alright, i'm not even going to try to hide the fact that this is likely going to be a bit of a rant. it is not going to be in favor of public school, because i am generally not in favor of public school. if you think you will be offended by what i am about to type, stop reading, or choose to not be offended. this is my space, one of the few places i can hope to say what it is i think and feel. so there. continue reading at your own choice....
i am inspired to write this in this fine september morning because for the last week or so, i am encountering so many children who do not want to return to school. they are whining about it, they are bummed about it, they are complaining. they are acting out. they are trying to live up the last week of freedom they will get until winter break. and the adults involved seem to be immune to the whining, and complaining of these kids. WHY? why do the adults involved not give a crap that their children do not want to return to school?
is it because they themselves went to school? therefore it is tradition? is it because they figure its what is best for the kid?
is it that the child couldn't possibly have an aversion to being a part of something that they know instinctively is damaging a basic, integral part of who they are? think about that for a minute. is it possible that school is bad for them, and they know it?
is it that many parents have never thought about this? have never questioned this normal, accepted institute? is it because they dont see any other options? is it because they fear their child would get "behind"?
is it that life is set up for parents to need to work, long hours away from home, and so another option seems impossible? ok, lets face it. part of the purpose of school is to babysit our children while we are at work. it has nothing to do with them LEARNING.
it has everything to do with the way the system is set up. and the majority of people buy into it. this concept that at a certain age you are obligated to leave your family everyday, whether you want to or not. you will be sent to a building to spend ALL of you time as the teacher you have been assigned instructs you. for 13 years every child is expected to just accept this. that they will get a total of about 12 weeks PER YEAR to spend with their families, who love them, and the rest of the time they will have to spend with a randomly selected teacher. and as if that is not bad enough, they will also be expected to take the teachers instructions home with them and complete homework. not even their time at home is theirs, the school even steals that time.
be the child for a moment. this teacher gets to know you for a year or two at best. this teacher is teaching to pay their bills. this teacher may love children. but this teacher does not personally know you, they are not personally invested in your future or the person you will become. they did not bring you into this world. they do not personally love you. this is the person that you will be spending the better part of the year obeying. trying to impress so that you will bring home a good grade. OH, and good grades will be expected in every subject!! nevermind that some subjects bore you, or that you have natural talents and interest that you would love to have the time and support to grow and explore!! you will spend your time in whatever way this institution deems in your best interest, because you are a child; and evidently that means you dont have the right to free time.
can you think of any other institution on earth that people must go to against their own will? where they are expected to obey strangers? where every moment is planned and decided upon for them? how about prison? is prison close to fitting that description? and after a sentence of 13 years, for being a child, you will be free.
ok, i get that a lot of society feels that school is training for work. i get that. for our adult life we must spend a portion of our time working. but for the most part we get to choose whom we work for, how much we work. and we are encouraged to find work that we love and enjoy doing!! our beautiful and innocent children do not get even this basic freedom. they must ask to pee. they must eat a pre-scheduled times. they must do as they are told. they must spend all day everyday with children their age, in a building that is largely cut off from society.
and we wonder why they dont want to go back at the end of summer? actually we dont wonder, that is the point. they are screaming about how they dont want to go, and we ignore them. we dont wonder WHY!!
so what else is there? what is it i do with my kids that has me convinced that there is a better way? ever wonder how children learned BEFORE the very modern invent of public school?
my children have choices. they have even very basic freedoms. life for our family is about fun, enjoyment and learning, all year. over the summer, my daughter continued improving her reading skills, because she wanted to!! she grew her jewelry making business, because she wanted to! she went to the aquarium and spent time with the dolphins, feeding them, and training them with the trainers- because it was one of her dreams. she made jewelry and a card for her favorite band AND met them. SHE made it happen!! she made some of her dreams come true this summer! because she is brilliant. not any more brilliant than any other child. but her brilliance has grown. it has grown because she has the love, support and freedom to GROW!! she doesn't have a stranger scheduling her time, breathing down her neck about how she should be trying harder in math or science. she spent this summer, the same way she spends the rest of the year.
