Old Dan Tucker... and Other Insanities

WHAT is going on?! 

I have been hearing.... literally, Old Dan Tucker being sung for days..... Sung by my children.

I hear it being serenaded while I'm in the shower;

belted out from the back seat while I'm driving;

chanted while we're walking;

and finally dialed down to a hum when I've begged for a break from the Insanity!!

And of course next thing I know it's stuck in MY head too... and then I'm humming it. Where is this coming from?

Old Dan Tucker is just one example of The Insanity. This year something has shifted. Did I say Shifted? What I meant to say was my world has been Flipped, turned-upside-down. (yes, much like the Will Smith song. lol)

This year while planning our learning year, (as much as one can plan that), I started feeling curious about the Waldorf philosophy; which led me, quite surprisingly to browsing through curriculum. Let me say that again: CURRICULUM. For me this is darn-near Shocking. For anyone who knows me knows, I have felt pretty passionately against curriculum; and certainly against anything that looks like school-at-home. These feelings were re-enforced when Liv and I were struggling our way through Kindergarten curriculum, and later struggling through many other bouts of "teaching" and "learning" how to read. Little did I know, the source of our struggle was undiagnosed Dyslexia and Dysgraphia. All I knew, and still know, is this kind of learning was not worth it, or fun, or successful for us. And yet here I was looking through curriculum.

So why on Earth am I feeling good about this?! ....It still sounds crazy.

My outlook, as I was browsing the "curriculum", is that it could be just one more resource, among many resources, that we may or may not use; depending on where we're at with our learning.... okaaaaay.... To my surprise, I found that the Waldorf ideas of protecting the rites of childhood deeply resonated with me; and the bits of curriculum I was seeing looked so multi-sensory. I was having a very strong feeling that this could be a beautiful fit for us.

The other thing that shifted my outlook is that my daughter, wait for it...... ASKED FOR CURRICULUM!! Workbooks to be specific. 

**still shaking my head in disbelief**

Here I had brainstormed with her all the interests and goals she had for herself for the year.... I'm typing up a plan. One that deliberately looks nothing like formal learning, one that is full of games and activities.... and she says, "mom, did you put some curriculum in that? I mean, you know, some workbooks and stuff? Cause I'm thinking I'm getting older and stuff, and I think I should start getting better at math and my spelling and things." 

HUH?! WHAT NOW?

So then again, maybe I was browsing curriculum because somewhere inside me, my intuition knew that this is where we were heading; that this is what was next for us. I don't know how many articles, stories and blogs I've read with the same happenings: lots of free, active, spirited life learning and then with age and interest, reading, and math and eventually more formal learning. I just never thought it would happen to us. I really didn't.

I've picked out but, ahem, not yet ordered curriculum. I'm still looking at it as a resource, just another option to use or not. And as usual, I'm following the lead of my little learners.... and they are leading me to playing "school". I'm not even kidding a little. All of my deep-set opposition to "school-at-home" style learning is having to bow to my children telling me that, "NO MOM, This is supposed to be how it looks.... We sit here, and you are there, and you teach us, and we have to put up our hands... and.... and.... and." .....AND truth be told, they are having a ton of fun with it, and we are learning spelling. And while I do have some inner conflict about this style of learning, it's pretty impossible to argue with them about this one. Or argue with myself, as long as this "school" game remains THEIR idea!

See what I mean? Insanity. World. up. side. down.

Know what else?
For the first time in 6 years my daughter is not taking dance. We are still a part of a belly dance group, but she isn't taking dance. Given the option to explore some new interests, Liv chose to take a break from it. She's found herself a fantastic horse riding mentor, and is in love with horses! Which is helping tremendously with her learning challenges and confidence. I'm still in shock. No dance. HUH.

While browsing through the previously mentioned forbidden fruit, I stumbled upon a new book; Simplicity Parenting. Again, something inside me said, "you have to order that book." The blurb about it mentioned the theme is "Too much". As I looked around, I literally saw Too Much. Too much mess, from too much stuff, in every room of our probably Too Much house. I wondered if this is what the book was about.
We had been recovering all summer from the previous year of Too Much screens; we've been trying to create new limits and routines surrounding that. I wondered if that was the Too Much being referred to in the book. Either way Simple sounded pretty inviting.
I received my new book this week, and have been hooked. And it is what I thought. Our Too Much environment. Full of Too much stuff.  Full of Too Much screens. Toys. Clothes. Adult conversation.

Which leads me to my next insanity. Simplifying my house. AKA- pulling up the utility trailer and making repeated trips to the dump and second hand store. All of these changes have me feeling a little overwhelmed, lost, excited, confused, surprised.... very.... just Very. Is that a feeling? Again. World. Up. Side. Down.

