddlerhood"</span></span></b></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"I couldn't stand it if my husband were home all the time on a disability, while I worked part-time"</span></span></h3>
<br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>"I Could Never"</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I've heard this phrase many times, have you? Sometimes I hear it in my own head. In fact, most of the above I have heard <b>in my own head</b>, at some time; and yet these are some of the <b>things I have done that I am the most proud of</b>, and the <b>most thankful</b> to have done.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This has me thinking, maybe "I could never do that" serves a purpose. <b>Maybe it's us challenging ourselves.</b> Maybe it's us saying to ourselves <span style="color: #20124d;"><b>"Would I want to do that? Would I value that in my life? Would I have the circumstances to do that?"</b></span> Maybe it's us, taking an idea and making a judgement on it for ourselves personally. And maybe some personal growth comes from that. Maybe whatever it is doesn't fit into what we would envision for our life; or maybe it could; or maybe it already does. <b>Maybe "I could never do that" isn't as final as it sounds, if a persons mind is up to questioning it's truth.</b></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">When I hear my internal voice say "I could never do that" I tend to answer myself with a bunch of questions. <span style="color: #20124d;"><b>"Is that really true? Could I honestly not do that? What would happen if I did?"</b></span> And eventually sometimes the answer is <span style="color: #274e13;">"Well, sure of course I <b>could</b> do that."</span> or <span style="color: #274e13;">"Maybe I just don't <b>want</b> to".</span></span></span><br />
<h3>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This is what I feel is the sad part; I think that sometimes when someone's internal voice says "I could never do that", and <span style="font-size: large;">we believe it,</span> and we are selling ourselves short.</span></span></h3>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">~ </span></span></span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>We are each made so incredibly beautiful, capable of so many things. Why limit ourselves with "I could never"?</b></span></span></h3>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>~</b></span></span>
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<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">We've also been given this beautiful gift of freedom to write our own stories; sometimes "I could never" is stealing our freedom.</span></span></h3>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">~</span></b></div>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So these are the kinds of conversations I have with myself. <i>(As if you needed that peak into Crazy-town!)</i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But here's the thing, sometimes, I hear
"I could never do that" from others. It's as if they are hearing what I'm doing, and <b>their internal dialogue of "I could never do that" spills out.</b> Not to be offensive, but sometimes hearing that can feel a little, um, <b>discouraging... </b>yeah, let's go with that.</span></span><br />
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" 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<br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I bring this up because most recently I've been hearing <span style="color: #274e13;">"I could never do that"</span> in relation to adoption. That's right. I said it: <span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-size: large;">adoption.</span></span> Go ahead a take a moment to digest that.<span style="color: #990000;"> Admittedly, it's HUGE.</span> It's a gigantic, life-altering chapter that <span style="font-size: large;"><b>we are choosing to write into the story of our life.</b></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Adoption</b> is an <b>active process</b> of jumping through hoops, (and more hoops) to qualify. <i>It means we are opening ourselves up spiritually, emotionally, and physically to welcoming a new member of our family.</i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">When we began this process, I was feeling pretty private about it; not telling very many people because <b>I anticipated all the variations of "I could never do that" that I could be hearing.</b> <i>I wanted to block out any discouragement coming my way.</i> I didn't want to hear the not-so-great experiences people hear or have had. <span style="color: #0c343d;">(Why are we so quick to share the sad stories? Is it a warning? Is it meant to say "Listen, you are investing and risking a lot, and you could fail"... as though we are not acutely aware of that already?)</span> I wanted to protect my heart from those who would be unsupportive. But here's the thing, this process has involved my <b>heart, mind and emotions.</b> It's in my conversations and even <span style="font-size: large;">my dreams.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This is me, taking the scary leap of <span style="font-size: large;">openness.</span> We
are expecting! This is exciting news! So for goodness sakes, Please <b>be happy
for us!</b> I feel so <b>grateful</b> to have many friends have been super-supportive.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'm finding this process very similar to pregnancy. </span></span><span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">We
are bonding with the idea of our new child, as any family would be.
Granted, <b>it's a different process</b>; we are <b>opening our hearts to many outcomes</b>: a boy or
girl, of many races, and under the age of 5. A child who may have had
something of a life before us. <i>A child who needs a loving family.</i></span></span><span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> Evidently, this sounds crazy to some.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I'm going to be brutally honest, mostly the unsupportive responses consist of a mix of <b>*silence*</b> and <b>concerns about money</b>.... sometimes with a sad story about <b>ministry involvement</b> thrown in for good measure.... and of course no conversation about anything <b>out-of-the-box</b> would be complete without "I could never do that." <span style="color: orange;"><i>*Please, don't think of me as being hostile about this. I just want to put it out there, that none of these are helpful responses.*</i></span></span><span style="color: orange;"><br /></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Our family has purposely built a <span style="font-size: large;">very <span style="color: #cc0000;"><i>happy</i></span> </span>out-of-the-box life <b>by doing what others swear they could never.</b> And that's cool, cause <span style="font-size: large;">we all get to participate in the writing of our own story.</span> <i>I'm sure I would have a really hard time living another persons story</i>.... (one of school and curriculum, and full time work...) but I could, if I had to, or if those things were things I chose. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<h3>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>I do have one "I could never".</b></span></span></h3>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I could never <b>close off my heart to a child who needs a family</b>, if it was in my power and ability to give them one.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> I have never stopped <b>imagining</b> our third
child coming to us through adoption. <span style="color: #0c343d;"><i>We have always, as long as we've
been a couple, held that in our hearts and minds as being of so much
value.</i></span> It has always been in the works for us. So as much as you could
never... <i>I guess I have one too. And now it's in the open.</i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-86801636862980697572013-01-03T13:08:00.003-08:002013-01-03T13:09:40.252-08:00Through the eyes of a child...<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: large;">Since becoming a parent, I have developed this pesky habit of seeing the world through my children's eyes. Unfortunately (or fortunately), it can sometimes inspire a passionate post such as this one, advocating for children.....</span></span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Q8KY59efFJs/UOXfbhQqzYI/AAAAAAAAAJo/0qesSxd9Esw/s1600/spanking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Q8KY59efFJs/UOXfbhQqzYI/AAAAAAAAAJo/0qesSxd9Esw/s320/spanking.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I have re-written this post I recently saw on facebook. When I saw this I felt deeply disturbed by it. Here is my re-write:</span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"> ~</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I have made a <span style="font-size: large;">promise</span> to myself that I will not be a spanking parent;</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I will be a respectful parent.</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I will try to <span style="font-size: large;">see the world through your eyes</span> and have <b>empathy</b> for your experience of life.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I will view my role as your parent as <b><i>a sacred honor to be lived up to.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">As the adult, with more experience <b><i>I will choose to control my impulses to hit, yell, or humiliate.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I will be <span style="font-size: large;"><b>creative</b></span> and <span style="font-size: large;">learn to communicate</span> my feelings and hopes.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I will try to understand and <b>be respectful</b> <b>of your <span style="font-size: large;">limits</span> and my own.</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I will try to create an environment of <span style="font-size: large;"><b>Love and Respect</b></span> so that Love and Respect are what you know.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I will try to lead by example.</span></span></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>I will not blindly accept</b></span> the parenting script passed down to me, I will question it,</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">and <b>write my own. </b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I am sure you will make <span style="font-size: large;">plenty of mistakes</span>, <b>we all do.</b> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You will have <span style="font-size: large;">lessons to learn,</span> <b>we all do.</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b> </b></span></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope that you will trust me enough, to <i><span style="font-size: large;">share </span></i></span></span><i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">your life </span></span></span></i><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">with me.</span></i> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">That when you make mistakes, you will <b><i>trust me to treat you with kindness</i></b>,</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">so you will <i>not be sneaky.</i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hope </span></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">that you will be open to receiving my guidance.</span></span></i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I know that you will not always like what I have to say, and I will do my best to be okay with that.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I will be <span style="font-size: large;">open</span> to learning from you, because <span style="font-size: large;">I have learned that you have a lot to teach me.</span> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I purpose to live a<b> mutually respectful life</b> with you, because</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">my connection with you</span> is so incredibly important to me.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">~</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My</span> hope that <span style="font-size: large;">you</span> will choose for me to be a part of <span style="font-size: large;">your</span> adult
li<span style="font-size: large;">fe</span>, because I <span style="font-size: large;">am your </span>parent (noun). And I love and respect you.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> ~</span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>My
mother told me that we were firstly God's children; that we were on
lend to her AND that she would have to be accountable for how she
treated His children.</i></span> <b>*That's wisdom*</b> </span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I think part of the reason I feel bothered by the trend of posts humiliating children and condoning disrespectful treatment, is that I can't figure what the motivation is for this kind of thinking. The basic message seems to be</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <b>"this is how I was raised, and I'm fine". </b>Combined with an underlining feeling of frustration with one's children. This seems to be a call for parents to pat each other on the back, and give each other approval.</span><br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;">***I would feel ashamed if my adult children use the word "survived" in relation to the way I treated them; I would prefer for them to feel that they "thrived".***</span></span></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">Not so
long ago, when Olivia was maybe 5 or so, <b>a few of the unschooling
mothers called me out</b> on sending her for "time-outs." They didn't call
it abuse, or anything like that. <b>I had reasoned, at least I wasn't
spanking! </b>These Strong mothers did ask me some questions; <span style="font-size: large;">I'm thankful</span> that <b>they were
brave enough to speak up on behalf of my daughter.</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">*What was going in her life that she was struggling? </span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">*What exactly did I think she was thinking about while crying in her room?</span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">*Did I really believe she was thinking about the "wrong" she had done?</span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">*Or
was she wondering why the person she loved and trusted the most was
sending her away, withholding love and attention from her?</span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">*Did she have the ability to do what I was expecting of her?</span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">*Did she feel loved and valued by the way I was treating her?</span></span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: large;">I felt terrible.</span> I had been awakened to seeing discipline through her eyes; awakened to <span style="font-size: large;">seeing myself through her eyes.</span></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: large;">~ </span></span></span></div>
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I can't help but I wonder how this kind of parenting will look through the eyes of our children as they become more aware?</span></span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I wonder if they will wonder why so few people spoke up on their behalf?</span></span></h3>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">~</span></span></h3>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-91156393674618054352012-12-17T19:11:00.001-08:002012-12-17T19:13:21.368-08:00The Beginning of Liv<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Y5YIR_RTUY8/UM_Vq0a0ENI/AAAAAAAAAIc/oGQ_BJ6Zh_U/s1600/2003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Y5YIR_RTUY8/UM_Vq0a0ENI/AAAAAAAAAIc/oGQ_BJ6Zh_U/s1600/2003.jpg" /></a><span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">My daughter, Olivia, is nearly 12, and I have never written her birth story. I have written countless birth stories for other families. But I've not written my own.</span></span><br />
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<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span style="font-size: large;">My son's birth story</span> I'll save for another day. His story I remember in great detail, and have told and re-told to him with pleasure.</span> Putting Liv's story down, quite honestly <span style="font-size: large;">feels really scary</span> to remember, and to share. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<h3>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Perhaps, it's because I was a very different person then.</span></span></h3>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<h3>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Perhaps, it's because what I remember was not at all what I believe birth to be about. Perhaps, it's because what I remember most</span></span></h3>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<h3>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">is a mish-mash of doctors, nurses, drugs, IV bags, clocks and <b>fear.</b></span></span></h3>