so what IS she going to be doing this year? that is a great question? a question that ultimately is up to her to answer!! i will be checking in here all year to update what she is up to. i will allow you to peer into our life and see what life looks like without school. i suspect we will be playing, hiking, learning about various plants, animals, and cultures... we will be sewing, crocheting, making and selling jewelry... we will be reading and writing great stories... we will be playing guitar, and drums, and possibly violin? we will be dancing. WE WILL BE LEARNING TOGETHER!!!
what a concept.
and my son is kindergarten age. many other families would be sending him out the door, to start serving his 13 year sentence. no. and i am so excited to see what he and i will learn together this year. where will his passion take us? what hidden gifts and talents does he have? what is he curious about? we get to discover together. and i am super-excited about it. i don't have to cry the first day of kindergarten. i dont have to fight my maternal instinct and hand him over to a stranger and institution. I dont have to make myself feel OKAY about it.
i am so indescribably grateful.
i have one last thing to say. put yourself in the place of the child again. the one who doesnt want to go back to school. imagine that you have been complaining, acting out, and otherwise trying to communicate that this feels awful. un-natural. that school is hurting you rather than helping you. and the adults in your life dont hear you. or they hear you but dismiss your feelings. or they try to explain them away.
or perhaps, like many adults, they are counting down the days until school starts, because they are looking forward to having you gone. they are looking forward to having time to themselves. how does that feel? be the child. feel what they might be feeling?
then talk with them, connect with them. explore some other possibilities together. (thanks for hanging in there to the end of this, if you did)
check out www.selfdesign.org
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
confessions
i wrote this song about the everyday moments that pass me by; pass by without my saying what it is a mean to say; for fear of it coming out wrong; or being judged; or hurting someone; or hurting myself. but it stuck me that the people in my life that i care about and admire the most are brave enough to be real - to say what it is they think and feel. i would like to be more like those people. ~M
Confessions - I’ll follow you
chorus
I will Follow you
Barefoot…. Up the hill,
Wet mud in my toes…..
You were singing green
I was dancing blue
In this confession of my dreams….…
bridge
No one’s holding back or missing out
On gaining life’s Mercy…..
verse1
I’ll Confess the promise that… I forgot
Beg Forgiveness that…. I got lost.
I’ll Admit Truths that I’ve never shared….
In this Confession we’ll write of a better life ahead….
Chorus 2
Because I will follow you
Barefoot up the hill……Wet mud in my toes
You’ll be singing green
I’ll be dancing blue
In this confession of my dreams….
Bridge 2
The rain keeps falling …..on my skin
My Sorry’s have gone Unsaid….
verse2
I’ll Confess my truth ….only to find
The words have left my head…..
These Confessions of time….and nights unslept.
The Freeing words that I’ve not said.
This dance that will Free my heart
from songs….that have gone Unsung…..
This rain that will define my truth
That has gone….. Unclear....
chorus3
But you’ll be singing green
And I’ll be dancing blue
In this confession of my dreams….
No one’s holding back or missing out
On gaining life’s Mercy…..
bridge3
I’ll Confess my wish that I could go back
I’ll ask the questions that I’ve left …unasked
verse3
I’ll Confess my thanks….For these moments of depth
The Chance to say all I’ve left unsaid
These Confessions of silence … of grandeur and dreams
Our dance has broken down all these things
chorus
And I will follow you
Barefoot up the hill……Wet mud in my toes
You’ll be singing green
I’ll be dancing blue
In this confession of my dreams….
You’re the confession of my dreams…..
written by Meaghan Carriere
chorus
I will Follow you
Barefoot…. Up the hill,
Wet mud in my toes…..
You were singing green
I was dancing blue
In this confession of my dreams….…
bridge
No one’s holding back or missing out
On gaining life’s Mercy…..
verse1
I’ll Confess the promise that… I forgot
Beg Forgiveness that…. I got lost.
I’ll Admit Truths that I’ve never shared….