And so, fueled by my new book; accompanied by my family singing Old Dan Tucker; and inspired by our recently discovered major addiction to watching Little House, and Longing for a simpler life.... I am taking on the Too Much mess. I might even blog about our progress, and take pictures for accountability! LOL

Alright. Enough with writing. Time. To. Simplify.

Mom, why am i here?

My son is always amazing me with his questions, his evidence of deep and serious thinking. He may not know how to read or how to work out math on paper yet, but he is working out some very BIG questions. I  peeked in his room this morning, just as he was waking up....

~

"Mom, why am i here?"

"What.... do you mean?"

"I mean, why am I here? What is my purpose? What am I doing HERE?"

~

I wanted time to think about how to answer such a broad question; in classic "mom-manipulation" I invited him to join me for breakfast downstairs, so we could talk about it some more.

This was countered with an invitation to snuggle in bed.

~

"This is a perfectly good place."

~

I snuggled in, and asked him what he thought his purpose might be? 

 ~

"Why do you think you're here?"

 ~

His answer was that he was here because I wanted him, and because I prayed for him. And he is right, that's true. He was looking for something more meaningful to him.

~

"The answer,"

I told him,

"is different for every person. Every person is unique, and has their own gifts; and their purpose is their own, what do you think yours might be?...."

 ~

*silence*

"....i don't know...."

~

"I know my purpose."

.... I  could see I had his attention....

"In this life, my purpose is to take care of you and our family;

my purpose is to cook, and care for the house,

to play with you and help you learn important things;

my purpose is to go to work, to earn money to help pay for the things our family needs.

I also get to make pottery, because I love doing that, and I'm good at it.

It's one of the gifts I've been given.

My purpose is to keep learning, to learn from you and anyone else who has something to share with me.

And also, to keep learning about our God Jehovah, and to help you to learn about Him as well."

~

"That sounds like a lot of work. Actually, that sounds like mostly work." 

He sounded disappointed, and defeated, or perhaps this was just honest observation.

~

"It is work.Your right.

But I love you, and I love our family, so taking care of us doesn't always feel like work. Sometimes I really enjoy it.

It feels good to see you growing happy and healthy.

And working at the store can be fun too. I'm tired when I get home, but it's fun being there.

I feel good knowing that my going there helps to buy you the things you need.

And making pottery is work too, but it doesn't feel like work;

because it's my gift, it's what I'm good at.

Some people are good at building, so that's what they do.

Jehovah made me good at making bowls, and mugs, and art so that's what I do.

And learning, well, that's just part of being alive.

You see, I love the things I work at, so it doesn't feel like work."

~

"So what am I good at? What's my gift? My job? WHAT IS MY DESTINY!?"

He was sounding pretty intense here! :D (So dramatic! I suspect there may be some influence from anime here! ;)

~

I worried about over simplifying.... none the less, I answered.

"Your job is to just be a kid! Your already great at that.

Your job is to play, and have fun, and to learn about the world.

To learn about Jehovah.

And to try things out, until you discover what you really love, and what you're good at.

You will find your gifts, and all you have to do to find them, is to keep being you."

 ~

~ Sometimes I really LOVE this Mama-gig ~

Confessions of an Unschooling Mama

Before I start my confessions, let's put this in context. We consider ourselves Unschoolers... or Natural Learners. (My hubby prefers that term.) We have been Natural Learners for our children's whole lives; even though for a while we didn't know it had a name.

For a quick idea of what unschooling is check out Wiki:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unschooling

Basically though, Natural Learning trusts that all people learn; that it is our nature to learn our whole lives.

Unschooling lets go of "teaching", curriculum and outcomes.

  
It trusts that Life is the best teacher.

Unschooling believes that a child (or person) will learn everything they need to learn in life, in the best time and way for themselves, as individuals.

"Radical Unschoolers" take it a step further;

aiming to live a mutually respectful life with their family.

Sometimes this concept is confusing when it comes to "how to". It can sound or look like "no limits" or "no guidance", which is not really the true idea either. At the same time though, Radical Unschooling generally doesn't value limits on activities related to daily living; like bedtime, or screentime, or diet. Living mutually respectful lives is definitely something I value, and in many ways aim for. It also very challenging at times, as you might imagine.

Now for my confessions.