</div>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I was 19 when I got pregnant. I knew nothing really about pregnancy, and even less about giving birth. Some of my friends had had babies, but now that it was going to be my turn, <b>I felt terrified</b> at the thought of birthing. I was convinced it would be unbearably painful; a belief that was <span style="font-size: large;"><b>confirmed</b></span> by many a horror-birth story.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">My pregnancy was far bumpier than I had imagined. I had 9 months of morning sickness. I took small doses of gravol the whole 9 months;<b> <span style="color: #0c343d;"><i>except of course for the 2 weeks I took a stronger prescription drug!</i></span></b> A drug I knew nothing about; all I knew, was that I liked my doctor, and hated feeling so sick.</span></span><br />
<h4>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I didn't think much more of it than this.</span></span></span></h4>
<h3>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">This is who I was,</span></span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">and where I was,</span></span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">in my mama-growing.</span></span></h3>
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>It's Ironic</b></span> to think I felt SO guilty over<b> <i><u>not</u> taking pre-natal vitamins</i>;</b> but felt alright about taking these drugs. Almost all I could keep down was <b><i>gatorade, simple sugars, poutine, and ice cream! Oh, and the meds of course... </i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I had the routine ultra sound, and it showed<b> something to be concerned about.</b> It was something called <b>a Chorioangioma.</b> I was told it was a growth on the placenta. A growth made up of blood vessels. A growth that would keep on growing. A growth that could steal blood from my baby; it meant that the baby and I could possibly bleed out at birth.</span></span><br />
<b><span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">But of course I was also told not to worry.</span></span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I saw an OB for some follow up visits; and was sent to <b>many more ultra sounds to track the tumors growth.</b> I was so scared of a poor outcome; I felt like all I could do was <b>pray. </b><span style="color: #4c1130;"> </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">Pray for a healthy, strong baby.</span></span></span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Pray for healing.</span></span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">And pray that we would both come out the other side alright.</span></span></h3>
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Secretly, we knew that we were having a girl. I started to call her <b>LIV, meaning "Life"</b> in Scandinavian. In some way, I thought it would keep me focused on giving her <b>Life.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Around the same time, I started having intense pains after I ate. Yet another ultra sound showed that I had <b>developed Gallstones.</b> I was told that often this problem would settle down after the baby was born, but <b>there was a chance I would need surgery after her birth.</b> *sigh* I started needing to take <i><b>painkillers for the attacks</b>;</i> and was told to avoid all fats. <b>This didn't leave much nutrition-wise, and far more drug-wise than I would have liked; but I knew no other way.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Sometime before 37 weeks, I started having <b>preterm labor</b> and so spent my fair-share of time on bed-rest. At around 38 weeks, there were no signs of labor, and<b> <i>I was now dropping weight.</i></b> This feels like a big deal when all you've gained is 19 pounds, and you started at only 123 pounds.<b> Our doctor suggested inducing labor </b>and we agreed to it. We had planned on having a <span style="font-size: large;">natural</span> labor and birth; but at this stage I felt so afraid, and sick, and exhausted.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Somehow, <b>I imagined that the induction would be the only intervention;</b> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">somehow I thought having her now would mean we would be okay.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Our doctor advised us that interventions are usually like a set of dominoes, one leading to the next.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I thought, or at least</span> hoped, <span style="font-size: small;">we would be the</span> exception.</span></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It's really hard to type this, exactly as it truly was because now I can imagine it happening so many different ways. I can imagine making different decisions at every turn. I can imagine re-writing the story as it could have been. But that wouldn't be the real story. That's not how it happened.</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">We went into the hospital on a Thursday morning,</span></span></h3>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">and I had the gel to induce labor. I was monitored for a bit and then sent home. When I say "home" what I mean is a friends house. We were staying with friends cause our home was an hour away. Now here's where it gets blurry. I'm pretty sure I got gelled a second time, and sent "home" for a few more hours.... when we returned to the hospital, not much was happening. I had been having contractions; <b>to me they felt painful.</b> Strong isn't the word, just <b>sharp, and spuratic.</b> I was hooked up to an <b>IV for fluids, antibiotics and a pitocin drip.</b> </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I was able to <i>walk around, bathe and shower.</i> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I think I was managing the pain alright.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I was <i>breathing, and listening to music</i> I had brought with me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I remember the nurses being refreshed that someone was actually using the cd player!</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">As I remember it,<b> I had some visitors.</b> My parents, Auntie and some other family. My mom stayed and my friend/doula stayed. The combination of pain, exhaustion and what felt like so much time passing <b>made the nurses drug offerings more welcome.</b><i> <b>"Inductions are harder,"</b></i> I was told, <span style="font-size: large;"><i>"no need to be a <b>hero.</b>"</i></span> Sometime Friday morning, my waters were ruptured by the doctor. I was at 3 cm, after 24 hours. It's probably a good thing I didn't realize that this rupture meant the clock was started; <b>I would have 24 hours to deliver this baby</b> according to hospital policy. I continued right on laboring, as I had been, only now I was SO tired, and not allowed to use the bath tub. Something about "bacteria", I was told. My husband was so wiped, that I remember the nurses bringing HIM heated blankets and telling HIM to rest. **Still makes me smile.**</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I <b>had</b> felt really <b>against</b> having an epidural.</span> Even then, I realized that epidurals increased my chances of needing a cesarean; and <b>I didn't fully "buy" that it didn't affect the baby. </b>Sometime around 5am on Saturday morning, our doctor was in to see us again. She was very motherly and kind in the way she spoke to me. She told me that <b>I needed to accept an epidural</b> so that I could get some rest. She feared that when Baby was ready to be born, I would be too tired to birth her. <b>I heard nurses muttering</b> something about <span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Baby's heart rate" and "cesarean" something, and "24 hour mark."</i></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I remember having to let the drugs wear off while waiting for my epidural.</span></span></h4>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I remember feeling contractions with only gas to help. I remember that, and my friends eyes and voice, </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><i>"Look at me. Look right here. You are doing so well, and you are so strong. You are so strong."</i></span> </span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I was glued to her eyes, and her breathing;</span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">and it felt like an <b>echo</b> <span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"You are so strong"</b>.</span> </span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It echoed and I sent the wish inside to Liv</span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I was telling her "You are SO strong." </span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I remember <span style="font-size: large;">begging</span> to know how long until she would be born; I was convinced everyone knew except me and that they were all keeping it a giant secret! It's funny the things you can believe in labor-land!</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The pain I felt at 4 cm was worse than anything I felt with the completely natural birth of my son 5 years later. This pain was coupled with <span style="font-size: large;"><i>fear and exhaustion.</i></span> So much fear. Fear that our Baby might not be okay. I think I must have prayed for most of my labor.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Finally, epidural in place, <b>I slept.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Saturday morning, </span>around 10 am, I was fully dilated. The nurses and doctors had been turning down the epidural;<i> I was told that I could start pushing anytime I felt the urge.</i> <b>I felt no urge. I felt...</b> <b>Nothing.</b> <i>Only numbness and anxiety.<b> </b></i>Again, <b>I heard someone mumbling</b> something about a <span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;"><i>"c-section" and "too long", and "within the hour."</i></span> It was as if I had been slapped awake. <span style="color: #990000; font-size: large;">"C-section...." echoing.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">And so with the <span style="font-size: large;">All-powerful, All-knowing Clock </span>staring me down, I announced <span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: large;">"I feel like pushing".</span> <b>I was lying, of course.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>I watched the machine </b>to tell me when I was having a contraction and I pushed. And everyone in the room counted to 10. And it repeated this way until our Baby was born, at 11 am. At the time I felt blessed to be spared from the pain of crowning; <span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>the pain that I was sure would be unbearable.</i></b></span> I was also so grateful to have at least been able to feel the contours of her face as she was born.<span style="font-size: large;"> ***<b>I didn't have the energy or the sense to wonder if I had missed out on anything.***</b></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I got to hold her for only a couple of seconds.</span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">She was early, and <i>not really ready for this world yet.</i> </span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">She was quite full of mucus, and was hard to suction; her jaw clenched shut. <b>She needed oxygen and help to get breathing.</b> The pediatrician and nurses fussed over her. While I feared for her still. She had that gunk they put in babies' eyes, put in her eyes; and a shot of vitamin K shot into her leg.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I was directed to "cough" out the placenta. When the staff looked over my placenta, it looked fine. It looked like a <span style="font-size: large;">healthy placenta</span>, and the place where the tumor had been was <span style="font-size: large;"><b>healed</b></span>, a calcified lump. <b>No signs or trace of extra blood vessels.</b> This was a phenomena they hadn't seen before. I stared at it for a moment, reflecting that this is what all the fuss had been about.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i>I thanked Jehovah for <b>healing us</b>,</i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i>and allowing Olivia to come safely into this world.</i> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">We had many, many more lessons to learn,</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">and <i>Olivia has grown me</i> into a Mama I'm proud to be.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I will be <b>forever grateful </b>to Jehovah for her;</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">and grateful to Olivia for teaching me the meaning of <span style="font-size: large;">Love, Courage and what it is to be <span style="font-size: large;">truly Strong</span></span>...</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">(among other things...)</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-45103248310436033672012-11-06T21:29:00.003-08:002012-11-06T21:30:25.782-08:00Simply Learning<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EmbHhgNw9-E/UJnj1ws2ReI/AAAAAAAAAHw/A7eBIB3w1EM/s1600/IMG_0414.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EmbHhgNw9-E/UJnj1ws2ReI/AAAAAAAAAHw/A7eBIB3w1EM/s320/IMG_0414.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;">I HAD written a very long, wordy post... I erased it in favor of LESS. We are Simplifying our life style; and finding that LESS is, indeed more. <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">Less stuff. Less mess. Less crazy running around due to a less crazy schedule.</span></span> And finally Less words...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VH0l-kegRhs/UJnareVIEEI/AAAAAAAAAGw/e2HYj4d5_Fg/s1600/IMG_0389.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VH0l-kegRhs/UJnareVIEEI/AAAAAAAAAGw/e2HYj4d5_Fg/s640/IMG_0389.JPG" width="640" /></a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">Above is my son's room, mid-simplifying-sort; as I ditched <i> Anything: broken, age inappropriate, or limiting to the imagination.</i> Check out how many books are on that book shelf!</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #0c343d;"><b>Boxes and boxes</b> went to the second hand store, 2 big garbage bags went to the trash. Two more boxes of things I thought he might notice were missing, went into storage.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S1JE75_XQng/UJnb1HVfLyI/AAAAAAAAAG4/BblMKjjMxoI/s1600/IMG_0418.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S1JE75_XQng/UJnb1HVfLyI/AAAAAAAAAG4/BblMKjjMxoI/s400/IMG_0418.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-size: large;">What you see above, is a tub of dress-ups, and a basket of marbles and marble run supplies. Baskets covered with a cloth.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ipHFSy6PF5s/UJncu9MJzpI/AAAAAAAAAHA/8rO_9fOT7WQ/s1600/IMG_0393.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ipHFSy6PF5s/UJncu9MJzpI/AAAAAAAAAHA/8rO_9fOT7WQ/s320/IMG_0393.JPG" width="320" /></a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><b>His shelf holds</b> a basket of musical instruments, a basket of cars, and <i>a
handful </i>of his favorite books. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">The closet holds a tub of lego and
pirate ship set. </span></span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;"> ***Neat, AND <i>easy</i> to keep it that way.***</span></span></b><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eqZuENhrGjA/UJnc3wV2fJI/AAAAAAAAAHI/PmUKnxh8fHU/s1600/IMG_0420.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eqZuENhrGjA/UJnc3wV2fJI/AAAAAAAAAHI/PmUKnxh8fHU/s320/IMG_0420.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="color: #bf9000;">This whole Simplifying thing is <b>Waldorf inspired.</b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-size: large;">I am <b><i>amazed and grateful</i></b></span> for coming across these resources at <span style="font-size: large;">exactly the right time for us.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Po_ObXPOgjI/UJnfYzMfggI/AAAAAAAAAHY/niWhPVnY-TY/s1600/IMG_0422.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Po_ObXPOgjI/UJnfYzMfggI/AAAAAAAAAHY/niWhPVnY-TY/s400/IMG_0422.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #b45f06;">My Daughter got a Simplified version of her room that allowed her to focus on what she loves. <b>Surrounded by</b><i> dance costumes, her photography, her violin and books...</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #e69138;"><span style="font-size: large;">.........And her new Fish.</span></span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HdaD7GdB6YY/UJnfncxY5lI/AAAAAAAAAHg/cKx6X6zju8o/s1600/IMG_0424.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HdaD7GdB6YY/UJnfncxY5lI/AAAAAAAAAHg/cKx6X6zju8o/s400/IMG_0424.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">For years we have been riding the <span style="font-size: large;">swinging pendulum</span> of Radical Un-schooling; and the pendulum was always, ALWAYS swinging.<b> I was beginning to feel kinda dizzy! </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #660000;">It was beginning to feel like Someone's needs were always being left unmet; and often my husband and I felt absolutely exhausted.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #cc0000;"><strike>Perhaps </strike>Probably, as a reflection of our dizziness and exhaustion, our Littles were so dis-content.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;">There's no other word for it. I took this as a sign we needed a change.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000;"> ~</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">One of the greatest discoveries about LESS is that it has opened up MORE space for LEARNING! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GYfsFBjwtIA/UJne-8HVbGI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/pBS9ETGHjDY/s1600/IMG_0407.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GYfsFBjwtIA/UJne-8HVbGI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/pBS9ETGHjDY/s640/IMG_0407.JPG" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: large;">Letting go</span> of the "box" of the Unschooling label, has opened me up to using some Waldorf curriculum; which by the way, is SO BEAUTIFUL!<b> </b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><b> It is so honoring of Childhood,</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #4c1130;"> Curiosity,</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #4c1130;"> Nature and Imagination!</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">It is<span style="font-size: large;"> <b>astonishing</b> </span>to me to witness my children SO <i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>engaged</b></span> </i>in their learning! Every game, every story, every movement, every art project! (*Still very child-led*)</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #741b47;">Above he is learning about pulley systems...</span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bNLoGSVW8GI/UJnkB2iodlI/AAAAAAAAAH4/A-vg-n-3ONo/s1600/IMG_0415.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bNLoGSVW8GI/UJnkB2iodlI/AAAAAAAAAH4/A-vg-n-3ONo/s320/IMG_0415.JPG" width="320" /></a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;">I remember last year, when my son's<b> sole </b><span style="font-size: large;">passion was video games</span>, and <i>his mood was miserable.</i> The kind of miserable that comes from <b>not feeling satisfied, valuable,