In this Confession we’ll write of a better life ahead….
Chorus 2
Because I will follow you
Barefoot up the hill……Wet mud in my toes
You’ll be singing green
I’ll be dancing blue
In this confession of my dreams….
Bridge 2
The rain keeps falling …..on my skin
My Sorry’s have gone Unsaid….
verse2
I’ll Confess my truth ….only to find
The words have left my head…..
These Confessions of time….and nights unslept.
The Freeing words that I’ve not said.
This dance that will Free my heart
from songs….that have gone Unsung…..
This rain that will define my truth
That has gone….. Unclear....
chorus3
But you’ll be singing green
And I’ll be dancing blue
In this confession of my dreams….
No one’s holding back or missing out
On gaining life’s Mercy…..
bridge3
I’ll Confess my wish that I could go back
I’ll ask the questions that I’ve left …unasked
verse3
I’ll Confess my thanks….For these moments of depth
The Chance to say all I’ve left unsaid
These Confessions of silence … of grandeur and dreams
Our dance has broken down all these things
chorus
And I will follow you
Barefoot up the hill……Wet mud in my toes
You’ll be singing green
I’ll be dancing blue
In this confession of my dreams….
You’re the confession of my dreams…..
written by Meaghan Carriere
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
rising up
one of my favorite artists says "we are all pulling a boat over a mountain" and i love it. this beautiful visual of a lonely soul, alone, pulling a boat over a mountain. and it brings up a feeling i have a lot lately. that of a full plate. a mouth that has bitten off more than one can chew.
i think of where i am at now, and where i was when i was 20, 25... 26. i think of who i was then, and who i have become. the ways in which i have grown. at 25 i began to have a good sense of who i am. and i am always changing. learning. becoming more fluid. or more solid. depending on how you look at it?!
the "boat" is my family. my life. and the "mountain" is the route i've chosen. uphill. not always easy. it is choosing to live my life with my husband, the same guy i fell in love with as a teen. learning how to work things out. how to climb the mountain together. figuring out that i can change and grow ALOT, and that he can still be in love with me. finding out that we can take turns "pulling the boat". the mountain is extended nursing, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, unschooling.... the mountain is trying to create a "natural" growing up for my children in a very un-natural world.
i have had vast periods of time when i needed taking care of. i have had health challenges. still do, to a lesser degree. and my partner took care of me. thankfully. we have had babies and have been learning as we go ever since. and not always agreeing ;) but finding the space to disagree, and still love. i think i have been the "boat" my fair share. i have been pulled up.
i am having to pull more lately, as my partner is facing his own health issues. and it is hard. i'm not gonna lie and say anything else. it's hard seeing him be sick. grieving the loss a life he had. feeling hopeless, and hopefully not alone. every time i take the kids out without him, it feels like a piece of me is missing. a piece of me is sick, at home.
this is just one of many challenges. together we have conquered alot. i think that together is the only way we will rise up from this one as well. and so i'm so tired. and i'm trying to remember who i am. and the life that i value. needing to remember what i value, and recognize how far we've come. needing to rise to the occasion... to love, be kind, forgive, to breathe until i can find more patience than i think i have... to rise up and keep pulling the "boat over the mountain."
(... for 11 years and counting ;) happy anniversary!! xoxo)
i think of where i am at now, and where i was when i was 20, 25... 26. i think of who i was then, and who i have become. the ways in which i have grown. at 25 i began to have a good sense of who i am. and i am always changing. learning. becoming more fluid. or more solid. depending on how you look at it?!
the "boat" is my family. my life. and the "mountain" is the route i've chosen. uphill. not always easy. it is choosing to live my life with my husband, the same guy i fell in love with as a teen. learning how to work things out. how to climb the mountain together. figuring out that i can change and grow ALOT, and that he can still be in love with me. finding out that we can take turns "pulling the boat". the mountain is extended nursing, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, unschooling.... the mountain is trying to create a "natural" growing up for my children in a very un-natural world.