Sometimes I really, really want a clean, and organized house. Sometimes I think this is the impossible dream of the home learning parent! I mean, I want the whole thing clean, all at the same time. I may have even began uttering the word "chore", in the direction of my children, in an involuntary way, on a semi-daily basis. I may have made a list of tasks that need to be done on a daily basis. Yes. Actually I did this. This is a confession, so I will admit it. To clarify though, these are not tasks that HAVE to be done by the kids everyday, rather its a list of stuff that inevitably gets done daily. It is in list-form so they could stop asking for a chore, and I could stop having to search for something helpful they could do.

"What's that?" you say... "they ask for a chore everyday?"

Yes, they do. And the reason for this is my next confession. They need to choose to do a "chore" before watching tv, or playing video games. The horror!! No seriously. This is terrible. This is does not sound like mutually respectful living at all. Or does it? Sometimes it's hard for me to tell.

Wow, what the heck happened to all my ideals?! I'll tell you what.

I had a son who was using screens for 6-8+ hours a day, sometimes video games, sometimes movies. How's that for a confession? Recognize the picture to the right? Mike TV, from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.... was looking a little too familiar....

To put this into perspective, a lot of Radical Unschooling parents may not have considered this amount of screen time a problem. Most Radical Unschooling parents would consider the content and learning value of the screen activities. And to be honest, I did give a fair bit of consideration to that; a lot of learning happens using screens. But I also gave careful thought to the tummy aches, trouble sleeping, vocal ticks, and generally miserable spirit after a full-on, intense, screen-filled day. Combine that with a prevailing spirit of un-co-operation from both our little learners when it came to helping out. To satisfy our value of mutually respectful living our family had many a conversation about our concerns. Finally though, we felt we had to do the "parent" thing. UGH.

Together, us with our young ones, we drafted up some new agreements about screen time. Our motto has been to Put the Relationship First. The level of imbalance and the generally unco-operative spirit, when it came to helping out was not contributing to healthy family relationships. It was contributing to frustration, and constant, exhausting negotiations. 

So as a family, sitting very traditionally around the table, we drafted up an agreement that required a "chore" (I hate calling them that, but anyway) before screen activities. This felt terrible to me. It really did. I realize it would probably be all kinds of normal in a lot of families. But not in ours. Actually the new agreement felt pretty yucky to all of us. It was breaking old patterns, it was pushing us beyond Our Normal.

There was a Unified dragging of feet; AND we stuck with it.

We also agreed on a limit of 1.5 hours of screen time daily; then if another "chore" was done, a bonus half hour. Part of the process of drafting this agreement was brainstorming many agreements.

It was remembering the "house rules" of our childhood families.

It was remembering all the excessive responsibilities and requirements set by attending public school.

It was remembering the strained relationship I still have with my folks;

it was remembering that

Mutuality is still the goal.

A couple weeks in, an addendum happened. We realized content was a super important part of the recipe. Calm learning shows like Sesame Street wouldn't count as screen time. This was progress. Some days, learning shows, and calm shows satisfied the needs to chill. Kids were still happy and co-operative after those kinds of shows. Then a neat thing happened. After a couple of weeks of painfully sticking to the new agreement, a balancing occurred! 

It just happened.

Some days we are using screens a lot; other days not so much. 

We aren't watching the clock or setting timers as much.

The kids are asking to help out, and are having willing spirits.

We are still negotiating a lot; AND I think that's a great thing.

I think that means the relationship is alive and well, as is the respect.

Life is flowing.

Next confession. I have slowly, but surely, put us all on a Gluten-free diet. Why?

Because it's not normal to have tummy aches every time you eat. It's not normal to have diarrhea everyday. We're Gluten-free because I have Celiac disease, and it's genetic, and very real. Celiac disease destroys your bowels; and damaged bowels aren't going to absorb the nutrients needed to grow healthy bodies and brains.

Why is this even a confession? ***I ask with a sense of frustration... I think because of the reactions of people; it ranges from support, to shock, to pity, to the belief that my suffering is "all in my head." I've heard "I could never do that".... Not true. You can do it, if you want to; and especially if you need to.

I've heard "awe, your poor kids, don't they miss cake and goodies?" I've even heard "Your going to give your daughter an eating disorder." !! Can you even believe that?!

The truth is we plenty of really yummy food! We have cake, and goodies, pizza and ice cream, burgers and fries.... all the junk Nostalgia dictates is so vital to Childhood. So don't pity us, or worse yet judge us. Our diet is yummy and healthy. Our children aren't missing out on anything. I promise. AND they aren't going to get an eating disorder from our family eating Gluten-free! Remembering we highly value Respectful Living, our diet isn't something being Forced. They have the power to make choices; which is why on occasion they come home with enormous tummy aches.... listening to our bodies is just one more lesson to learn.

Last confessions.... (this list is getting rather long....)

I do worry about outcomes.