or successful.<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b><span style="font-size: large;">He would lament that he had no gifts</span>, and that he wasn't
good at anything. <i>It broke my heart</i>, as I scrambled around, in vain, trying to
find various "things" for him to try. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #073763;">*This year he is THRIVING!* Actually, we all are :)*</span></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Pst6oa9WjWo/UJnkFe_JNzI/AAAAAAAAAIA/r3Y-28K_oSA/s1600/IMG_0416.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Pst6oa9WjWo/UJnkFe_JNzI/AAAAAAAAAIA/r3Y-28K_oSA/s400/IMG_0416.JPG" width="400" /></a> <span style="color: #38761d;">The things<b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">I felt so resistant to;</span> </b><i>routine, curriculum, sharing the daily responsibilities, limiting screen usage</i>; were ALL things that have <b>benefited </b>our family <b>more than I could have <span style="font-size: large;">imagined!</span></b></span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">Simplifying has felt like a Fresh Start.</span></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;">So it would seem Simplifying has <span style="font-size: large;">OPENED the <span style="font-size: large;"><b>space</b></span> </span>for me to learn some great lessons too!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">*Google Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne if your curious to know more.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-76028029043767092902012-10-13T20:31:00.003-07:002012-10-15T22:27:25.322-07:00Slow Roasted Teenagers ~ Yummy ~<br />
<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">** Okay, here's my preface: if you think you're going to feel judged or offended, stop reading now. If you're going to have an open mind, please carry on :)***</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have terrible news: Our children are being slow roasted.</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">There's an old adage about cooking frogs. If the frogs are dumped into boiling water, they will jump out. However, if they are put in the pot with the cool water and slowly brought up to a boil, the frog won't notice. It doesn't struggle, or jump out. It's cooked.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13;">This is what is happening to our children. And the scary part is, we are allowing it. Defending it. Even supporting it.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">We recently had a teen suicide due to "cyber-bullying". As I watched her youtube video, I couldn't help but think this young girl <strike>is</strike> was no different from so many young girls. She made the kinds of "mistakes" that are common to the teen years. Flashing, fooling around with boys; some poor choices perhaps... But nothing uncommon to growing up.... and LEARNING about life. She was also <span style="font-size: large;">victimized</span> and taken advantage of by boys. Again, sadly, <i>not uncommon at all.</i> What's new, is that thanks to the internet, thanks to social media, and thanks to cameras on every cell phone, and a cell phone with every teen, her "mistakes" were immortalized online, for all to see. For all to mock, and ostracize. <b>Her "mistakes" were on display to follow her from school to school.</b> And somehow, the children in every school <i>felt entitled, maybe even justified</i> to bully her. <b>As a whole they felt okay about participating in tearing her down....</b> to the point of finally beating her with a crowd of support. Eventually, leading to her suicide. <span style="color: #274e13;">And sadly, her experience, is <i>not uncommon at all.</i></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It's shameful. <b>I feel <span style="font-size: large;">heartbroken</span></b> for her family. And <b>I feel haunted by questions...</b> <span style="color: #cc0000;"><i>Where are the parents? Any of the parents? Are people to busy to monitor the online safety and activities of their children? Why were they not acting like people who had learned morals? Empathy? Kindness?</i></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I'm sure a lot of things factor into this... but basically, I believe <b><span style="color: #274e13;">they've been cooked.</span></b> And that's not justification. It doesn't make it okay. It makes me wonder, what is wrong with families? Why are we allowing this?!</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Talking this story over with people, something interesting happened. Stories of bullying came forward from each person. Bullying from both teachers, and fellow students. Bullying stories that took place 40 some years ago, right up until now. Let's start with the stories of teachers bullying. <span style="color: #cc0000;">(Please Understand, this is not meant as an offense to <i>all</i> teachers, surely there are many, many wonderful, positive teachers who keep children save and have a beneficial effect on their students.)</span> The stories I heard were all from elementary school;<b> they included teachers pushing children down stairs; strangling a child against a wall <i>in front of a class</i>; shoving a child to the ground <i>in front of a class</i>; not allowing a child to use the washroom, and having him wet himself <i>in front of the class</i>; and locking a child alone in a classroom for 2 hour detention after school closed up.</b> These stories are multi-generational, and from varying towns and cities. The children in these stories experienced Fear, Hurt, Embarrassment, Shame, Humiliation, and HUGE Injustice and Violation of trust <b>at the hands of people entrusted to care for them. </b>In all of these stories, no significant consequences came to the teachers; and yet the one's telling the stories, tell them like they were yesterday; <i>flushed faces, and shaking voices.</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Do you think these kinds of experiences might have an influence on our children's development of <b>empathy?</b> or <b>Kindness?</b> I do. I think <i>it teaches them it's okay to treat people badly.</i> And what's more?.... the parents were told about these situations. The parents rightly complained, and nothing came of it. <b>So what do our kids learn?? What are WE teaching them?</b> We're the teaching them that if you are big, or in power, this kind of <span style="color: #38761d;">behavior is okay.</span> If you're at school, <span style="color: #38761d;">this behavior is okay.</span><b> If you get caught, even as an adult, you won't be held accountable in any major way.</b> If you are a child, you are <span style="color: #990000;">power-less. </span>And if you are a parent, you are also <span style="color: #660000;">power-less</span> to help. <span style="color: #274e13;">The School has the power, the System has the power.</span> And right from elementary school on, the lesson is <span style="color: #660000;">bullying is okay.</span> Of course we would never say that, however it's true.... although, terribly inconvenient.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">In fact, in some schools it is true right from day 1 of Kindergarten. One mom recently told me of her schools new policy that on the first day of school, parents were not allowed to enter the school. Period. She said children were crying, parents were crying; and they were told, <span style="color: #990000;">"No. No parents in the school. We'll take care of them. This will encourage their independence."</span> And <b>parents accepted that.</b> Oh, I'm sure some protested, or maybe felt inwardly worried; but this mom reported that overall, parents just allowed the school to have that much say! <i>Again, what is the message?! What is the lesson?!</i></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The message is <span style="color: #990000;">"We, the school, are big and powerful, and even your parents can't help you or even access you here."</span> Intimidating at the very least. And what does this teach (a 5 year old) about empathy? About the importance of feelings, and caring for another's experience? Or the connection of parents to their little ones? The importance of family?.... all secondary to the prerogative of the school.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Yes, into the cooking pot they go.</span></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">For 12-13 years, we as parents support our children participating in this system. <span style="color: #274e13;"><b>Slowly roasting.</b></span> And let's face it. We're busy. We trust that the learning happening in Our school is good, at least mostly good. The problems of drugs, alcohol, sex, bullying, and so on <span style="color: #274e13;">"don't happen at our school"</span>; <span style="color: #274e13;">"it's a private school"</span>; or <span style="color: #274e13;">"we live in a good area of town"</span>; or <span style="color: #274e13;">"we're in such a small town"</span>.... <span style="color: #274e13;">"We're trying to earn a living; to make ends meet. We try to have regular family dinners, and enjoy some weekend events together... taxi-ing to and from friends houses, the mall, soccer practice and so on...."</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">And then, one day they are in high school and these kinds of things happen. It is all too common. And then people around us <b>wonder</b>, and maybe <b>We wonder </b>how these things could possibly happen.... <b>people like myself wonder</b> why these teens have no empathy.... why they are vicious.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-size: large;"><b>They've been cooked.</b></span> <span style="color: #274e13;"><b>Slow roasted</b></span> by the school system. By the climate of this world. By Video games about war, steal</span></span><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">ing cars, hookers, or .... By social media.... By popular male and female performers also teaching anything but positive morals, or good qualities; and often promoting unhealthy views on sex and attitudes that de-value women.... Wow. I'm sounding awfully judgmental; awfully down on a lot of things. What is my point anyways?!</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">My point is: </span></span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I hope that when my children come into contact with the boiling water, they will hop out!!</span></span></b><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">For our family, this hope is a lot of work. It's meant following a path of natural learning, at home. It's meant making financial choices that support time together over many other things. It's meant being really specific about entertainment. And mostly, it's meant keeping our purpose of a trusting, close relationship foremost; one that models empathy and kindness. A relationship that is protective of their innocence, childhood, and feelings. <br />It means, (forgive my rudeness) raising them. It means doing our best and hoping. Reading stories like this, reflecting, and hoping.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I hope that as these tragedies happen, some people will go further than saying <span style="color: #274e13;"><b>"What a shame... so sad."</b></span> I hope that at least some people will start thinking deeper than that. And figuring out how these events are connected to their own families, because they are. <b> </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>~We are all connected.~</b></span></span></div>
aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-54697539939816942412012-09-26T11:29:00.000-07:002012-09-26T11:29:31.580-07:00Old Dan Tucker... and Other Insanities<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">WHAT is going on?!</span> </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I have been hearing.... literally, <span style="font-size: large;">Old Dan Tucker </span>being sung for days..... Sung by my children.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I hear it being serenaded while I'm in the shower;</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">belted out from the back seat while I'm driving;</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">chanted while we're walking;</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">and finally dialed down to a hum when I've begged for a break from the Insanity!!</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And of course next thing I know it's stuck in MY head too... and then I'm humming it. Where is this coming from?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">Old Dan Tucker</span> is just one example of <span style="color: red;">The Insanity.</span> This year something has shifted. Did I say Shifted? What I meant to say was my world has been Flipped, turned-upside-down. (yes, much like the Will Smith song. lol)</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This year while planning our learning year, (as much as one can plan that), I started feeling curious about the <b>Waldorf philosophy;</b> which led me, quite surprisingly to browsing through curriculum. Let me say that again: <b>CURRICULUM.</b> For me this is darn-near Shocking. For anyone who knows me knows, I have felt pretty passionately <span style="color: #660000;">against</span> curriculum; and certainly <span style="color: #660000;">against </span>anything that looks like school-at-home. These feelings were re-enforced when Liv and I were struggling our way through Kindergarten curriculum, and later <span style="color: #274e13;"><i>struggling through many other bouts of "teaching" and "learning" how to read. </i></span>Little did I know, the source of our struggle was undiagnosed Dyslexia and Dysgraphia. All I knew, and still know, is <b>this kind of learning was not worth it, or fun, or successful for us.</b> <span style="color: #20124d;"><i>And yet here I was looking through curriculum.</i></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #274e13;">So why on Earth am I feeling good about this?! ....It still sounds crazy.</span></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">My outlook, as I was browsing the "curriculum", is that it could be <b>just one more </b>resource, among many resources, that we may or may not use; depending on where we're at with our learning.... okaaaaay.... To my surprise, I found that the <span style="color: #4c1130;"><i>Waldorf ideas of protecting the rites of childhood </i></span>deeply resonated with me; and the bits of curriculum I was seeing looked <b>so multi-sensory. </b>I was having a very strong feeling that this could be a beautiful fit for us.</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The other thing that shifted my outlook is that my daughter, wait for it...... ASKED FOR CURRICULUM!! Workbooks to be specific. </span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">**still shaking my head in disbelief**</span></span><b><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Here I had <i>brainstormed with her </i>all the interests and goals she had for herself for the year.... I'm typing up a plan. <span style="color: #20124d;">One that deliberately looks nothing like formal learning, one that is full of games and activities....</span> and she says, <span style="color: #660000;">"mom, did you put some curriculum in that? I mean, you know, some workbooks and stuff? Cause I'm thinking I'm getting older and stuff, and I think I should start getting better at math and my spelling and things."</span><b> </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>HUH?! WHAT NOW?</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So then again, maybe I was browsing curriculum because somewhere inside me, my <span style="color: #274e13;"><i>intuition</i></span> knew that this is where we were heading; that this is what was next for us. I don't know how many articles, stories and blogs I've read with the same happenings: <b>lots of free, active, spirited life learning and then with age and interest, reading, and math and eventually more formal learning.