i have had vast periods of time when i needed taking care of. i have had health challenges. still do, to a lesser degree. and my partner took care of me. thankfully. we have had babies and have been learning as we go ever since. and not always agreeing ;) but finding the space to disagree, and still love. i think i have been the "boat" my fair share. i have been pulled up.
i am having to pull more lately, as my partner is facing his own health issues. and it is hard. i'm not gonna lie and say anything else. it's hard seeing him be sick. grieving the loss a life he had. feeling hopeless, and hopefully not alone. every time i take the kids out without him, it feels like a piece of me is missing. a piece of me is sick, at home.
this is just one of many challenges. together we have conquered alot. i think that together is the only way we will rise up from this one as well. and so i'm so tired. and i'm trying to remember who i am. and the life that i value. needing to remember what i value, and recognize how far we've come. needing to rise to the occasion... to love, be kind, forgive, to breathe until i can find more patience than i think i have... to rise up and keep pulling the "boat over the mountain."
(... for 11 years and counting ;) happy anniversary!! xoxo)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
the "S" word
alright, this is not a new idea... however, it is worth writing about because it will be new to some, and because i feel it is a powerful, powerful concept.
the 's' word i'm referring to is SHOULD. should is a word of suffering. it causes suffering. should is a word of false beliefs, false hopes.... should says:
should says that our reality is not good enough. is not as it SHOULD be. and the people in our life are failing, we are failing, the world is failing. the world be should different. and we suffer. should lies. should gives away our power. should feels hopeless.
COULD on the other hand is a word of infinite possibility. could questions. could encourages. could is kinder. could takes into account that people have limitations.... try it on...
my children could be in bed.....?
my husband could help more....?
you get the idea.
my motivation for writing this is that it seems that so many people are unaware and unquestioning about their thoughts. our thoughts are powerful things. creating our reality, our emotions. and the truth is our thoughts lie to us. they tell us things that are untrue, and we suffer because of it. our thoughts need to be questioned. we have the power to change our thoughts, and therefore our emotions.
so try it, file the 's' word with all the other curse words... replace it with could... replace it with questions. replace it with love, and happiness will follow.
the 's' word i'm referring to is SHOULD. should is a word of suffering. it causes suffering. should is a word of false beliefs, false hopes.... should says:
i should be a perfect mother
my son should be reading by now
my daughter should be sleeping through the night
my children should be in bed
my husband should be helping me
my son should be reading by now
my daughter should be sleeping through the night
my children should be in bed
my husband should be helping me
should says that our reality is not good enough. is not as it SHOULD be. and the people in our life are failing, we are failing, the world is failing. the world be should different. and we suffer. should lies. should gives away our power. should feels hopeless.
COULD on the other hand is a word of infinite possibility. could questions. could encourages. could is kinder. could takes into account that people have limitations.... try it on...
i could be a perfect mother
.... it sounds ridiculous. really? could i be a perfect mother? no, impossible. could i do better? maybe. now there is room for growth, now i can explore the possibilities. could allows me to not feel like a failure, but a real person.my son could be reading by now
.... okay maybe he could be? couldn't he? alright, but he isn't, so maybe he cant, or maybe he doesn't want to yet.... could helps me explore the possibilities, and gives the power back to my son, gives value to his interests, and limitations.my daughter could be sleeping through the night
... couldn't she? well, she isn't so maybe she doesn't have that ability yet. what could be waking her? hungry? lonely? scared? tummy hurting? ..... okay obviously my daughter cant sleep right through yet. could helps me to value her as a unique person, with feelings and needs; it helps me accept her limitations.my children could be in bed.....?
my husband could help more....?
you get the idea.
my motivation for writing this is that it seems that so many people are unaware and unquestioning about their thoughts. our thoughts are powerful things. creating our reality, our emotions. and the truth is our thoughts lie to us. they tell us things that are untrue, and we suffer because of it. our thoughts need to be questioned. we have the power to change our thoughts, and therefore our emotions.
