Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Promise to my children

Below is a facebook status, the idea was to copy and paste into your own status if you feel this way.
PROMISE TO MY CHILDREN: I will stalk you, moan at you, lecture you, drive you crazy, embarrass you in front of your friends, hunt you down like a bloodhound and be your worst nightmare all because I LOVE YOU! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find someone who loves you, cares about you and worries about you as much as i do!~love mom
I couldn't do it, because while I agree with the "I love you" message I don't agree with the underlining message. The behaviors described portray a message of distrust; an expectation that your children are going to disappoint you. The message is that because you know best, you have given yourself the license to act in disrespectful ways towards your children; to ignore their feelings as irrelevant. And the behaviors are justified with a "because I love you the most." But alas, these are not behaviors or attitudes that build healthy relationships; stalking, moaning, lecturing, embarrassing, hounding, annoying; these are the things that tear down. These things do not encourage respect, communication, or honesty.

~Who of us as adults would seek out a relationship like this?
Who of us would like to see our childrens in an adult relationship that looked like this?
It would be considered unhealthy at best.



I would like to revamp this, and compose a promise of my own.



My Promise to My Children:

I promise to trust you, to try to listen more than I talk, to really hear your feelings, to communicate with you.
I promise to feel proud of you,
to credit you with the best intentions and motives;
to share with you in your struggles and disappointments.
I promise to value what you need;
and accept that sometimes you do know what is right for you.
I promise to try and remember that everything in life is a learning experience; and that we can learn from each other.
I promise to be awed by your gifts and talents.
I promise to stand beside you as your advocate, to support you;
even when that support looks crazy to other people;
hug you, love you, comfort you;
and offer guidance when you need it.
I promise to laugh with you; and share in this life with you.

And I hope that when you are a grown adult we will still have a good relationship;
and that when you look back on your childhood
you will feel like you were loved and treated with respect and kindness.
I hope that in your life you will be surrounded by people who love you and care about you;
and I hope that you will choose me to be one of those people.
Because I love you. I loved you before you were, and I love the person you are.

~Love mom


7 comments:

  1. Beautiful. What a wonderful mother you must be :)

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  2. glad you enjoyed reading... now if only i can follow through on this as much as i would like to! ;)
    Thinking I might borrow the idea from my friend of posting it on their bedroom walls...

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  3. Beautifully said you put into words eloquently exactly what I thought when I first saw a friend post it.

    NO that (the original) is not the relationship I plan on having with my daughter, not a relationship I wish for my daughter to experience, and certainly not one I would ever hope her to except from someone who is pronounces to love her.

    It is your rewritten one that should be spread virally on Facebook not the original

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  4. Jeff Sabo just posted about this same FB post and had not too many good things to say about it. I commented that your version was much improved and copied it into the comments referring back to you. Hope that is OK...I couldn't help myself because I just love your version of the promise so much!

    Justine:)

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  5. Oops...here is the link to his post FYI - http://justabaldman.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-dont-love-you-enough.html

    j:)

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