</b> <span style="color: #4c1130;"><b>I just never thought it would happen to us. I really didn't.</b></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I've picked out but, ahem, not yet ordered curriculum. I'm still looking at it as a resource, just another option to use or not. And as usual, <span style="color: #4c1130;">I'm following the lead of my little learners....</span> <span style="color: #20124d;">and they are leading me to playing "school". </span>I'm not even kidding a little. All of my deep-set opposition to "school-at-home" style learning is <b>having to bow to my children</b> telling me that, <span style="color: #660000;">"NO MOM, This is supposed to be how it looks.... We sit here, and you are there, and you teach us, and we have to put up our hands... and.... and.... and." </span>.....AND truth be told, they are having a ton of fun with it, and we are learning spelling. And while I do have some inner conflict about this style of learning, it's pretty impossible to argue with them about this one. Or argue with myself, <span style="color: #4c1130;">as long as this "school" game remains THEIR idea!</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>See what I mean?</i> <b>Insanity. World. up. side. down.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Know what else?</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">For the first time in 6 years my daughter is <b><i>not</i></b> taking dance. We are still a part of a <span style="color: orange;">belly dance group,</span> but she isn't taking dance. Given the option to explore some new interests, Liv chose to take a break from it. <b>She's found herself a fantastic horse riding mentor, and is in love with horses!</b> Which is helping tremendously with her learning challenges and confidence. I'm still in shock. <b>No dance. HUH.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">While browsing through the previously mentioned forbidden fruit, I stumbled upon a new book; <span style="color: #274e13;"><b>Simplicity Parenting</b></span>. Again, something inside me said, <span style="color: #4c1130;">"you have to order that book."</span> The blurb about it mentioned the theme is "Too much". As I looked around, <b>I literally saw Too Much.</b> <span style="color: #4c1130;">Too much mess, from too much stuff, in every room of our probably Too Much house.</span> I wondered if this is what the book was about.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">We had been recovering all summer from the previous year of Too Much screens; we've been trying to create new limits and routines surrounding that. I wondered if that was the Too Much being referred to in the book. Either way <b>Simple sounded pretty inviting.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I received my new book this week, and have been hooked. And it is what I thought. Our Too Much environment. Full of Too much stuff. Full of Too Much screens. Toys. Clothes. Adult conversation.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Which leads me to my next insanity. <b>Simplifying my house.</b> <u>AKA-</u> pulling up the utility trailer and making repeated trips to the dump and second hand store. All of these changes have me feeling a <span style="color: #4c1130;"><i>little overwhelmed, lost, excited, confused, surprised.... very.... just Very. </i></span>Is that a feeling? Again. World. Up. Side. Down.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And so,<span style="color: #274e13;"><i> fueled by my new book; accompanied by my family singing Old Dan Tucker; and inspired by our recently discovered major addiction to watching Little House, and Longing for a simpler life....</i> </span><b>I am taking on the Too Much mess.</b> I might even blog about our progress, and take pictures for accountability! LOL</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Alright. Enough with writing. <span style="color: #274e13;"><b>Time. To. Simplify.</b></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-16362215746570380342012-09-02T18:39:00.002-07:002012-09-02T18:40:05.972-07:00Mom, why am i here?<div style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SnyeeH68shI/UEQKNQ1i9MI/AAAAAAAAAFk/rQWUyAosu-k/s1600/oakleymuppet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SnyeeH68shI/UEQKNQ1i9MI/AAAAAAAAAFk/rQWUyAosu-k/s320/oakleymuppet.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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My son is always <i>amazing me</i> with his questions, his <i>evidence</i> of <span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">deep</span> </span>and <span style="color: #4c1130;">serious thinking.</span> He may not know how to read or how to work out math on paper yet, but he is working out some very BIG questions. I peeked in his room this morning, just as he was waking up....</div>
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~</div>
<div style="color: #660000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;">
"Mom, why am i here?"</div>
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"What.... do you mean?"</div>
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"I mean, why am I here? What is my purpose? What am I doing HERE?"</div>
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~</div>
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I wanted time to think about how to answer such a broad question; <span style="color: #274e13;">in classic "mom-manipulation" I invited him to join me for breakfast downstairs</span>, so we could talk about it some more.</div>
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<b>This was countered with an invitation to snuggle in bed.</b></div>
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~</div>
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"This is a perfectly good place."</div>
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~</div>
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I snuggled in, and asked him what he thought his purpose might be?<span style="color: #274e13;"> </span></div>
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<span style="color: #274e13;"> ~</span></div>
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<span style="color: #274e13;">"Why do you think you're here?"</span></div>
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<span style="color: #274e13;"> ~</span></div>
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His answer was that he was here <span style="color: #660000;">because I wanted him, and because I prayed for him.</span> And he is right, that's true. <i><span style="color: #4c1130;">He was looking for something <b>more</b> meaningful to him.</span></i></div>
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~</div>
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"The answer,"</div>
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I told him,</div>
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"is different for every person. Every person is unique, and has their own gifts; and their purpose is their own, what do you think yours might be?...."</div>
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~</div>
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*silence*</div>
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<span style="color: #660000;">"....i don't know...."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #274e13;">~ </span></div>
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<span style="color: #274e13;">"I know my purpose."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #274e13;">....</span> I could see I had his attention....</div>
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"In this life, my purpose is to take care of you and our family;</div>
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my purpose is to cook, and care for the house,</div>
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to play with you and help you learn important things;</div>
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my purpose is to go to work, to earn money to help pay for the things our family needs.</div>
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I also get to make pottery, because I love doing that, and I'm good at it.</div>
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It's one of the gifts I've been given.</div>
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My purpose is to keep learning, to learn from you and anyone else who has something to share with me.</div>
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And also, to keep learning about our God Jehovah, and to help you to learn about Him as well."</div>
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~</div>
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<span style="color: #660000;">"That sounds like a lot of work. Actually, that sounds like mostly work."</span> </div>
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He sounded disappointed, and defeated, or perhaps this was just honest observation.</div>
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~</div>
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"It is work.Your right.</div>
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But I love you, and I love our family, so taking care of us doesn't always feel like work. Sometimes I really enjoy it.</div>
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It feels good to see you growing happy and healthy.</div>
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And working at the store can be fun too. I'm tired when I get home, but it's fun being there.</div>
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I feel good knowing that my going there helps to buy you the things you need.</div>
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And making pottery is work too, but it doesn't feel like work;</div>
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because it's my gift, it's what I'm good at.</div>
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Some people are good at building, so that's what they do.</div>
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Jehovah made me good at making bowls, and mugs, and art so that's what I do.</div>
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And learning, well, that's just part of being alive.</div>
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You see, I love the things I work at, so it doesn't feel like work."</div>
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~</div>
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<span style="color: #660000;">"So what am I good at? What's my gift? My job? WHAT IS MY DESTINY!?"</span></div>
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<span style="color: #660000;"></span> He was sounding pretty intense here! :D (So dramatic! I suspect there may be some influence from anime here! ;)</div>
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~</div>
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I worried about over simplifying.... none the less, I answered.</div>
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"Your job is to just be a kid! Your already great at that.</div>
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Your job is to play, and have fun, and to learn about the world.</div>
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To learn about Jehovah.</div>
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And to try things out, until you discover what you really love, and what you're good at.</div>
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You will find your gifts, and all you have to do to find them, is to keep being you."</div>
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~</div>
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<b><i>~ Sometimes I really LOVE this Mama-gig ~ </i></b></div>
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aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-7120082045282451062012-08-19T10:32:00.001-07:002012-08-22T17:24:29.310-07:00Confessions of an Unschooling Mama<div style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Before I start my confessions, let's put this in context. We consider ourselves <b>Unschoolers... or <span style="color: #38761d;">Natural Learners.</span> </b>(My hubby prefers that term.) We have been </span><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: small;">Natural Learners</span><span style="font-size: small;"> for our children's whole lives; even though for a while we didn't know it had a name.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">For a quick idea of what unschooling is check out Wiki:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unschooling</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3HWFNSkDQGc/UDVrp5A_g5I/AAAAAAAAAEc/WMKytf6MHlU/s1600/IMG_7423.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3HWFNSkDQGc/UDVrp5A_g5I/AAAAAAAAAEc/WMKytf6MHlU/s400/IMG_7423.JPG" width="266" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Basically though, Natural Learning trusts that <b>all people learn</b>; that it is our <span style="color: #38761d;">nature to learn our whole lives.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #38761d;"></span><u>Unschooling</u> </span><span style="font-size: large;">lets go of </span><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">"teaching", curriculum and outcomes.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It trusts that Life is the best teacher.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Unschooling believes that a child (or person) <b>will learn everything they need to learn in life, in the best time and way for themselves,</b> as individuals.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u>"Radical Unschoolers"</u> take it a step further;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">aiming to live a <b><span style="color: #4c1130;">mutually respectful life</span></b> with their family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Sometimes this concept is </span><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: small;">confusing </span><span style="font-size: small;">when it comes to </span><span style="color: red; font-size: small;">"how to"</span><span style="font-size: small;">. <span style="font-size: large;"><i>It can sound or look like "no limits" or "no guidance"</i></span>, which is not really the true idea either. At the same time though, Radical Unschooling generally <b>doesn't value limits on activities related to daily living</b>; like </span><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;">bedtime, or screentime, or diet. </span><span style="font-size: small;">Living mutually respectful lives is definitely something I </span><span style="font-size: small;">value, and in many ways aim for. It also very </span><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: small;">challenging</span><span style="font-size: small;"> at times, as you might <span style="font-size: large;">imagine.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #cc0000;">Now for my confessions.</i></span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z0WSWw7t8EA/UDVvCEuRdgI/AAAAAAAAAE4/hjw1hJuumh0/s1600/50%2527s+housewife.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="394" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z0WSWw7t8EA/UDVvCEuRdgI/AAAAAAAAAE4/hjw1hJuumh0/s400/50%2527s+housewife.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes</span> I really, really want a <b>clean, and organized house</b>. <span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes</span> I think this is the <b>impossible dream</b> of the home learning parent! I mean, I want </span><span style="color: #990000; font-size: small;">the whole thing clean,</span><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><i>all at the same time.</i> <span style="font-size: large;"><b>I may</b></span> have even began uttering the word <span style="font-size: large;"><b>"chore"</b></span>, in the direction of my children, in an involuntary way, on a semi-daily basis. <span style="font-size: large;"><b>I may</b></span> have made a list of tasks that need to be done on a daily basis. <b>Yes. Actually I did this.</b> This is a confession, so <b><span style="color: orange;">I will admit it</span>.</b>
To clarify though, these are not tasks that HAVE to be done <span style="color: #990000;">by the kids everyday, </span>rather <i style="color: #4c1130;">its a list of stuff that inevitably gets done daily.</i> It is in list-form so they could <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">stop</span></span> asking for a chore, and I could <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;">stop</span></span> having to search for something helpful they could do.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">"What's that?"</span> you say... <span style="color: #4c1130;">"they ask for a chore everyday?"</span></span></div>
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Yes, they do. And the reason for this is <b style="color: #660000;">my next confession. </b>They need to choose to do a "chore" before watching tv, or playing video games.<b> <span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-size: large;">The horror!!</span> </span></b>No seriously.<span style="color: red;"> This is terrible.</span> This is does not sound like mutually respectful living at all. Or does it? Sometimes it's hard for me to tell.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Wow, what the heck happened to all my ideals?!