so try it, file the 's' word with all the other curse words... replace it with could... replace it with questions. replace it with love, and happiness will follow.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
what i love about unschooling....
alright, i want to write about what i love about unschooling.... but that leaves me thinking maybe a definition would be helpful... check out the below blog for more info on what unschooling is...
http://cottonwoodjournal.blogspot.com/search/label/unschooling
http://cottonwoodjournal.blogspot.com/search/label/unschooling
home-schooling is school-at-home; parent is teacher; child is student
curriculum and books hold prescribed information to be taught and absorbed by student.
curriculum and books hold prescribed information to be taught and absorbed by student.
unschooling is living, growing, doing
LIFE is the curriculum
unschooling is a life full of learning from living....
child is learner; parent is learner
What i Love About Unschooling...
i love.....
having time to be with my kids
friendship with my kids
we have freedom!...
to stay up and sleep late
days organically growing
we have time to learn how to live peacefully
indulging in messy creating AND messy learning
i love...
that it is my privilege to support their learning by....
holding back and watching
by loving them
by sharing in delightful curiosity...
and discovery
i get to hear all their great questions and ponderings!
i love...
that my kids go to bed when they are tired,
and seek out nutritious food when they are hungry...
read books because it is fun!
i love the absence of power struggles!
i love...
moments when they take on HUGE projects with HUGE confidence
and own their HUGE feelings of success
i love...
that my kids are motivated to do and learn from the inside
because they understand how learning relates to their life
i love their willing spirits....
i love....
that my kids have formed friendships with people of all ages
being witness to their learning and growth
i love...
our togetherness
spirituality
creativity
so much free time...
to meditate
play music
share
take in the wind, sun, and rain
...to take in the beauty of sharing childhood with my children...
i love...
when they say 'thanks'
because the feeling is mutual
;)
LIFE is the curriculum
unschooling is a life full of learning from living....
child is learner; parent is learner
What i Love About Unschooling...
i love.....
having time to be with my kids
friendship with my kids
we have freedom!...
to stay up and sleep late
days organically growing
we have time to learn how to live peacefully
indulging in messy creating AND messy learning
i love...
that it is my privilege to support their learning by....
holding back and watching
by loving them
by sharing in delightful curiosity...
and discovery
i get to hear all their great questions and ponderings!
i love...
that my kids go to bed when they are tired,
and seek out nutritious food when they are hungry...
read books because it is fun!
i love the absence of power struggles!
i love...
moments when they take on HUGE projects with HUGE confidence
and own their HUGE feelings of success
i love...
that my kids are motivated to do and learn from the inside
because they understand how learning relates to their life
i love their willing spirits....
i love....
that my kids have formed friendships with people of all ages
being witness to their learning and growth
i love...
our togetherness
spirituality
creativity
so much free time...
to meditate
play music
share
take in the wind, sun, and rain
...to take in the beauty of sharing childhood with my children...
i love...
when they say 'thanks'
because the feeling is mutual
;)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
feeling high on the sun
where i live it is usually some shade of grey outside, sometimes throw some fog in for good measure, or rain. so after 9 months of grey the sun has finally shown up to do it's thing. and it's hard to not feel down-right high on the blue skies. this is the first year i've gotten caught up in gardening, i have dabbled in it here and there, but this year i am actually interested in it. growing food and herbs...mmm...
it all started with setting up a privacy screen in our backyard, we couldn't afford a fence so my dad built a frame and we hung fabric (think kinda like curtains)... anyways, it's cute, and now we can hang out in our tiny backyard and feel like we are in OUR yard, not our neighbors ;)...
then my friend gave me some herbs and tomato plants.... and well, it grew from there...
now i'm having these day-dreams of staining the cement pad terracotta, and building a small fountain or pond... really therapeutic, has me thinking i was meant to live somewhere warm...
for the next three months, i get to be warm, my body feeling good, my kids feeling cheerful and happy to play outdoors, all of us in bare feet... i think that's how it was meant to be, bare feet-feeling the earth....
one awesome side effect of this beautiful sun is that it makes it easier to go with the flow...
to be more patient as my son struggles to "do-it-himself"... or to accept being late getting some place... to move slower... to overlook the mess and play outside instead... for all of us to stay up, until we fall asleep... to eat popsicles before lunch... to visit the water park in our play clothes...to just BE......
it would be amazing if this flow could carry over to the rest of the year... maybe it can...