I occasionally look at workbooks, and curriculum.

Sometimes I compare our family to other families.

I EVEN mutter "grade-level" in a very quiet voice

when shopping in the "teachers resource" store. 

I feel an almost uncontrollable urge to try to "teach" my children to read as soon as they turn 6, rather than wait for them to be ready. 

I also feel compelled to give some form of instruction every time they pick up the guitar.

There. I think that's all of my secrets.

My husband wants to add Bragging to the list. (Isn't he cute?)

He means the bragging he does when we get a final summary of all the learning from the year.

He brags to the people who care about "report cards".

Unschooling at our Farmers Market

 
Welcome to the August 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Farmer's Markets

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by http://codenamemama.com/

Code Name: Mama and http://www.hobomama.com/

2012/08/august-carnival-of-
natural-parenting.html


This month our participants have written about something new they've learned about their local farmers.
***


As some of you know, I'm a potter. I opened up a studio last year... and as a result I have been attending more farmers markets this summer than any other year. (maybe 1-2 times a month) Of course, going as a vendor is a bit of a different experience... And it's been good for our whole family!

I remember the evening before our first market, we had a startling revelation that getting our whole family there was going to be no small feat. You see, we drive an hour and a half to the market!! With 3 very heavy totes full of pottery, 2 display tables, a shelf, and a large shade tent; add our 2 children, food for the day and a very active puppy, and WOW, that is one crazy morning!! We have to leave the house by around 7am, so we have plenty of time to drive over the mountain and around the lake.

So why sign up to doing that with our children?!

Because it's a really, really fun day together :) AND it's a day full of learning, which for us, as Natural Learners is a really big deal!

We have been a part of 3 different markets, but one of them is definitely our favorite. It has a really festive feel! There's live music, and hoopers, and stilts. There's bakers, and farmers, and jewelers, a lady who makes beautiful scarves, photographers and a lady who makes dog treats. It is RICH with things to look at and learn about; and RICH with people to learn from. This market is a major tourist destination; the last time we went, we met people visiting from Germany, Sweden, and Brazil, as well as the locals and some who were visiting from interior BC. Seriously, How cool is that?!

My daughter is an artist too; she couldn't even help it if she tried... she is so full of Creativity and Beauty and Talent, I can't even narrow it down and say "She is a Jeweler" or "She's a Dancer" or "She's a Musician" because she's not. She's an ARTIST! And she amazes me everyday. At markets she sells her jewelry, and she's started belly dancing at them also. She's had to learn about budgeting, and marketing and talking with people. She's gotten pretty comfortable visiting vendors, and asking them all about how they make what they do... she has discovered bartering and trades!

If we have successful day sales-wise, we visit a local who sells fresh caught CRAB!! YUM! We also visit and explore one of the beaches. It makes for a Beautiful day!

One of the other markets was only a 40 minute drive from where we live, but when we got there it was a completely different experience. This was mainly a FOOD market!! Beautiful produce, and soaps, baked goods, home made sauces and cheeses, and organic meat. Did I mention it was dumping down RAIN?! SO much rain.... but the locals were all there, on foot, and on bikes, pushing stollers, and clutching their umbrellas! Many of them brought their own baskets to fill. As I mentioned though, this was mainly a FOOD market, so we didn't do very well sales-wise. In fact, we didn't sell a single thing... I guess, handmade dishes aren't groceries? lol

That day we learned about putting a smile on in the rain, and just being there to meet people, both the shoppers and the vendors. Just enjoying the day, was a great lesson.... oh, and we learned which market to go to when we want some Great FOOD!

Market Days have become something we really look forward to as a family. I've started reflecting on what kinds of memories my children will bring with them into adulthood,
and I think these will be good ones.
Our rag-tag, gypsy family rolling out of bed 
already in our clothes for the day,
loading into the already packed-up van and dreamily trekking over the mountain... open to whatever adventures await us at the Market.

Feel free to check out my goodies at:

 http://irrotatalmara.blogspot.ca/

 
***
http://codenamemama.com/

carnival-of-natural-parenting/

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon August 14 with all the carnival links.)

10 Simple Ways to Make the Farmer's Market More Fun for Kids — Lorie at Reading Confetti shares ideas and books to help kids get the most from the farmers market experience.

10 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter About The Importance of Shopping at the Farmer’s Market — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares the ten lessons she hopes to impart to her daughter about the importance of shopping at local farmers markets.

Charmed by Two Small Town Markets — Shannon at GrowingSlower was charmed by two small-town farmers markets while on vacation.

The Olympia Farmer's Market (and a giveaway!) — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes and family took a trip to their state capitol to experience a new market. See what they saw, and enter to win a book written about that very market.