I'll tell you what.</i></span></div>
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I had a son who was using screens for 6-8+ hours a day, sometimes video games, sometimes movies.<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-size: large;">How's that for a confession?</span> Recognize the picture to the right? Mike TV, from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.... was looking a little too familiar....</span><br />
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To put this into perspective, a lot of Radical Unschooling parents may not have considered this amount of screen time a problem. Most Radical Unschooling parents <span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #38761d;">would consider the content and learning value of the screen activities.</i></span> And to be honest, I did give a fair bit of consideration to that; a lot of learning happens using screens. But I also gave <span style="font-size: large;">careful thought</span> to the <span style="color: #cc0000;">tummy aches, trouble sleeping, vocal ticks, and generally miserable spirit </span>after a full-on, intense, screen-filled day. Combine that with a prevailing spirit of un-co-operation from both our little learners when it came to helping out. To satisfy our value of <span style="font-size: large;">mutually respectful living </span>our family had many a conversation about our concerns. Finally though, <b>we felt we had to do the "parent" thing.</b><span style="color: #274e13;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #274e13;">UGH.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #274e13;"></span></span><span style="font-size: large;">Together, us with our young ones, we drafted up some <b>new</b> agreements about screen time.
Our motto has been to <b><span style="color: #0c343d;">Put the Relationship First.</span></b> The level of <i style="color: orange;">imbalance</i> and the generally <span style="color: orange;">unco-operative spirit,</span> when it came to helping out was <b>not</b> contributing to healthy family relationships. It was contributing to <span style="color: #274e13;">frustration, and constant, exhausting negotiations. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">So as a family, sitting <span style="font-size: large;">very traditionally</span> around the table, we drafted up an agreement that required a "chore" (I hate calling them that, but anyway) before screen activities. <span style="color: #990000;">This felt <span style="font-size: large;">terrible</span> to me. It really did.</span> I realize it would probably be all kinds of <span style="font-size: large;">normal</span> in a lot of families. <b><span style="font-size: large;">But not in ours.</span> </b>Actually the new agreement <b><span style="color: #0c343d;">felt pretty yucky</span></b> to all of us. It was breaking old patterns,<i style="color: #4c1130;"> it was pushing us <span style="font-size: large;">beyond Our Normal.</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>There was a Unified dragging of feet; AND we stuck with it.</i></span></div>
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We also agreed on a <b>limit of 1.5 hours </b>of screen time daily; then if another "chore" was done, a <i>bonus half hour.</i>
Part of the process of drafting this agreement was <span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-size: large;">brainstorming </span>many agreements</span>.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It was remembering the<b> "house rules" </b>of our childhood families.</span></div>
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It was remembering all the <i>excessive responsibilities</i> and requirements set by attending public school.</div>
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It was remembering the <i>strained relationship</i> I still have with my folks;</div>
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it was remembering that</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Mutuality is still the goal.</b></span></div>
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A couple weeks in, an addendum happened. We realized <span style="font-size: large;"><b>content</b> </span>was a super important part of the <span style="font-size: large;">recipe.</span> Calm learning shows like Sesame Street wouldn't count as screen time. This was progress. Some days, learning shows, and <span style="color: #073763;"><span style="color: #38761d;">calm shows satisfied the needs to chill.</span> </span>Kids were still <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;">happy and co-operative</span></span> after those kinds of shows.
<b>Then </b>a neat thing happened. After a couple of weeks of painfully sticking to the new agreement, <b>a balancing occurred!</b> </div>
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It just happened.</div>
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<span style="color: #990000;">Some days we are using screens a lot; other days not so much.</span> </div>
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We <span style="font-size: large;">aren't </span>watching the clock or setting timers as much.</div>
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The kids are asking to help out, and are having <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">willing spirits.</span></span></div>
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We are still <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;">negotiating</span></span> a lot; AND I think that's a <span style="font-size: large;">great thing.</span></div>
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I think that means <span style="color: #38761d;">the relationship is <span style="font-size: large;">alive and well</span></span><span style="font-size: large;">,</span> as is the respect.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Life is flowing.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #660000;">Next confession.</span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">I have slowly, but surely, put us all on a Gluten-free diet.</span></span> Why?</div>
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Because it's <b>not normal</b> to have tummy aches every time you eat. It's <b>not normal</b> to have diarrhea everyday. We're Gluten-free because I have Celiac disease, and it's genetic, and very real. Celiac disease destroys your bowels; and damaged bowels aren't going to absorb the nutrients needed to grow healthy bodies and brains.</div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-size: large;">Why is this even a confession?</span> ***I ask with a sense of frustration</span>... I think because of the reactions of people; it ranges from support, to shock, to pity, to the belief that my suffering is <b>"all in my head." </b>I've heard <b>"I could never do that".... </b>Not true. You can do it, if you want to; <i style="color: #990000;">and especially if you need to.</i></div>
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I've heard <b>"awe, your poor kids, don't they miss cake and goodies?"</b> I've even heard <b style="color: #4c1130;">"Your going <span style="font-size: large;">to give</span> your daughter an eating disorder." !! </b>Can you even believe that?!</div>
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The <span style="font-size: large;">truth</span> is we plenty of really yummy food! We have cake, and goodies, pizza and ice cream, burgers and fries....<b> <span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #4c1130;">all the junk Nostalgia dictates is so vital to Childhood.</i></span> </b>So don't pity us, or worse yet<span style="font-size: large;"> <b>judge us.</b></span> Our diet is yummy and healthy. Our children aren't missing out on anything. I promise. AND they <span style="color: #274e13;">aren't going to get an eating disorder </span>from our family eating Gluten-free! Remembering we highly value <b>Respectful Living,</b> our diet isn't something being Forced. <span style="font-size: large;">They have the power to make choices;</span> which is why on occasion they come home with enormous tummy aches.... <span style="font-size: large;"><i>listening to our bodies is just one more lesson to learn.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000;">Last confessions.... (</span>this list is getting rather long....)</div>
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I do <span style="font-size: large;">worry</span> about <b>outcomes.</b></div>
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I <span style="font-size: large;">occasionally look</span> at <b>workbooks, and <span style="font-size: large;">curriculum.</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #274e13;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes</span> </span>I <b>compare</b> our family to other families.</div>
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I <span style="color: #990000;">EVEN</span> <span style="font-size: large;">m</span>utter <b>"grade-level"</b> in a very quiet voice</div>
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when shopping in the "teachers resource" store. </div>
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I feel an almost <i>uncontrollable urge</i> to try to <span style="font-size: large;"><b>"teach"</b></span> my children to read as soon as they turn 6,<b> rather than wait for them to be ready. </b></div>
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I also feel <i>compelled</i> to give <b>some form of instruction</b> every time they pick up the <span style="font-size: large;">guitar.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #660000;">There. I think that's all of my secrets.</span></div>
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My husband wants to add<span style="font-size: large;"> <b>Bragging</b> </span>to the list. (Isn't he cute?)</div>
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He means the bragging he does when we get a final summary of all the learning from the year.</div>
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<i>He brags to the people who care about <b>"report cards".