.... looking forward to time spent in the back, creating music with friends.... cant think of anything more groovy than that feeling.... connecting with sound, with rhythm.... past the beginning stages when everyone is conscious of their voices.... deep into the freedom of creating....
think i might do some of that today....
it all started with setting up a privacy screen in our backyard, we couldn't afford a fence so my dad built a frame and we hung fabric (think kinda like curtains)... anyways, it's cute, and now we can hang out in our tiny backyard and feel like we are in OUR yard, not our neighbors ;)...
then my friend gave me some herbs and tomato plants.... and well, it grew from there...
now i'm having these day-dreams of staining the cement pad terracotta, and building a small fountain or pond... really therapeutic, has me thinking i was meant to live somewhere warm...
for the next three months, i get to be warm, my body feeling good, my kids feeling cheerful and happy to play outdoors, all of us in bare feet... i think that's how it was meant to be, bare feet-feeling the earth....
one awesome side effect of this beautiful sun is that it makes it easier to go with the flow...
to be more patient as my son struggles to "do-it-himself"... or to accept being late getting some place... to move slower... to overlook the mess and play outside instead... for all of us to stay up, until we fall asleep... to eat popsicles before lunch... to visit the water park in our play clothes...to just BE......
it would be amazing if this flow could carry over to the rest of the year... maybe it can...
.... looking forward to time spent in the back, creating music with friends.... cant think of anything more groovy than that feeling.... connecting with sound, with rhythm.... past the beginning stages when everyone is conscious of their voices.... deep into the freedom of creating....
think i might do some of that today....
Thursday, June 3, 2010
in hope that Super-woman will disappear.... or get real
Super-woman... who is she? in the 50's she was the housewife. beautiful. perfect. perfect mother, wife, and house. perfect cook. and her perfect babies were bottle fed. and slept in perfect little cribs-all night. and her perfect husband made the money. and life was perfectly blissful for Super-woman.
Since then, things have changed, right? for better? for worse? who is today's Super-woman?
some would say she is well-educated, independent, liberated, strong, fulfilled, determined. and dont forget, she is also a good wife, house keeper, and loving mother. the message is: go to school, as much school as you need to make a good living, so you won't have to be dependent on a man. and also, dont forget to: meet the right man, get married, make babies, breastfeed. and so Super-woman goes after the dreams....
but what if i don't want to 'do' school? ... what if i am an artist, or musician?.... then i wont be living up to the liberated dream... and the Super-woman of the world will look down on me for my falling short...
and what if i have babies before i am educated, liberated? ... am i to feel bad for bringing and raising life? Should i still go to school after having my baby? should i give my baby over to daycare so i can live the Super-dream? should i feel guilty if i do? guilty if i don't?
and what if i don't want to get married? don't want to have babies? don't want to care for a home and family? Surely, i am Super-failing. i should beat myself up for it.....
and while i'm at it, i should also look as young, healthy, and sexy as possible.
i'm scratching my head, trying to figure out how i am supposed to raise a daughter when these are among the many unhealthy messages we, as a culture feed into. this is the gold standard. this is the supposed Super-path to Super-happy. i don't know anyone who IS all the things listed above. i do know a lot of Super-people, they are REAL people. real women. they have dreams, and flaws, and wants and needs that are real, and personal. they have ups and downs. and some of them went to a lot of school, and some didn't, and they are married and single and with and without children. and they are all doing their best. and for some reason "Super" gives us a reason to beat ourselves up, and to beat each other up... with all the "shoulds" and all the "judgments."