— Exploring the farmers market by Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy writing at Natural Parents Network — with a scavenger hunt!

Exploring the Market ... Alphabet Style — That Mama Gretchen is in the midst of creating a learning tool for her toddler and it's all about the market!

Unschooling at the Farmers Market — Megz at Aspen Mama loves building memories as a vendor at the Market.

Montessori-Inspired Vegetable Unit — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares links to Montessori-inspired vegetable printables and activities to help your family get the most out of a trip to the farmer’s market.

Markets — How sustainable mum has fitted a monthly farmers market into a weekly food shop.

The Farmers Market In Under An Hour ("Carl Style") — Andrea and family at Tales of Goodness adapt their farmers marketing approach to make everyone happy.

Tales Of a Troubled Gardener — Sam at Love Parenting writes about her dream of self-sufficiency and her lack of gardening skills!

A Few {Of The Many} Reasons Why I Love Our Farmer’s Market — Even though the experience can sometimes be less than peaceful, MomeeeZen shares why she enjoys taking her family to the Farmer's Market on Saturday mornings.

Experiencing the Farmer's Market from a Different Perspective — Emily at S.A.H.M. i AM had a great time letting her toddler lead the way at the farmer's market...

Ask A Farmer's Daughter — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter answers questions about her life growing up on a small family farm in New England.

Giving Up the Grocery Store — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares her family's summertime challenge to eliminate trips to the grocery store and rely almost exclusively on local, farm-fresh foods.

Urban farming and fresh food in the city — Lauren at Hobo Mama takes trips to farms, gardens, and markets within reach of a big city.

Market Tip: Get to Know Your Farmers — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger finally gets up the guts to talk to her farmers and learns she is among ardent food lovers.

New Farmer's Market Find — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is excited to make a new find at her new farmers market.

"The Real World" Grassroots Edition — jessica at instead of institution takes some time out to write a love note.

9 Insider Tips for Farmer's Market Newbies — Dionna at Code Name: Mama chatted with a few farmers to bring you some insider information on how to get the most out of your local farmer's market.

The Place Where I Can Say "Yes!" — Erica at ChildOrganics gives you a tour of her favorite vendors at her local farmers market and discusses the benefits of creating community through the market.

Raw Local Milk — Jorje shares her family's field trip to a local dairy. Learn what you can appreciate from a small town farm at Momma Jorje.com.

Italian Secret Vegetable Soup Recipe — Alinka at Baby Web convinces an Italian Farmer & Cook to reveal a precious minestrone recipe and shares it with her readers.

Where do our eggs come from? A visit to Sucellus Farms. — Carli at One Fit Mom takes her family to meet the chickens that have been providing their daily eggs.

Beyond the Farm — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy and her family enjoy looking beyond the food at the local farmer's market to see the wares of the over vendors.

Magic at the Market — Do you ever take time to really look at the food you eat? Amy at Anktangle enjoys marveling at the beauty (and the utility) of the foods and goods available at the farmers' market.

Farmer's Market Discoveries — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen reminisces about the discoveries she's made at the Farmer's Market throughout the years.

Are You Getting the Most out of Your Farmers' Market? (My List of Not-So-Common "Musts") — Sheila at A Living Family shares some uncommon ways to squeeze even more joy and connection (and yumminess!) from your local farmers' market experience.

Pick Your Own And Eat It — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares their trip to a PYO farm and the journey from picking to eating her favourite food

Our party of Sadness

Recently, I've notice my son seems afraid of negative emotions; he would begin to cry and quickly escalate because of disliking the feeling of crying and sadness. Sometimes crying makes him feel panicked, like he can't calm down or catch his breath. I felt a little concerned about this; I wondered how I could encourage him to feel more comfortable in his emotions.

The "natural learning" part of me trusted that eventually he would would this out for himself; but still my mind was racing for ideas.

Not many days later, he did work it out for himself! He really wanted a particular toy, "right now." To be clear, the answer was "not today", not "no". And a perhaps useless explanation was offered to him. 

He felt sadness, disappointment and frustration.

I thought "Okay, here we go again...." not the most helpful thought, but there it was anyways.....

He sat his self down on the floor, at the bottom of the stairs, crying.

Looking a little alone and dejected.

I joined him, on the floor trying to be as sad as I could muster, "I'm so sad too, so I'm going to sit and sulk with you."

He looked skeptical. "Why are you so sad, mom?"

me- "I'm so sad because I want a new, bigger kitchen."

Oak- "Oh, I'm sad about my toy. And we never get juice anymore, only water."