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aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-50623799203526852992012-08-13T14:36:00.002-07:002012-08-14T10:37:21.990-07:00Unschooling at our Farmers Market<div style="color: #660000; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>Welcome to the August 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Farmer's Markets</b><br />
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<i>This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by <a codenamemama.com="codenamemama.com" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="http:" insider-tips-farmers-market="insider-tips-farmers-market" target="_blank">http://codenamemama.com/<wbr></wbr></a></i></span></div>
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Code Name: Mama
and <a august-carnival-of-natural-parenting.html="august-carnival-of-natural-parenting.html" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="http:" target="_blank" www.hobomama.com="www.hobomama.com">http://www.hobomama.com/<wbr></wbr></a><br />
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This month our participants have written about something new they've learned about their local farmers<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
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As some of you know, <b>I'm a potter.</b> I opened up a studio last year... and as a result I have been attending more farmers markets this summer than any other year. (maybe 1-2 times a month) Of course, <i style="color: #cc0000;">going as a vendor</i> is a bit of a different experience... <b><span style="color: #4c1130;">And it's been good for our whole family!</span></b><br />
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I remember the evening before our first market, we had a <span style="color: #38761d;">startling revelation </span>that getting our whole family there was going to be no small feat. You see, we <span style="color: #134f5c;">drive an hour and a half to the market!!</span> With <span style="color: #cc0000;">3 very heavy totes</span> full of pottery, <span style="color: #b45f06;">2 display tables</span>, a <span style="color: #bf9000;">shelf,</span> and a <span style="color: #6aa84f;">large shade tent;</span> add our<span style="color: #073763;"> 2 children,</span> <span style="color: #741b47;">food for the day </span>and a <span style="color: #cc0000;">very active puppy,</span> and <b>WOW</b>, that is one <b>crazy</b> morning!! We have to leave the house by around 7am, so we have plenty of time to drive over the mountain and around the lake.</div>
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<i>So why sign up to doing that with our children?!</i></div>
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Because it's a really, really fun day together :) AND it's a day full of learning, which for us, as Natural Learners is a really <span style="font-size: large;">big</span> deal!<br />
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We have been a part of 3 different markets, but one of them is definitely our favorite. It has a really <span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">festive</span> feel! <span style="color: #741b47;">There's live <b>music, and hoopers, and stilts.</b></span> There's <span style="color: #073763;">bakers, and farmers, and jewelers, a lady who makes beautiful scarves, photographers and a lady who makes dog treats. </span><span style="color: #274e13;"><i>It is RICH with things to look at and learn about; and RICH with people to learn from.</i> </span>This market is a major tourist destination; the last time we went, we met people visiting from <span style="color: #cc0000;">Germany, Sweden, and Brazil,</span> as well as the locals and some who were visiting from interior BC. Seriously, How cool is that?!</div>
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My daughter is an artist too; she couldn't even help it if she tried... she is so full of <b><span style="color: #20124d;">Creativity and Beauty and Talent</span></b>, I can't even narrow it down and say <i>"She is a Jeweler" or "She's a Dancer" or "She's a Musician" </i>because she's not. <b>She's an ARTIST!</b> And she amazes me everyday. At markets she sells her <b>jewelry, </b>and she's started <b>belly dancing</b> at them also. She's had to learn about <i style="color: #0c343d;">budgeting, and marketing and talking with people. </i>She's gotten pretty comfortable visiting vendors, and asking them all about how they make what they do... she has discovered <span style="color: #cc0000;">bartering and trades!</span></div>
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If we have successful day sales-wise, we visit a local who sells fresh caught <b><span style="color: #4c1130;">CRAB!!</span></b> YUM! We also visit and explore one of the beaches. It makes for a <b>Beautiful day!</b></div>
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One of the other markets was only a 40 minute drive from where we live, but when we got there it was a completely different experience. <i><span style="color: #0c343d;">This was mainly a FOOD market!!</span></i> <b>Beautiful produce, and soaps, baked goods, home made sauces and cheeses, and organic meat.</b> Did I mention it was dumping down <span style="color: #073763;">RAIN?!</span> <i><span style="color: #0c343d;">SO much rain.... but the locals were all there, on foot, and on bikes, pushing stollers, and clutching their umbrellas!</span></i> Many of them brought their own <b>baskets</b> to fill. As I mentioned though, this was mainly a FOOD market, so we didn't do very well sales-wise. In fact, we didn't sell a single thing... I guess, handmade dishes aren't groceries? lol</div>
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That day we learned about putting a <i>smile on in the rain,</i> and just being there to <span style="color: #274e13;">meet people, both the shoppers and the vendors.</span> Just enjoying the day, was a great lesson.... oh, and <b><i>we learned which market to go to when we want some Great FOOD!</i></b></div>
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<span style="color: #660000;">Market Days have become something we really <b style="color: #cc0000;">look forward to as a family.</b> I've started reflecting on what kinds of <b><i style="color: #0c343d;">memories</i> </b>my children will bring with them into adulthood,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;">and I think these will be good ones.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;">Our <b>rag-tag</b>, <span style="color: #741b47;">gypsy </span>family <b><span style="color: #0c343d;">rolling out of bed</span></b> </span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;">already in our clothes for the day,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000;">loading into the <i>already packed-up van</i> and <span style="color: #38761d;">dreamily trekking over the mountain...</span> open to whatever adventures await us at the Market.</span><br />
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Feel free to check out my goodies at: </div>
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http://irrotatalmara.blogspot.ca/<br />
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<a carnatpar="carnatpar" carnival-of-natural-parenting="carnival-of-natural-parenting" codenamemama.com="codenamemama.com" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="http:" target="_blank">http://codenamemama.com/<wbr></wbr></a></span></div>
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<p><a href="http://codenamemama.com/carnival-of-natural-parenting/#carnatpar" target="_blank" title="Carnival of Natural Parenting"><img align="right" alt="Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama" border="0" class="alignright" src="http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee159/lintpicker/CNPnaturalparent.jpg" /></a>Visit <a href="http://codenamemama.com/carnival-of-natural-parenting/#carnatpar" target="_blank"> <strong>Code Name: Mama</strong></a> and <a href="http://www.hobomama.com/p/carnival-of-natural-parenting.html" target="_blank"><strong>Hobo Mama</strong></a> to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!</p>
<p>Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:</p>
<p><em>(This list will be live and updated by afternoon August 14 with all the carnival links.)</em></p>
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<li><strong><a href="http://www.readingconfetti.com/2012/08/10-simple-ways-to-make-farmers-market.html" target="_blank">10 Simple Ways to Make the Farmer's Market More Fun for Kids</a></strong> — Lorie at <strong>Reading Confetti</strong> shares ideas and books to help kids get the most from the farmers market experience.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://www.hybridrastamama.com/2012/08/10-things-i-want-to-teach-my-daughter.html" target="_blank">10 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter About The Importance of Shopping at the Farmer’s Market</a></strong> — Jennifer at <strong>Hybrid Rasta Mama</strong> shares the ten lessons she hopes to impart to her daughter about the importance of shopping at local farmers markets.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://www.growingslower.com/2012/08/local-farmers-market.html" target="_blank">Charmed by Two Small Town Markets</a></strong> — Shannon at <strong>GrowingSlower</strong> was charmed by two small-town farmers markets while on vacation.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://maydela.blogspot.com/2012/08/olympia-farmers-market-and-giveaway" target="_blank">The Olympia Farmer's Market (and a giveaway!)</a></strong> — Shannon at <strong>Pineapples & Artichokes</strong> and family took a trip to their state capitol to experience a new market. See what they saw, and enter to win a book written about that very market.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://trueconfessionsofarealmommy.blogspot.com/2012/08/On-The-Hunt-at-the-Farmers-Market.html" target="_blank"></a></strong> — Exploring the farmers market by Jennifer at <strong>True Confessions of a Real Mommy</strong> writing at <strong>Natural Parents Network</strong> — with a scavenger hunt!</li>
<li><strong><a href="#" target="_blank">Exploring the Market ... Alphabet Style</a></strong> — <strong>That Mama Gretchen</strong> is in the midst of creating a learning tool for her toddler and it's all about the market!</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://aspentreemama.blogspot.ca/2012/08/unschooling-at-our-farmers-market.html" target="_blank">Unschooling at the Farmers Market</a></strong> — Megz at <strong>Aspen Mama</strong> loves building memories as a vendor at the Market.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://livingmontessorinow.com/2012/08/14/montessori-inspired-vegetable-unit/" target="_blank"> Montessori-Inspired Vegetable Unit</a></strong> — Deb Chitwood at <strong>Living Montessori Now</strong> shares links to Montessori-inspired vegetable printables and activities to help your family get the most out of a trip to the farmer’s market.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://sustainable-mum.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/markets.html" target="_blank">Markets</a></strong> — How <strong>sustainable mum</strong> has fitted a monthly farmers market into a weekly food shop.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://talesofgoodness.com/2012/08/14/the-farmers-market-in-under-an-hour-carl-style" target="_blank">The Farmers Market In Under An Hour ("Carl Style")</a></strong> — Andrea and family at <strong>Tales of Goodness</strong> adapt their farmers marketing approach to make everyone happy.</li>
<li><strong><a href="#" target="_blank">Tales Of a Troubled Gardener</a></strong> — Sam at <strong>Love Parenting</strong> writes about her dream of self-sufficiency and her lack of gardening skills!</li>
<li><strong><a href="#" target="_blank">A Few {Of The Many} Reasons Why I Love Our Farmer’s Market</a></strong> — Even though the experience can sometimes be less than peaceful, <strong>MomeeeZen</strong> shares why she enjoys taking her family to the Farmer's Market on Saturday mornings.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://www.simplysahm.blogspot.com/2012/08/farmers-market-independence.html" target="_blank">Experiencing the Farmer's Market from a Different Perspective</a></strong> — Emily at <strong>S.A.H.M. i AM</strong> had a great time letting her toddler lead the way at the farmer's market...</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://farmersdaughterct.com/?p=7594" target="_blank">Ask A Farmer's Daughter</a></strong> — Abbie at <strong>Farmer's Daughter</strong> answers questions about her life growing up on a small family farm in New England.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://cityhomeschooling.blogspot.com/2012/08/giving-up-grocery-store.html" target="_blank">Giving Up the Grocery Store</a></strong> — Kerry at <strong>City Kids Homeschooling</strong> shares her family's summertime challenge to eliminate trips to the grocery store and rely almost exclusively on local, farm-fresh foods.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://www.hobomama.com/2012/08/august-carnival-of-natural-parenting.html" target="_blank">Urban farming and fresh food in the city</a></strong> — Lauren at <strong>Hobo Mama</strong> takes trips to farms, gardens, and markets within reach of a big city.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://www.lonehomeranger.com/2012/08/market-tip-get-to-know-your-farmers.html" target="_blank">Market Tip: Get to Know Your Farmers</a></strong> — Justine at <strong>The Lone Home Ranger</strong> finally gets up the guts to talk to her farmers and learns she is among ardent food lovers.</li>
<li><strong><a href="#" target="_blank">New Farmer's Market Find</a></strong> — Kellie at <strong>Our Mindful Life</strong> is excited to make a new find at her new farmers market.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://insteadofinstitutions.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-real-world-grassroots-edition.html" target="_blank">"The Real World" Grassroots Edition</a></strong> — jessica at <strong>instead of institution</strong> takes some time out to write a love note.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://codenamemama.com/2012/08/14/insider-tips-farmers-market/" target="_blank">9 Insider Tips for Farmer's Market Newbies</a></strong> — Dionna at <strong>Code Name: Mama</strong> chatted with a few farmers to bring you some insider information on how to get the most out of your local farmer's market.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://blog.childorganics.com/2012/08/the-place-where-i-can-say-yes.html" target="_blank">The Place Where I Can Say "Yes!"</a></strong> — Erica at <strong>ChildOrganics</strong> gives you a tour of her favorite vendors at her local farmers market and discusses the benefits of creating community through the market.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://www.mommajorje.com/2012/08/raw-local-milk.html" target="_blank">Raw Local Milk</a></strong> — Jorje shares her family's field trip to a local dairy. Learn what you can appreciate from a small town farm at <strong>Momma Jorje.com</strong>.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://babyweb.co/2012/08/14/italian-secret-vegetable-soup-recipe/" target="_blank">Italian Secret Vegetable Soup Recipe</a></strong> — Alinka at <strong>Baby Web</strong> convinces an Italian Farmer & Cook to reveal a precious minestrone recipe and shares it with her readers.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://onefitmom.ca/2012/08/14/where-do-our-eggs-come-from-a-visit-to-sucellus-farms" target="_blank">Where do our eggs come from? A visit to Sucellus Farms.</a></strong> — Carli at <strong>One Fit Mom</strong> takes her family to meet the chickens that have been providing their daily eggs.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://trueconfessionsofarealmommy.blogspot.com/2012/08/beyond-farm.html" target="_blank">Beyond the Farm</a></strong> — Jennifer at <strong>True Confessions of a Real Mommy</strong> and her family enjoy looking beyond the food at the local farmer's market to see the wares of the over vendors.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://www.anktangle.com/2012/08/magic-at-market.html" target="_blank">Magic at the Market</a></strong> — Do you ever take time to really look at the food you eat? Amy at <strong>Anktangle</strong> enjoys marveling at the beauty (and the utility) of the foods and goods available at the farmers' market.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://www.puginthekitchen.com/?p=708" target="_blank">Farmer's Market Discoveries</a></strong> — Laura from <strong>Pug in the Kitchen</strong> reminisces about the discoveries she's made at the Farmer's Market throughout the years. </li>