but lets not forget, we as women also have to endure all kinds of abuses, assumptions.... even as children... and no one wants to admit that it is so common... and then, somehow we are supposed to just be okay, and we seem to expect everyone else to just be okay too.... better than okay... we must be Super. Super-woman makes it okay to tear each other down;
but the Real Super-women i know are loving and forgiving...
my hope is that Super-woman, the mythical creature we've been describing, will disappear so that Real-Women can stop failing to measure up to her mythical Super-standards, and i and my daughter and her generation can be free... or else Super-woman could Get Real! she could be re-invented! with strengths and flaws! ups and downs! she could be forgiving and loving.... and joyful! she could be an artist... or single, or married... she could be a mother who still has an identity of her own... she could have cellulite! she could have times when she needs help and support from her friends and family... she could be humble enough to ask for help and accept it...
she could be powerful, and gifted, and honest... able to do so much in her own way; but not in all ways.... just like most of us are.... and i think that needs to be okay.
so there is my ra-ra-ra for women! because i know a lot of Real-Super women! and they are gifted, and beautiful, and supportive... and i am thankful to know all of them, to have them in my life... and i am thankful that my daughter is growing up with so many fantastic REAL Super-women in her life!!... just thought you all should know...
Since then, things have changed, right? for better? for worse? who is today's Super-woman?
some would say she is well-educated, independent, liberated, strong, fulfilled, determined. and dont forget, she is also a good wife, house keeper, and loving mother. the message is: go to school, as much school as you need to make a good living, so you won't have to be dependent on a man. and also, dont forget to: meet the right man, get married, make babies, breastfeed. and so Super-woman goes after the dreams....
but what if i don't want to 'do' school? ... what if i am an artist, or musician?.... then i wont be living up to the liberated dream... and the Super-woman of the world will look down on me for my falling short...
and what if i have babies before i am educated, liberated? ... am i to feel bad for bringing and raising life? Should i still go to school after having my baby? should i give my baby over to daycare so i can live the Super-dream? should i feel guilty if i do? guilty if i don't?
and what if i don't want to get married? don't want to have babies? don't want to care for a home and family? Surely, i am Super-failing. i should beat myself up for it.....
and while i'm at it, i should also look as young, healthy, and sexy as possible.
i'm scratching my head, trying to figure out how i am supposed to raise a daughter when these are among the many unhealthy messages we, as a culture feed into. this is the gold standard. this is the supposed Super-path to Super-happy. i don't know anyone who IS all the things listed above. i do know a lot of Super-people, they are REAL people. real women. they have dreams, and flaws, and wants and needs that are real, and personal. they have ups and downs. and some of them went to a lot of school, and some didn't, and they are married and single and with and without children. and they are all doing their best. and for some reason "Super" gives us a reason to beat ourselves up, and to beat each other up... with all the "shoulds" and all the "judgments."
but lets not forget, we as women also have to endure all kinds of abuses, assumptions.... even as children... and no one wants to admit that it is so common... and then, somehow we are supposed to just be okay, and we seem to expect everyone else to just be okay too.... better than okay... we must be Super. Super-woman makes it okay to tear each other down;
but the Real Super-women i know are loving and forgiving...
my hope is that Super-woman, the mythical creature we've been describing, will disappear so that Real-Women can stop failing to measure up to her mythical Super-standards, and i and my daughter and her generation can be free... or else Super-woman could Get Real! she could be re-invented! with strengths and flaws! ups and downs! she could be forgiving and loving.... and joyful! she could be an artist... or single, or married... she could be a mother who still has an identity of her own... she could have cellulite! she could have times when she needs help and support from her friends and family... she could be humble enough to ask for help and accept it...
she could be powerful, and gifted, and honest... able to do so much in her own way; but not in all ways.... just like most of us are.... and i think that needs to be okay.
so there is my ra-ra-ra for women! because i know a lot of Real-Super women! and they are gifted, and beautiful, and supportive... and i am thankful to know all of them, to have them in my life... and i am thankful that my daughter is growing up with so many fantastic REAL Super-women in her life!!... just thought you all should know...
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