Me- "and also I'm sad because we crashed our van, and I hurt my foot."

Oak- "Oh and also I'm so so so sad because...."

And there it was, a back-and-forth of all the reasons we could think of for feeling sad.

Eventually, the reasons got sillier and sillier... "I'm so sad because I want to have a bigger bum.... AND louder farts!"

Oakley was ready to move on from sadness. Somewhere in this game he dubbed it the "Party of Sadness"... and later told me it was SO AWESOME!!

He proposed that maybe one day we have a Party of Madness..... so we'll see how that goes...

two tales of weaning

Welcome to the Carnival of Weaning: Weaning - Your Stories

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Weaning hosted by http://codenamemama.com/2012/05/21/weaning/" target="_blank">Code Name: Mama and http://www.ahaparenting.com/" target="_blank">Aha! Parenting. Our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles about the end of the breastfeeding relationship.



I have two lovely, beautiful, healthy children... and for each of them two very different tales of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and weaning. Different because they are each unique beings, entitled to their own stories; and also different because the first time around I was lacking in both knowledge, and good health.

My first baby only exclusively breastfed for 2 months, and then was on formula as well as nursing until, when she was 6 months, it was time to stop. I mourned the loss. I felt so sad, during those 4 months, as I continued to pump, and take herbs and drugs until she was 6 months old... I would have tried anything to keep it going! But alas, I had surgery when she was 2 months old and it all but dried me right up... never mind that she also had a tongue tie that was missed. Weaning her did not seem like much of a choice; it just happened. Eventually, she was just not interested and was getting her hunger met from foods and, to my disappointment, formula. I had a lot of health problems. My baby was cared for a lot by her dad and Gramma, thankfully I had support! I was thankful, I could see the bond she had with so many people.

As my daughter became a toddler, I became a doula. I felt passionate about helping families have support and access to information on natural pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding!

Pregnancy with my son was really beautiful. I felt healthy, and confident about being a mom! I had trust that my body knew what it was doing, if I would just let it. He was born at home, after about 8 hours of very manageable labour. Labouring naturally was a new experience for me, and being able to do that just impressed on me how powerful and capable my body was! Nursing a baby who wasn't drugged, and didn't have a tongue tie felt amazingly natural!!

My little guy was happy to nurse, and I was happy and thankful to nurse him anytime he needed it! Right from day 1, we slept together in his room on a double mattress. It was so satisfying to feel the bond that nursing him created. I knew he was secure and safe sleeping with me. I had heard of child-led weaning, and it made a lot of sense to me; it sounded so respectful of the little one and of human nature. This felt right and good to me.... not that it was always easy. We played musical beds as he got older; me splitting my time between sleeping with my husband and with my baby. It felt great to just let him eat off of my plate, tasting various things as he was curious. He had sippy cups sometimes, after 7 months old.

As he became a toddler, more and more people thought it was strange that I was still nursing him. My goal was at least 2 years, as that was the WHO recommendation at that time. When he was older than 2, he was nursing mostly at night time, and for naps.... maybe 6-8 times in a day. Some of his sessions were very short, some were just for comfort because he was tired or frustrated or hurt or teething. Nursing at 2 and 3 years old seemed shocking to a lot of people. I felt okay about that then, and still do. I know I was sure thankful to be nursing him when he got croup, twice. Occasionally, we would meet a gramma who thought it was great. I remember being asked "what if he wants to nurse until he's 5?" And thinking, "5 sounds so big".... but saying "if he still needs to and wants to when he's 5, then that's what we'll do." **BIG GRIN**

Sometimes I felt exhausted, and touched out. I tried not to complain to people who would encourage me to wean before we were both ready.

When he was 3 we were in a car accident that left me with constant pain in my tail bone and neck. It turned out to be nerve damage. The doctor wanted me to take drugs for it, and I didn't want to because it would have meant weaning. Even my doctor sort of giggled, and said that if we continued our nursing relationship it was for US, it was for bonding and comfort. I told him I wanted to try healing naturally, and keep on nursing. He was supportive of that, and that's just what we did!

As Oak was approaching his 4th birthday, the pain was really getting to me, it was not healing. We were only nursing at bedtime and first thing in the morning; he was naturally reducing his number of feedings. As he approached his 4th birthday, I started talking with him about not nursing anymore once he turned 4. He didn't seem opposed or upset by this idea. He has a number of cousins the same age, who had finished nursing for years... I told him they didn't nurse anymore.