<li><strong><a href="http://alivingfamily.com/2012/08/14/getting-the-most-out-of-your-farmers-market/" target="_blank">Are You Getting the Most out of Your Farmers' Market? (My List of Not-So-Common "Musts")</a></strong> — Sheila at <strong>A Living Family</strong> shares some uncommon ways to squeeze even more joy and connection (and yumminess!) from your local farmers' market experience.</li>
<li><strong><a href="http://www.diaryofafirstchild.com/2012/08/14/pick-your-own-and-eat-it/" target="_blank">Pick Your Own And Eat It</a></strong> — Luschka from <strong>Diary of a First Child</strong> shares their trip to a PYO farm and the journey from picking to eating her favourite food</li>
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aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-262893120472419412012-07-16T10:02:00.001-07:002012-07-16T10:02:57.901-07:00Our party of Sadness<div style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Recently, I've notice my son seems <span style="color: #cc0000;">afraid of negative emotions;</span> he would begin to <span style="color: #674ea7;">cry and quickly escalate </span>because of disliking the feeling of crying and sadness. Sometimes crying makes him feel <span style="color: #cc0000;">panicked</span>, like he can't <i>calm down or catch his breath. </i>I felt a little concerned about this; <i style="color: #073763;">I wondered</i> how I could encourage him to feel more comfortable in his emotions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The "natural learning" part of me trusted that eventually he would would this out for himself; but still my mind was racing for ideas.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Not many days later, he did work it out for himself! He really wanted a particular toy, "right now." To be clear, the answer was "not today", not "no". And a perhaps useless explanation was offered to him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">He felt <span style="color: #6aa84f;">sadness, disappointment and frustration.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I thought<span style="color: #45818e;"> "Okay, here we go again...." </span>not the most helpful thought, but there it was anyways.....</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">He sat his self down on the floor, at the bottom of the stairs, <span style="color: #674ea7;">crying.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Looking a little <i style="color: #134f5c;">alone and dejected.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I joined him, on the floor trying to be as <span style="color: #3d85c6;">sad</span> as I could muster, "I'm so sad too, so I'm going to sit and sulk with you."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">He looked <span style="color: #b45f06;">skeptical.</span> <span style="color: #6aa84f;">"Why are you so sad, mom?"</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">me- <span style="color: #45818e;">"I'm so sad because I want a new, bigger kitchen."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Oak- <span style="color: #6aa84f;">"Oh, I'm sad about my toy. And we never get juice anymore, only water."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Me- <span style="color: #45818e;">"and also I'm sad because we crashed our van, and I hurt my foot."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Oak- <span style="color: #6aa84f;">"Oh and also I'm so so so sad because...."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And there it was, a back-and-forth of all the reasons we could think of for feeling sad.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Eventually, the reasons got sillier and sillier... <b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I'm so sad because I want to have a bigger bum.... AND louder farts!"</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Oakley was ready to move on from <span style="color: #3d85c6;">sadness. </span>Somewhere in this game he dubbed it the<u><b><span style="color: #0b5394;"> "Party of Sadness"</span></b></u>... and later told me it was SO AWESOME!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">He proposed that maybe one day we have a <span style="color: #cc0000;">Party of Madness</span>..... so we'll see how that goes...</span></div>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-58817353880723463392012-05-12T19:35:00.000-07:002012-05-21T15:27:13.734-07:00two tales of weaning<div style="color: purple;">
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<b>Welcome to the Carnival of Weaning: Weaning - Your Stories</b><br />
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<i>This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Weaning hosted by <a "="" 05="" 2012="" 21="" codenamemama.com="" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="" target="_blank" weaning="">http://codenamemama.com/<wbr></wbr>2012/05/21/weaning/</a>" target="_blank">Code Name: Mama and <a "="" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="" target="_blank" www.ahaparenting.com="">http://www.ahaparenting.<wbr></wbr>com/</a>"
target="_blank">Aha! Parenting. Our participants have
shared stories, tips, and struggles about the end of the breastfeeding
relationship.</i><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana;">I have two <i>lovely, beautiful, healthy children</i>... and for each of them two very different tales of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and weaning. Different because they are each unique beings, entitled to their own stories; and also different because the first time around I was lacking in both knowledge, and good health.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;">My first baby only exclusively breastfed for 2 months, and then was on formula as well as nursing until, when she was 6 months, it was time to stop. I mourned the loss. I felt so sad, during those 4 months, as I continued to pump, and take herbs and drugs until she was 6 months old... I would have tried anything to keep it going! But alas, I had surgery when she was 2 months old and it all but dried me right up... never mind that she also had a <b>tongue tie</b> that was missed. Weaning her did not seem like much of a choice; it just happened. Eventually, she was just not interested and was getting her hunger met from foods and, to my disappointment, formula. I had a lot of health problems. My baby was cared for a lot by her dad and Gramma, thankfully I had support! I was thankful, I could see the bond she had with so many people.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;">As my daughter became a toddler, I became a doula. I felt passionate about helping families have support and access to information on natural pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;">Pregnancy with my son was really beautiful. <span style="color: #134f5c;">I felt healthy, and confident about being a mom!</span> I had trust that my body knew what it was doing, if I would just let it. He was born at home, after about 8 hours of very manageable labour. Labouring naturally was a new experience for me, and being able to do that just impressed on me how <i>powerful and capable </i>my body was! Nursing a baby who wasn't drugged, and didn't have a tongue tie felt amazingly natural!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;">My little guy was happy to nurse, and I was <b>happy and thankful</b> to nurse him anytime he needed it! Right from day 1, we slept together in his room on a double mattress. It was so satisfying to <i style="color: #134f5c;">feel the bond</i> that nursing him created. I knew he was <i style="color: #134f5c;">secure and safe</i> sleeping with me. I had heard of <b>child-led weaning</b>, and it made a lot of sense to me; it sounded so <b><i>respectful</i></b> of the little one and of human nature. This felt right and good to me.... <i>not that it was always easy.</i> We played musical beds as he got older; me splitting my time between sleeping with my husband and with my baby. It felt great to just let him eat off of my plate, tasting various things as he was curious. He had sippy cups sometimes, after 7 months old.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;">As he became a toddler, more and more people thought it was strange that I was still nursing him. My goal was at least 2 years, as that was the WHO recommendation at that time. When he was older than 2, he was nursing mostly at night time, and for naps.... maybe 6-8 times in a day. Some of his sessions were very short, <i style="color: #134f5c;">some were just for comfort</i> because he was tired or frustrated or hurt or teething. Nursing at 2 and 3 years old seemed <b>shocking</b> to a lot of people. I felt okay about that then, and still do. </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">I know I was sure thankful to be nursing him when he got croup, twice.</span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><i style="color: #38761d;"> Occasionally, we would meet a gramma who thought it was great.</i> I remember being asked <span style="color: #990000;">"what if he wants to nurse until he's 5?"</span> And thinking, <span style="color: #990000;">"5 sounds so big"</span>.... but saying <span style="color: #cc0000;">"if he still needs to and wants to when he's 5, then that's what we'll do."</span></span> **BIG GRIN**</div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;">Sometimes I felt exhausted, and touched out. I tried not to complain to people who would encourage me to wean before we were both ready.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;">When he was 3 <i><span style="color: #cc0000;">we were in a car accident</span></i> that left me with <span style="color: red;">constant pain</span> in my tail bone and neck. It turned out to be nerve damage. The doctor wanted me to take drugs for it, and I didn't want to because it would have meant weaning. Even my doctor sort of giggled, and said that if we continued our nursing relationship it was for US, it was for bonding and comfort. I told him I wanted to try healing naturally, and keep on nursing. He was supportive of that, and that's just what we did!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;">As Oak was approaching his 4th birthday, the pain was really getting to me, it was not healing. We were only nursing at bedtime and first thing in the morning; he was naturally reducing his number of feedings. As he approached his 4th birthday, I started talking with him about not nursing anymore once he turned 4. <span style="color: #134f5c;">He didn't seem opposed or upset by this idea.</span> He has a number of cousins the same age, who had finished nursing for years... I told him they didn't nurse anymore.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><i>We counted down the days together, </i>until he turned 4. So I did encourage him, but we worked together at it. <b>It felt mutual. </b>Had he shown signs of needing it still, I would have continued; but he was okay :) We did lots of long cuddles at bedtime, sometimes skin-to-skin. (and I got to take some drugs and get relief from the pain!)</span> <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">He was weaned, AND I felt good about it! I didn't feel like I had taken away something he still needed, and I was thankful that he was old enough to have some understanding and communication around this.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>He is a super healthy boy! </b>And I will be forever grateful for the bonding and snuggle time. Those are our stories. <span style="color: red;">What's yours?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="color: red;"> </span></span>!-- START BOTTOM STRAIGHT LIST CODE --><br />
<a gwt="" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="" n?u="http%3A%2F%2Fcodenamemama.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F05%2FCarnival-of-Weaning-Button.jpg"" www.google.com="">http://codenamemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Carnival-of-Weaning-Button.jpg</a>"><img gwt="" http:="" n?u="http%3A%2F%2Fcodenamemama.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F05%2FCarnival-of-Weaning-Button-150x150.jpg"" src="<a href=" www.google.com="" />http://codenamemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Carnival-of-Weaning-Button-150x150.jpg"
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<em>Thank you for visiting the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Dionna at <a gwt="" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="" n?u="http%3A%2F%2Fcodenamemama.com%2F"" www.google.com="">http://codenamemama.com/</a>" target="_blank"><strong>Code Name: Mama</strong> and Dr. Laura at <a gwt="" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="" n?u="http%3A%2F%2Fahaparenting.com%2F"" www.google.com="">ahaparenting.com/</a>" target="_blank"><strong>Aha! Parenting</strong>.</em><br />
<em><br />
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival
participants (and many thanks to Joni Rae of <a gwt="" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="" n?u="http%3A%2F%2Fjonirae.com%2F"" www.google.com="">http://jonirae.com/</a>">Tales of a Kitchen Witch for designing our lovely button):</em><br />
<em>(This list will be live and updated by afternoon May
21 with all the carnival links.)</em><br />
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<li><strong><a gwt="" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="" n?u="http%3A%2F%2Fnaturalparentsnetwork.com%2Fbreastfeeding-weaning-identity%2F"" www.google.com="">http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/breastfeeding-weaning-identity/</a>"
target="_blank">On Breastfeeding, Weaning, and One Mother’s
Identity</strong> — Jessica at <strong>
Natural Parents Network</strong> has been nursing one or more of
her children since 1993 - breastfeeding is wrapped up in her concept of
mothering and herself. She shares her thoughts on weaning.</li>
<br />
<li><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7023880743484625726#" target="_blank">two tales of
weaning</a></strong> — Aspen at
<strong>Aspen Mama</strong> writes about their countdown to
wean.</li>
<br />
<li><strong><a <="" href="" p=""><i></i><br /><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></a></strong></li>
</ul>
</div>
aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-55136614632396529032012-02-28T11:55:00.007-08:002012-02-28T12:07:45.928-08:00AND... I Would Do It Again!<p><br /></p><p style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);">As my youngest is 6, I've been doing a lot of </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);" >reflecting</span><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> </span> on how much I have learned from my little ones. I am quite certain I have learned at least as much from them as they have from me. </span><b>They have taught me how to be <span style="color:#351c75;">wrong. </span><span style="color:#ff0000;">Alot.</span> And then they have taught me what works for them, and I've had to <span style="color:#351c75;">change.</span> <span style="color:#ff0000;">Alot.</span></b></p><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kpyErwIW5Cw/T00yAfCNAQI/AAAAAAAAADI/aGHLVsrPx0g/s1600/DSCN2396.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kpyErwIW5Cw/T00yAfCNAQI/AAAAAAAAADI/aGHLVsrPx0g/s320/DSCN2396.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5714278486115156226" border="0" /></a></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p>Below is a list of <b><u><span style="color:#134f5c;">Things I Would Do Again</span></u></b>, the same.</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><br /></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Birthing my babies at home... </b>So, So fantastic. Getting to stay in my home, surrounded by <span style="color:#990000;">the people I love</span> and the <span style="color:#b45f06;">midwives I trust. </span>Nothing could have felt more natural. I would do it again tomorrow.</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><br /></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Finding a way to make co-sleeping and on-demand nursing work...</b> I remember my <span style="color:#073763;">sleepy stooper... </span>wondering down the hall, to sit in a rocker and <span style="color:#38761d;">awkwardly, exhaustedly</span> nurse my first born 3-4 times a night. No wonder nursing didn't last long the first time around! I had this picture in my head of my <span style="color:#e06666;">perfect sleeping baby, in her crib, in her room...</span> and I fought pretty persistently to achieve that <span style="color:#e06666;">perfect picture.</span> Nothing could have been less natural. <i>Eventually I realized, she needed to be with me.</i> Which honestly, made our queen-size rather crowded; but it still felt a lot better. When she got too big to fit, she slept on a foamy in our room. As a toddler, we got her a double size bed, where her and I could sleep together without disturbing dad. It took some time, but <i style="color: #38761d;">Olivia had taught me</i> that her need to be close to us, to feel safe and secure at night was more important than <b>our perceived need for privacy</b>; and far more important than the ridiculous <b><span style="color:#660000;">fear</span></b> that she would <i>never learn to sleep on her own</i> if we met that need. I will always feel good for meeting her need.</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><br /></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Nursing until...</b> That double bed came in awfully handy when we had our son! After only nursing Olivia exclusively for 2 months, and then being all dried up by 6 months. I was determined to make a longer go of nursing this time. After having to help Olivia through nearly <b>constant ear and lung infections,</b> as well as <b>many digestive problems</b>, nursing as long as I could was super important! That meant sleeping<i> with</i> Oakley, in the double bed, and nursing all night. Surprisingly, <i style="color: #6aa84f;">I got a lot more sleep this way!</i> No walking, or sitting, or even waking to nurse! He quickly found his way to latching without my help. This felt <span style="color:#38761d;">natural</span>; and I felt <b>positive</b> about meeting his needs for closeness, security and nourishment! Not too surprisingly, he was a much more <i>contented</i> baby; the crying and health problems that we had experienced with Olivia were not making a repeat appearance with our son. We made it to the recommended 2 year mark, and just kept going, until when he was 4, we agreed to wean.</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5-0bB5kOwCk/T00yfZTpyUI/AAAAAAAAADU/dLgFJdESU7I/s1600/DSCN1816.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5-0bB5kOwCk/T00yfZTpyUI/AAAAAAAAADU/dLgFJdESU7I/s320/DSCN1816.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5714279017153677634" border="0" /></a></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Letting my kids lead the way.</b> This was a tricky one. After clinging to a <span style="color:#45818e;">mental picture</span> of how this parenting thing <i>should</i> look, and discovering that this only leads to <b>suffering....</b> I came around to the idea that I needed to be more open to the <span style="color:#e06666;">absence of a picture!</span> The first time I heard someone say that children are equal to their parents, I felt <i style="color: #134f5c;">defensive.</i> I didn't like how that sounded. <i>Compared to the beliefs I held in my mind, about families, and obedience.... </i>this just sounded <b>wrong.</b> By now I had been <i style="color: #cc0000;">wrong</i> at this parenting-gig before; <i style="color: #cc0000;">I had learned a lot about doing it wrong.</i> I had learned by now, that my children's <b>needs were equal to mine;</b> <b><i style="color: #a64d79;">just a real and valid.</i></b> Seeing the success of co-sleeping had taught me that. I tried <i>valuing</i> their wants, feelings, and preferences too, viewing them as equal to mine. This lead to more challenges day-to-day;<b> at first.</b> But it also lead to children who <span style="color:#990000;">feel important. </span>They are <span style="color:#0000ff;">articulate</span> about expressing their <span style="color:#134f5c;">feelings, fears, needs, and preferences.</span> <i>This does not mean that they get what they want all the time!</i> In fact, what it means is that we have all gained experience in <b>problem solving and negotiating.</b> This means, for example, that when it was really important to Olivia to have a violin, and we couldn't afford one, we brainstormed ways to work together to make the money. It took two years of saving, and making and selling jewelry together; but<i> she did it! We did it!</i> Her want was important to us, so we did it together. This felt like a big accomplishment! All of this Following Their Lead business naturally lead to....</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><br /></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Unschooling!</b> Following their lead with <i>learning!! </i>This is something I have become SO <span style="color:#ff0000;">passionate</span> about because I have seen how wonderful it can be! Unschooling honors natural learning. It is following <span style="color:#cc0000;">curiosity.</span> It is following <span style="color:#6aa84f;">passion.</span> It is <b>lifelong learning, </b>not something just done in the school years. Unschooling is <i style="color: red;">limitless!</i><span style="color:#ff0000;"> </span>It is not divided into grade levels, or expected outcomes; it is not worksheets, or learning in subjects; it is <b><i>all inclusive! </i></b>I have watched my daughter, who has <span style="color:#0b5394;">severe dyslexia</span> <i>teach herself</i> how to read, because of allowing her to lead the way in her learning. She has <b>built her own</b> weekly learning routine which includes <span style="color:#134f5c;">dance, violin, volunteering at a seniors home, learning about the bible, learning sign language, cooking and sewing..... </span>she is a very <i>busy gir</i>l; and she is <i>brilliantly</i> directing her own learning!</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b><br /></b></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Staying home with my kids long after a year...</b> of course, not everyone has this option. For us, it meant <i>selling our home</i> and moving to a more affordable one. It meant <i>asking for help</i> from extended family and being thankful when they lent us support. It has meant being <span style="color:#38761d;">financially very poor,</span> according to our standard of living in this country. <i style="color: #45818e;">The more time I have spent with my kids though, the more I like them.</i> Sometimes when I hear people complaining about their kids, I think to myself, it's because they don't spend enough time with them. Did I just say that out loud?! Oops. That's not to say we don't have rough days. <u>WE DO.</u> We have days where everyone is whiny, when they are fighting over toys, when they are picky about food; <i style="color: #cc0000;">we have days when I count down the hours until they go to sleep! </i>But it is worth it. And as I see how quickly they are growing, and getting to know them, I'm <b>so grateful </b>I've gotten to be here for so much of it.</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pjuP5SviGWQ/T00zBAthzKI/AAAAAAAAADg/88dDNGXDqCU/s1600/DSCN1699.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pjuP5SviGWQ/T00zBAthzKI/AAAAAAAAADg/88dDNGXDqCU/s320/DSCN1699.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5714279594666871970" border="0" /></a></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Baby, toddler, and child massage!</b> In the beginning, I did this to help Olivia with her digestion and sleep, which it did. In the end, I have spent countless hours bonding with my babies through massage.... and the side effect is that they love <span style="color:#ff0000;">giving </span>massage too! :D</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><br /></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Getting a learning assessment...</b> I know not many people talk about this one... but I'm going to because it was one of the hardest decisions to make; and one of the most intense processes.... and I wish more parents had of been open to talking about it. Going through the assessment was not about getting a label for us; it was about <i style="color: #cc0000;">learning strengths and weaknesses.</i> It was about finding out <i style="color: #cc0000;">how we could be more supportive.</i> Ultimately, it was about learning how Olivia learns best; and it has resulted in her having more and more success and confidence.</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b><br /></b></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Skipping the shots in favor of building up the immune system...</b> I know, such a controversial one, what am I even doing talking about this one?! Hey, this is <u>my</u> list. <i>You can make your own;</i> and on it can be <span style="font-style: italic;">"Getting the vaccines..."</span> ;)</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><i>Olivia reacted to the vaccines.</i> Her reaction lead to months of <span style="color:#134f5c;">endless, inconsolable screaming</span>; this was not colic. This was her<b> brain </b>being affected badly by the "medicine" that was supposed to protect her. Combined with a rough pregnancy, birth, and problems nursing; <i style="font-weight: bold;">this batch of shots added a layer of "challenge"</i><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>that her very small body simply did not need. I have no doubts that these contributed to her <span style="color:#cc0000;">lung infections, ear infections, multiple allergies, and learning disabilities.</span> I would not do it again. Seeing the contrast in my son's health, having not had any vaccines is remarkable. He had croup; and that has been his only serious illness. He has minor asthma, which we treat with herbs. He has never had an ear infection. <i style="color: #990000;">He has been an incredibly healthy boy!</i></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><br /></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Realizing that the advice from the neighbor, the lady on the bus or the guy in the grocery store is not always good.</b> My neighbor told me to let Olivia <i style="color: #cc0000;">cry-it-out.</i> This was during the time I was attached to the baby-in-crib idea. This was <b>bad</b> advice. My sickly, "failure to thrive", reacting-to-vaccines baby needed ME! She needed <i style="color: #0c343d;">closeness and comfort</i>; <span style="color:#20124d;">she needed to know that I heard her cries.</span> <span style="color:#990000;">Her cries, that were her only means of communicating.</span> I will always regret taking that advice, especially given the <b>link to SIDS,</b> and other health issues associated with this "method."</p><p>http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky</p> <p>I felt so sorry as I came across stories like this one:<br /></p><p>"Especially in the first six months, avoid sleep trainers who advise you to let your baby “cry it out.” Only you know what “it” is and how to respond appropriately to your baby. The first SIDS baby in my practice awakened frequently. Her mother responded intuitively to her and nursed her back to sleep. When that baby was four months of age, a friend warned this mother that she was “spoiling that baby and that she should let her cry it out.” That night her cries went unanswered – permanently." This quote from - http://doulamomma.wordpress.com/2010/02/11/seven-steps-to-reduce-the-risk-of-sids/_mckay.html<br /></p> <p> Thankfully, I did not believe the lady that told me holding Olivia during her naps would stop her from growing! lol <span style="color:#20124d;">Obviously, I have made my peace with doing what feels natural for me now, and letting the advice goooooo... even though, I'm sure that means I sound crazy a good portion of the time ;)</span></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><br /></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b>Letting go of the fear, and the notion of tough love....</b> <span style="color:#990000;">fear that I could do the impossible and Spoil a Baby!</span> Fear that my babies would always need to sleep in my bed if I gave in... (really? Anyone know of a teen who wants to sleep with his parents?! ew.) <span style="color:#674ea7;">Fear that my babies wouldn't stop nursing if I let it go on until they stopped needing it. </span><span style="color:#274e13;">Fear of people looking at me funny, or thinking I was weird.</span> <span style="color:#783f04;">Fear that they would catch some deathly disease for not being vaccinated.</span> <span style="color:#cc0000;">Fear that they would be self-centered if I met and valued all of their needs.</span> Fear that they wouldn't become independent and confident people if I spent so much time with them.<span style="color:#0000ff;"> Fear that they wouldn't grow and become great things if I allowed their natural abilities to take the lead.</span><b><span style="color:#990000;"> </span></b></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><b><span style="color:#990000;">Fear. Limiting and controlling Fear.</span></b></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><br /></p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p>So there's my list.... what's on your's?</p></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><p><br /></p></div>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7023880743484625726.post-73480074243013353092011-12-25T09:50:00.000-08:002011-12-25T10:18:41.613-08:00InnocentI haven't written here for some time. Partly because I haven't had much to say, partly because sometimes I say the wrong thing. And by that I mean that I say something that offends someone, or breaks down my relationship with someone. Neither is fun, not offending, but also not sharing.<br /><img src="webkit-fake-url://4E040809-2847-4E45-8F9F-C5B10996E060/imagejpeg" /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>With that in mind continue reading, because I have a story to share. A story about Innocence.</div><div>My son is 6. He tends to say some crazy things, in his innocence, of course. Like the time he told me my singing made food come up his throat... Or the time he told our guest she had a big bum! He is full of surprises.</div><div><br /></div><div>The other night his deep thinking was the surprise. He said to me " you know mom, people are innocent". He sounded so sincere, so thoughtful. I didn't know where this was coming from. I was quiet, I wondered if he could know what innocent meant or where he had heard this word. He continued, " you see, mom, when the first people were here, everything was perfect, here was no right and wrong, the world was innocent. And then Satan came down and messed everything up. Now people don't know, and so people are still innocent."</div><div><br /></div><div>I couldn't help but be amazed, and nod in agreement, and hug him, and tell him how much I love him. It may have looked a lot like "praise".... But it was oozing out of so much warmth. My little guy just demonstrated such a deep and complex understanding of innocence. Wow.</div><div><br /></div><div>No specific teacher or lesson brought about this understanding. Dare I say it arose organically, from his freedom, his innocence.</div>aspentreemamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16730452502198901932noreply@blogger.com0