Simply Learning

I HAD written a very long, wordy post... I erased it in favor of LESS. We are Simplifying our life style; and finding that LESS is, indeed more. Less stuff. Less mess. Less crazy running around due to a less crazy schedule. And finally Less words...




Above is my son's room, mid-simplifying-sort; as I ditched Anything: broken, age inappropriate, or limiting to the imagination. Check out how many books are on that book shelf!

Boxes and boxes went to the second hand store, 2 big garbage bags went to the trash. Two more boxes of things I thought he might notice were missing, went into storage.

 

What you see above, is a tub of dress-ups, and a basket of marbles and marble run supplies. Baskets covered with a cloth.



His shelf holds a basket of musical instruments, a basket of cars, and a handful of his favorite books. 

The closet holds a tub of lego and pirate ship set. 

                                     ***Neat, AND easy to keep it that way.***

 This whole Simplifying thing is Waldorf inspired. 
I am amazed and grateful for coming across these resources at exactly the right time for us.

My Daughter got a Simplified version of her room that allowed her to focus on what she loves. Surrounded by dance costumes, her photography, her violin and books...

.........And her new Fish.

 
For years we have been riding the swinging pendulum of Radical Un-schooling; and the pendulum was always, ALWAYS swinging. I was beginning to feel kinda dizzy! 

It was beginning to feel like Someone's needs were always being left unmet; and often my husband and I felt absolutely exhausted.

Perhaps  Probably, as a reflection of our dizziness and exhaustion, our Littles were so dis-content.

There's no other word for it. I took this as a sign we needed a change.

 ~

One of the greatest discoveries about LESS is that it has opened up MORE space for LEARNING!

Letting go of the "box" of the Unschooling label, has opened me up to using some Waldorf curriculum; which by the way, is SO BEAUTIFUL! 
          It is so honoring of Childhood,
                                                                    Curiosity,
                                                                                       Nature and Imagination!

It is astonishing to me to witness my children SO engaged in their learning! Every game, every story, every movement, every art project! (*Still very child-led*)

Above he is learning about pulley systems...



I remember last year, when my son's sole passion was video games, and his mood was miserable. The kind of miserable that comes from not feeling satisfied, valuable, or successful. He would lament that he had no gifts, and that he wasn't good at anything. It broke my heart, as I scrambled around, in vain, trying to find various "things" for him to try. 

*This year he is THRIVING!* Actually, we all are :)*


The things 
I felt so resistant to; routine, curriculum, sharing the daily responsibilities, limiting screen usage; were ALL things that have benefited our family more than I could have imagined!

Simplifying has felt like a Fresh Start.

So it would seem Simplifying has OPENED the space for me to learn some great lessons too!


*Google Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne if your curious to know more.

Our party of Sadness

Recently, I've notice my son seems afraid of negative emotions; he would begin to cry and quickly escalate because of disliking the feeling of crying and sadness. Sometimes crying makes him feel panicked, like he can't calm down or catch his breath. I felt a little concerned about this; I wondered how I could encourage him to feel more comfortable in his emotions.

The "natural learning" part of me trusted that eventually he would would this out for himself; but still my mind was racing for ideas.

Not many days later, he did work it out for himself! He really wanted a particular toy, "right now." To be clear, the answer was "not today", not "no". And a perhaps useless explanation was offered to him. 

He felt sadness, disappointment and frustration.

I thought "Okay, here we go again...." not the most helpful thought, but there it was anyways.....

He sat his self down on the floor, at the bottom of the stairs, crying.

Looking a little alone and dejected.

I joined him, on the floor trying to be as sad as I could muster, "I'm so sad too, so I'm going to sit and sulk with you."

He looked skeptical. "Why are you so sad, mom?"

me- "I'm so sad because I want a new, bigger kitchen."

Oak- "Oh, I'm sad about my toy. And we never get juice anymore, only water."

Me- "and also I'm sad because we crashed our van, and I hurt my foot."

Oak- "Oh and also I'm so so so sad because...."

And there it was, a back-and-forth of all the reasons we could think of for feeling sad.

Eventually, the reasons got sillier and sillier... "I'm so sad because I want to have a bigger bum.... AND louder farts!"

Oakley was ready to move on from sadness. Somewhere in this game he dubbed it the "Party of Sadness"... and later told me it was SO AWESOME!!

He proposed that maybe one day we have a Party of Madness..... so we'll see how that goes...

Promise to my children

Below is a facebook status, the idea was to copy and paste into your own status if you feel this way.

PROMISE TO MY CHILDREN: I will stalk you, moan at you, lecture you, drive you crazy, embarrass you in front of your friends, hunt you down like a bloodhound and be your worst nightmare all because I LOVE YOU! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find someone who loves you, cares about you and worries about you as much as i do!~love mom

I couldn't do it, because while I agree with the "I love you" message I don't agree with the underlining message. The behaviors described portray a message of distrust; an expectation that your children are going to disappoint you. The message is that because you know best, you have given yourself the license to act in disrespectful ways towards your children; to ignore their feelings as irrelevant. And the behaviors are justified with a "because I love you the most." But alas, these are not behaviors or attitudes that build healthy relationships; stalking, moaning, lecturing, embarrassing, hounding, annoying; these are the things that tear down. These things do not encourage respect, communication, or honesty.

~Who of us as adults would seek out a relationship like this? Who of us would like to see our childrens in an adult relationship that looked like this?
It would be considered unhealthy at best.

I would like to revamp this, and compose a promise of my own.


My Promise to My Children:
I promise to trust you, to try to listen more than I talk, to really hear your feelings, to communicate with you.
I promise to feel proud of you,
to credit you with the best intentions and motives;
to share with you in your struggles and disappointments.
I promise to value what you need;
and accept that sometimes you do know what is right for you.
I promise to try and remember that everything in life is a learning experience; and that we can learn from each other.
I promise to be awed by your gifts and talents.
I promise to stand beside you as your advocate, to support you;
even when that support looks crazy to other people;
hug you, love you, comfort you;
and offer guidance when you need it.
I promise to laugh with you; and share in this life with you.

And I hope that when you are a grown adult we will still have a good relationship;
and that when you look back on your childhood
you will feel like you were loved and treated with respect and kindness.
I hope that in your life you will be surrounded by people who love you and care about you;
and I hope that you will choose me to be one of those people.
Because I love you. I loved you before you were, and I love the person you are.

~Love mom