We counted down the days together, until he turned 4. So I did encourage him, but we worked together at it. It felt mutual. Had he shown signs of needing it still, I would have continued; but he was okay :) We did lots of long cuddles at bedtime, sometimes skin-to-skin. (and I got to take some drugs and get relief from the pain!) He was weaned, AND I felt good about it! I didn't feel like I had taken away something he still needed, and I was thankful that he was old enough to have some understanding and communication around this.

He is a super healthy boy! And I will be forever grateful for the bonding and snuggle time. Those are our stories. What's yours?

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Thank you for visiting the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Dionna at http://codenamemama.com/" target="_blank">Code Name: Mama and Dr. Laura at ahaparenting.com/" target="_blank">Aha! Parenting.

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants (and many thanks to Joni Rae of http://jonirae.com/">Tales of a Kitchen Witch for designing our lovely button):
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon May 21 with all the carnival links.)

• http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/breastfeeding-weaning-identity/" target="_blank">On Breastfeeding, Weaning, and One Mother’s Identity — Jessica at Natural Parents Network has been nursing one or more of her children since 1993 - breastfeeding is wrapped up in her concept of mothering and herself. She shares her thoughts on weaning.


• two tales of weaning — Aspen at Aspen Mama writes about their countdown to wean.


• 
  

AND... I Would Do It Again!

As my youngest is 6, I've been doing a lot of reflecting on how much I have learned from my little ones. I am quite certain I have learned at least as much from them as they have from me. They have taught me how to be wrong. Alot. And then they have taught me what works for them, and I've had to change. Alot.

Below is a list of Things I Would Do Again, the same.

Birthing my babies at home... So, So fantastic. Getting to stay in my home, surrounded by the people I love and the midwives I trust. Nothing could have felt more natural. I would do it again tomorrow.

Finding a way to make co-sleeping and on-demand nursing work... I remember my sleepy stooper... wondering down the hall, to sit in a rocker and awkwardly, exhaustedly nurse my first born 3-4 times a night. No wonder nursing didn't last long the first time around! I had this picture in my head of my perfect sleeping baby, in her crib, in her room... and I fought pretty persistently to achieve that perfect picture. Nothing could have been less natural. Eventually I realized, she needed to be with me. Which honestly, made our queen-size rather crowded; but it still felt a lot better. When she got too big to fit, she slept on a foamy in our room. As a toddler, we got her a double size bed, where her and I could sleep together without disturbing dad. It took some time, but Olivia had taught me that her need to be close to us, to feel safe and secure at night was more important than our perceived need for privacy; and far more important than the ridiculous fear that she would never learn to sleep on her own if we met that need. I will always feel good for meeting her need.

Nursing until... That double bed came in awfully handy when we had our son! After only nursing Olivia exclusively for 2 months, and then being all dried up by 6 months. I was determined to make a longer go of nursing this time. After having to help Olivia through nearly constant ear and lung infections, as well as many digestive problems, nursing as long as I could was super important! That meant sleeping with Oakley, in the double bed, and nursing all night. Surprisingly, I got a lot more sleep this way! No walking, or sitting, or even waking to nurse! He quickly found his way to latching without my help. This felt natural; and I felt positive about meeting his needs for closeness, security and nourishment! Not too surprisingly, he was a much more contented baby; the crying and health problems that we had experienced with Olivia were not making a repeat appearance with our son. We made it to the recommended 2 year mark, and just kept going, until when he was 4, we agreed to wean.

Letting my kids lead the way. This was a tricky one. After clinging to a mental picture of how this parenting thing should look, and discovering that this only leads to suffering.... I came around to the idea that I needed to be more open to the absence of a picture! The first time I heard someone say that children are equal to their parents, I felt defensive. I didn't like how that sounded. Compared to the beliefs I held in my mind, about families, and obedience.... this just sounded wrong. By now I had been wrong at this parenting-gig before; I had learned a lot about doing it wrong. I had learned by now, that my children's needs were equal to mine; just a real and valid. Seeing the success of co-sleeping had taught me that. I tried valuing their wants, feelings, and preferences too, viewing them as equal to mine. This lead to more challenges day-to-day; at first. But it also lead to children who feel important. They are articulate about expressing their feelings, fears, needs, and preferences. This does not mean that they get what they want all the time! In fact, what it means is that we have all gained experience in problem solving and negotiating. This means, for example, that when it was really important to Olivia to have a violin, and we couldn't afford one, we brainstormed ways to work together to make the money. It took two years of saving, and making and selling jewelry together; but she did it! We did it! Her want was important to us, so we did it together. This felt like a big accomplishment! All of this Following Their Lead business naturally lead to....

Unschooling! Following their lead with learning!! This is something I have become SO passionate about because I have seen how wonderful it can be! Unschooling honors natural learning. It is following curiosity. It is following passion. It is lifelong learning, not something just done in the school years. Unschooling is limitless! It is not divided into grade levels, or expected outcomes; it is not worksheets, or learning in subjects; it is all inclusive! I have watched my daughter, who has severe dyslexia teach herself how to read, because of allowing her to lead the way in her learning. She has built her own weekly learning routine which includes dance, violin, volunteering at a seniors home, learning about the bible, learning sign language, cooking and sewing..... she is a very busy girl; and she is brilliantly directing her own learning!

Staying home with my kids long after a year... of course, not everyone has this option. For us, it meant selling our home and moving to a more affordable one. It meant asking for help from extended family and being thankful when they lent us support. It has meant being financially very poor, according to our standard of living in this country. The more time I have spent with my kids though, the more I like them. Sometimes when I hear people complaining about their kids, I think to myself, it's because they don't spend enough time with them. Did I just say that out loud?! Oops. That's not to say we don't have rough days. WE DO. We have days where everyone is whiny, when they are fighting over toys, when they are picky about food; we have days when I count down the hours until they go to sleep! But it is worth it. And as I see how quickly they are growing, and getting to know them, I'm so grateful I've gotten to be here for so much of it.

Baby, toddler, and child massage! In the beginning, I did this to help Olivia with her digestion and sleep, which it did. In the end, I have spent countless hours bonding with my babies through massage.... and the side effect is that they love giving massage too! :D

Getting a learning assessment... I know not many people talk about this one... but I'm going to because it was one of the hardest decisions to make; and one of the most intense processes.... and I wish more parents had of been open to talking about it. Going through the assessment was not about getting a label for us; it was about learning strengths and weaknesses. It was about finding out how we could be more supportive. Ultimately, it was about learning how Olivia learns best; and it has resulted in her having more and more success and confidence.

Skipping the shots in favor of building up the immune system... I know, such a controversial one, what am I even doing talking about this one?! Hey, this is my list. You can make your own; and on it can be "Getting the vaccines..." ;)

Olivia reacted to the vaccines. Her reaction lead to months of endless, inconsolable screaming; this was not colic. This was her brain being affected badly by the "medicine" that was supposed to protect her. Combined with a rough pregnancy, birth, and problems nursing; this batch of shots added a layer of "challenge" that her very small body simply did not need. I have no doubts that these contributed to her lung infections, ear infections, multiple allergies, and learning disabilities. I would not do it again. Seeing the contrast in my son's health, having not had any vaccines is remarkable. He had croup; and that has been his only serious illness. He has minor asthma, which we treat with herbs. He has never had an ear infection. He has been an incredibly healthy boy!

Realizing that the advice from the neighbor, the lady on the bus or the guy in the grocery store is not always good. My neighbor told me to let Olivia cry-it-out. This was during the time I was attached to the baby-in-crib idea. This was bad advice. My sickly, "failure to thrive", reacting-to-vaccines baby needed ME! She needed closeness and comfort; she needed to know that I heard her cries. Her cries, that were her only means of communicating. I will always regret taking that advice, especially given the link to SIDS, and other health issues associated with this "method."

http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky

I felt so sorry as I came across stories like this one:

"Especially in the first six months, avoid sleep trainers who advise you to let your baby “cry it out.” Only you know what “it” is and how to respond appropriately to your baby. The first SIDS baby in my practice awakened frequently. Her mother responded intuitively to her and nursed her back to sleep. When that baby was four months of age, a friend warned this mother that she was “spoiling that baby and that she should let her cry it out.” That night her cries went unanswered – permanently." This quote from - http://doulamomma.wordpress.com/2010/02/11/seven-steps-to-reduce-the-risk-of-sids/_mckay.html

Thankfully, I did not believe the lady that told me holding Olivia during her naps would stop her from growing! lol Obviously, I have made my peace with doing what feels natural for me now, and letting the advice goooooo... even though, I'm sure that means I sound crazy a good portion of the time ;)

Letting go of the fear, and the notion of tough love.... fear that I could do the impossible and Spoil a Baby! Fear that my babies would always need to sleep in my bed if I gave in... (really? Anyone know of a teen who wants to sleep with his parents?! ew.) Fear that my babies wouldn't stop nursing if I let it go on until they stopped needing it. Fear of people looking at me funny, or thinking I was weird. Fear that they would catch some deathly disease for not being vaccinated. Fear that they would be self-centered if I met and valued all of their needs. Fear that they wouldn't become independent and confident people if I spent so much time with them. Fear that they wouldn't grow and become great things if I allowed their natural abilities to take the lead.

Fear. Limiting and controlling Fear.

So there's my list.... what's on your's?